I hate to admit it, but I really didn't enjoy Christmas.

[thebluegiraffe]

I feel quite sad that now the children are grown up, I'm divorced and have elderly family members to look after, I actually found Xmas really stressful and depressing. It seemed to last for days with everyone treading on eggshells for one reason or another.
The endless photos of happy families in matching pjs and merry smiles on Instagram was hard to handle this year.
Anyone else?

I’m with you on that one! Due to family bereavements and a relationship breakdown, Christmas just wasn’t great this year.
I deleted Facebook and Instagram the week before Christmas as I knew it’d bring me down even more - it worked wonders, I didn’t spend the break comparing my Christmas with others. I just knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

I feel a bit like that too this year. I'm recovering from an Op i had 5 days before Christmas and it's just me and DD15. Christmas was stressful

I think it's a difficult day for many, and my standard advice to people struggling with life situations not being what they wanted (children not coming home, being single, being in a shit relationship, not having enough money to go all out as wanted, etc etc) is stay the hell off social media.

Instagram, facebook etc are all carefully curated snapshots to show people at their best. Nobody takes a photo of their children having a tantrum or their partner giving everyone the silent treatment, or their obnoxious relative making yet another racist joke that you can't call out for fear of upsetting Granny.

Social media has become something that encourages a spirit of competitiveness rather than community.

You mention treading on eggshells - is this something you could look to work on for next year? Putting some boundaries in place or even just deciding to opt out of the day entirely?

Ideally I'd like to run away next year and sit by myself, on top of a mountain with a box of chocolates and bottle of champagne ! I know however that the guilt would be too much and the endless 'this could be Grandpa/Granny's last Christmas' would be thrown my way!

Now my daughter is 18 the magic of Christmas is no longer there. Briefly came back from uni - unwrapped the presents in a rush and spent the rest of the holidays with her boyfriend. My father is poorly with on set dementia and called me by my nieces name - spent xmas day and new years eve on my own and had to endure boxing day with my sister her new partner - boasting about her pay rise and how amazing her partner is. Thinking of going away next year as this year has been so difficult and lonely

thebluegiraffe · Today 09:43

Ideally I'd like to run away next year and sit by myself, on top of a mountain with a box of chocolates and bottle of champagne ! I know however that the guilt would be too much and the endless 'this could be Grandpa/Granny's last Christmas' would be thrown my way!
This is me!! Sister guilt tripped me into paying for an expensive meal as it may be dad's last Christmas - she has been saying this for years - I have the urge to rent a cottage in the middle of no where or by the sea and just spend next year away from it all

It’s interesting that your assessment of happiness is based on Instagram.

Can you say why you felt the need to look there? It’s not compulsory.

TBH it sounds as if your Christmas was fairly standard. Probably most involve stress and treading on eggshells. But you need to concentrate on how to change that, rather than scrolling through other people’s fantasy lives.

Me neither. First Xmas without Granny , adult children committed elsewhere , splintered family. But we are not alone, Xmas can be a difficult time for so many people . There just isn't any ads , FB posts about it .

@thebluegiraffe

I know how 🤔 you feel,

I went to stay overnight in a guest house and a budget hotel for the first time on my own,
then went over to see family

I was quite susprised how good some of the deals were on Booking. com website were, especially when you book on your mobile tel,

Could you do something similar or do something where its your own take ideas aspects of how you prefer Christmas then?

So it could be the usaul mix of traditional Christmas festivities and your own ideas of how you like to spend Christmas too or do something entirely different next year maybe?

Maybe you could vist a healthspa / on your own or with friend, friends,
or
have complementary therapy to pamper yourself ?

It's an illusion OP that everyone is having a fantastic time.

@BCBird

Totally agree 👍 nailed it on the head with that comment.

The reality is that you can spend decades thinking this will be someone's last Christmas. How long is your life on hold for, any of them could also be your last Christmas.

You could also look back and think Granny's last Christmas was shit and I wish I'd missed it.

Climb that mountain!

@DisforDarkChocolate I howled with laughter over your comment !!!!

@DisforDarkChocolate
You could also look back and think Granny's last Christmas was shit and I wish I'd missed it.
Very good comment - the fact that my father didn't even know who I was on Xmas day was there any point in me even being there!

Christmas is what you choose to make of it, stop looking on Instagram at what other poeple are doing and get involved with your own family and suggest doing something fun!

Instagram is fake. I see things that I know for a fact aren’t true because I know the people professing to have the most fabulous husband and children when I KNOW the husband is an abusive prick and the kids talk to their mother like pigs. Take no notice. I just laugh at the lies they’re all telling themselves x

There was a lady on here who was asking for advice on a solo Christmas, she spent it by herself in a cabin by the sea. She went for a walk to a nice pub, ate and then spent the evening reading and eating chocolate. Sounded amazing. I think you could definitely treat yourself to exactly the Christmas you want, perhaps on a rota so that you do it every other year and then host granny on the other year.

I wasn't looking forward to it this year, due to illness and bereavement. So we went abroad on Xmas eve. Highly recommend it.

Ioathe Xmas. It's a complete waste of time and money. I never celebrate it.
I broke my own rule this year and went to some relatives who wanted to do a big family Xmas. Every one of us got either flu or covid and Xmas was a disaster. I'm still not back at work I've been so ill. I've learnt my lesson.

@thebluegiraffe honestly, just go away and have a lovely time. Visit relatives before you go, but it’s not your job to be responsible for other adults.

I mostly enjoyed Christmas, BUT the group photo we have is about the millionth attempt as my 2 yr old niece kept crying and it's on,y by everyone cheering and making her laugh that we got a tantrum free picture. So the photos definitely do not tell the whole story!

I dream of one year splashing out and spending Christmas in a luxury hotel by myself, where I can enjoy everything at a leisurely pace, have decorating and food all provided, and I can just relax and enjoy.

I find I build up xmas too much and then end up getting disappointed. I think I'm chasing the magic you feel as a child, and its just not there as an adult.

It's a complete waste of time and money.

I mostly agree with this. I struggle to understand those who get super stressed about it and get themselves into debt etc.

For the last 8 years or so I’ve been happy to just spend it alone and eat some nice food and watch movies, but this year was invited to spend Christmas with some friends who had recently moved to the area and since I’d not seen them for ages I accepted the invite.

It was lovely and they never made me feel as if I was intruding, but next year I’ll probably travel to somewhere warm either by myself or with someone.

I always think it is strange how we are conditioned to all do the same thing just because it is Christmas - buy a tree, put up decorations, eat turkey it is like sheep following sheep - we should not feel forced to have to comply if it just makes you unhappy and financially strained

For anyone thinking of going away for a Christmas treat - we went away for a couple of nights just before Christmas (UK, nice hotel) and it was so quiet. If I’d been alone it would have been absolutely perfect, those two nights then home for a nice quiet Christmas Eve abd Day at home alone. I think Christmas day itself would be a hot depressing and after the hotel would be packed with families and really hectic