Phrases used to shut you down

[Flyhigher]

Just stop - they don't
Just because you say something doesn't make you right. - but they always are.
You don't have to be right all the time. - but they always are
You have to have the last word - but they always do.

SOxon

ah im sorry that’s horrible to get triggered like that
put the phone down ! X

Maybe we need to start a positive thread x

Hey @SOxon can I guess your location by your user name? Fancy a cuppa!?

lol, why not? named after a river, weekly market Tuesday, famous singer
rests in the graveyard … famous kebab van! …

“Oh here we go”

”Are you due on your period?”

”Have you taken your medication?”

You’re always so aggressive (when calming responding to a tirade of abuse)

Stop speaking!

Just shut up & get in the car now!

My mum used to say ‘it must be great to be perfect’ if I tried to point out she’d been rude or hurtful.

I had 40 years of her criticising every part of me ‘you’re stupid’ , ‘you’re fat’, ‘your hair is a mess’, ‘your feet look disgusting’, ‘you’re a slut’ (meaning the old fashioned way of describing someone who lived in a mess’, I could go on.

im quite an assertive person with a healthy self esteem so when I challenged her on the insults she’d say ‘I’m your mother, if i can’t tell you you smell no one else will’ - she seemed to think she was doing me a favour by pointing out the flaws she perceived I had.

I haven’t seen her now for 5 years.

thank you x
I can’t, I might miss something
it was a long time ago

I thought of another - ‘you are too sensitive’

the last day before we left, I told him “breeding shows” ha !

What bit of (whatever) don't you get?

If I'm arguing with my DH in the evening, he says, I'm going to bed to close me down.

You are provoking me
Is your period due?
I can't even express myself without you overreacting (after having said something mean).
Here we go again
You need help.

I have a brother who is the Olympic games of put downs:

"Scooby is just saying that because she is grumpy because she is..." single/ ugly/ gained weight/ has PMT/ disabled/ getting old/ not so good looking as in her youth/ incapable of 'keeping' a man interested...and the list goes on.

His best line was when I brought a coffee to his office, and he looked at me, and said 'What happened to you, as you used to be so slim and now you have just let yourself go'. It was a retort to me asking him why he was taking so long to finish a meeting as we had a pre-arranged business appointment. I have just finished a course of steroids and major surgery for cancer, and put on about a stone with treatment. I replied that at least I can still see my toes in the shower. For context, he is about four stone overweight. I have a thick skin fortunately.

You're just like your mother
I'm not interested
Why do you take everything so personally?
Stop picking at every little thing!
Sush

The menopause is having a terrible effect on you.

Same as some others have described.

You're raising your voice (nope)

You're making it about you (nope - in fact do everything to avoid getting that one thrown at me but it always ends up in there somehow)

More recently, 'is there a problem with that?' tends to shut things down quickly as well.

Such an emotionless way to live.

"If that's the way you feel, why are we even together?"

I’ve listened to you (he hasn’t), now I’ll tell you what you actually meant.

(It’s never what I had just said and his version is always bad - I then have to sit and listen without interrupting, as he’s just ‘listened’ to me.)

Yes. This 😕
"Shut up"
and actually in some contexts - 'what's wrong?!!?' When asked in an exasperated tone, when it's actually obvious what's wrong (maybe we have just had words or maybe I've just had bad news etc:) but the exasperated tone implies that you are creating hassle by having emotions and they actually don't want you to express what is wrong

Oh my god, these are awful. And I recognise quite a few from my ex DH and feel so grateful I haven't heard a single one in 10 years. My contribution (that I see to hate hearing so much!) was 'you can't have it all your way' whenever I expressed any need whatsoever.

If you are still in the situation that you are hearing these phrases, try to open your mind to consider leaving. It's not a nice relationship if these things are said to you. I can't tell you the relief realising I won't hear them again (once you've escaped them you would never accept them again).

My favourite is "alright, don't get bloody menstrual about it".

Christ I've heard a lot of these (apart from the misogynistic ones as I'm male). The one I get the most is "you think you are so perfect don't you?" If I bring up anything. Yet I am often reminded of the things I've done wrong, or taken to the room to be shown the 'crime' because "you need to see it to learn not to do it again". After I washed up if there was water on the surface next to the sink was a regular. If I said you could have just wiped it up I'll get the 'perfect' lecture.

I suppose now I'm so conscious of the water her method has worked (hollow laugh).

"Keep talking - you're obviously looking for an argument" when I've called him on something snarky he's said to me, or used that 'putdown tone' that he knows I don't like (and won't stand for any more)

Not so much a phrase as just ...

Silence.

Stop going on