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Relationships

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Original poster

Boyf wanting abortion

34 replies

Lioness331 · 04/01/2024 16:50

just needed a bit of advice for my sister as she is 18 years old nearly 19 and has recently done a pregnancy test which shows positive . She is wanting too keep the baby as she is against abortion but is sort of feeling down now and is not sure in what too do as her boyfriend is basically telling her to get an abortion as he’s not ready and shes stuck on what to do

OP posts:

Dacadactyl · 04/01/2024 19:20

RowanMayfair · 04/01/2024 19:17

It's far more likely to mean that than not

Show quote history

That depends on many factors.

OP, how much family support will she have? From yourself/parents/other siblings etc?

Is she working? Is she bright/got decent exam results etc?

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 04/01/2024 19:26

ditalini · 04/01/2024 19:19

There's nothing to "do". If she's not having an abortion then she's having a baby. Folic acid, no smoking/alcohol if possible. Register with the midwife.

She can't make him want the baby.

She can make him contribute financially once it's here, but at his age that's not likely to be much.

If he wants contact she'll almost certainly be expected to facilitate that as it's prefered for a child to have contact with both parents. This is independent of how she feels about him or whether she or he enter into new relationships.

I wouldn't rely on CMS

Deduction of earning can only be done with the employees permission and even getting to that stage is unlikely. So he doesn't actually have to pay a penny thanks to how the UK manage it.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 04/01/2024 19:31

I was 18 when I had my son. His dad didn't want to be a dad so I had to do it on my own. It was hard but I wouldn't change it for anything.

If she wants to keep the baby that's up to her.

MintJulia · 04/01/2024 19:50

Her body, her choice.

But if she is facing being a single mum, she needs to be pragmatic. To consider work, an income, housing, a support network, what she wants from life - career - travel etc, whether she is mentally strong enough to carry the responsibility by herself.

I am a single mum and I love it but I was a lot older, had an established career and a mortgage so was in a better situation with more resources.

If she is only a week or two gone, she has time to think. Tell her not to rush her decision.

Tacotortoise · 04/01/2024 22:59

It's really simple.
He can't make her have an abortion.
She can't make him be a father.

RedRock41 · 04/01/2024 23:05

He has made his feelings very clear. As others have said she must make the decision but know if she goes ahead it is highly unlikely he will be there or change his mind. Single parenthood is extremely hard… so much so however hard you think it is pretty much times that by a 100… at least. I was 28 and was a strong person but often wondered how younger Mums coped. It’s not impossible and support of family helps but its a massive (massive!) commitment and pretty much she needs to decide if she is willing and able to give up the next 20 years of her life minimum and put the needs of another human above her own for that time. If she likes having a social life, spending £s on nice things, likes her sleep or has other ambitions she needs to consider too how she might feel about having to give up all or some of those things at least for a considerable time.

AnotherDayOfSun · 05/01/2024 06:50

Whether her boyfriend feels "ready" or not, he has participated in the creation of a life. She is young, she will have plenty of energy for her child and if he chooses not to get involved, that's entirely his loss. If you two are close, you can provide a warm environment for your niece or nephew.

Kittylala · 05/01/2024 08:17

She's having the baby because she wants a baby - the belief is just an excuse.

There's nothing to do.

YireosDodeAver · 05/01/2024 08:38

The boyfriend doesn't get a vote. His choice was how much effort to put into contraception. Any attitude from him other than supporting your sister to make her own choice freely is a sign he is a shitbag.

Your sister needs your support and love, and unconditional acceptance that her choice should be her own. She doesn't really need your advice or opinions.

The human brain doesn't reach full maturity until about age 24. Your sister is legally an adult but hasn't finished becoming the adult she's going to be. One thing she needs to understand and accept is that whatever she chooses she will probably have regrets because her 18yo brain isn't capable of making a decision that her 30yo self won't second-guess. She needs to forgive herself in advance.

Whatever she chooses, the path will be tough and she will need her sister to lean on. Reassure her that whatever she chooses you will be there for her, but step way back from being involved in the choice.

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