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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

“I tidied up for you” erm..

52 replies

Munchkinsmama21 · 03/01/2024 16:05

So me and my other half have a 1 year old. I do pretty much everything from cooking to cleaning to laundry and even picking up after not my baby but after my partner. His a man child and we have had several fights and arguments but he just doesn’t pull his weight. He leaves things for days like empty glasses/plates etc expecting me to pick them and when I’m fed up I do however if I don’t he will put them in the kitchen after 5+ days. Ergh! Sickening. I also pay the rent and bills. However if he ever does anything for example yesterday after a couple of weeks of not doing anything he picked little ones toys and put them away and picked some rubbish around the table he games on he then came over and kissed me and said I tidied up for you??? I told him urm for me? You live here too he makes it sound like it is all on me. However that was him doing something for me despite the kitchen being piled with dishes because I’ve been working and taking care of little one and doing other chores and cooking I’ve just not had the energy to do so but he will never do the dishes or load the dishwasher most he will do is throw rubbish into the bins every few weeks and make a bottle of milk for little one like 2/3 times a month and then I never hear the end of it whn I tell him he doesn’t do anything please someone tell me this is not how men are? Like I’ve got friends and colleagues who have partners that do more around the house than them themselves I’m not cool with this shit behaviour

OP posts:
BusinessSecretsOfThePharaoh · 03/01/2024 16:08

Why are you with him?

Shoxfordian · 03/01/2024 16:09

What are you going to do about it? He's not going to change

Aquamarine1029 · 03/01/2024 16:11

When are you going to stop being the biggest mug on the planet? I suggest right now.

Kick this filthy, lazy, useless cocklodger right out the fucking door and never look back.

pinkyredrose · 03/01/2024 16:12

Why did you have a baby with this loser? I'd chuck him out, he adds nothing to your life.

Cuppachuchu · 03/01/2024 16:12

Cocklodger alert! ⚠️🚹

SamW98 · 03/01/2024 16:13

And you voluntarily procreated with this cock lodging man child 🤷‍♀️

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/01/2024 16:13

And you are with him at all because.....

What are you still getting out of this relationship with him?

What is the situation re the finances and property?. Are you paying all the rent and bills?.

Do not stay with such a person for the supposed sake of your child.

jannier · 03/01/2024 16:15

Well do you really mind because you had his child. What's he giving you apart from more work he doesn't even pay the rent?

IncompleteSenten · 03/01/2024 16:15

So he pays no rent or bills, does little to nothing around the house or for his child?

What's the point of him?

No, this is not how men are.

Question is, are you going to continue to accept this man?

Youthinkyoureuniqueyourejustastatistic · 03/01/2024 16:17

Yeah.
Give him £50 to go down the pub and get the locks changed.

TheCurlyKnobhead · 03/01/2024 16:18

He's got it made hasn't he? Does no childcare, does nothing around the house, doesn't contribute to rent/bills.

You're a mug

TheCatterall · 03/01/2024 16:20

You pay the rent and the bills.
you do everything at home.
you work….

you do not have a partner @Munchkinsmama21

you have a man child/cocklodger

evict him.

Munchkinsmama21 · 03/01/2024 16:22

We are meant to be moving out of this place we are living in next month and i will be telling him his not moving with me. I’m not even allowed to express my exhaustion for example yesterday I made a comment about a show we were watching just stating the mom on the show is exhausted and she doesn’t even do half of what I do and he just huffed and sighed and rolled his eyes. Everytime I talk about chores I do he huffs and sighs.

OP posts:
AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 03/01/2024 16:23

What is the point of him? What does he add to your life? You are being completely mugged off. DH and I split the bills and the housework and I still get pissed off that I carry the mental load. I have friends who are SAHM yet their DH’s still pull their weight when at home.

idontlikealdi · 03/01/2024 16:24

And the point of him is?

It is astounds me low the bar is for so many women on here.

Does he work?

TulipCat · 03/01/2024 16:25

How on earth did the situation arise whereby you agreed to pay all the rent and bills? Unless he's unwell, that's a massive red flag.

SEG152 · 03/01/2024 16:26

Why did you have a baby with this person? You knew what he was like before hand?

OhChristmassTree · 03/01/2024 16:26

Why on earth doesn't he pay any rent or bills?
I really hope you do move without him.

Fadtwtat · 03/01/2024 16:27

i will be telling him his not moving with me. good.

LorlieS · 03/01/2024 16:28

@idontlikealdi Was just about to say the same. What DOES he do?

DisforDarkChocolate · 03/01/2024 16:29

I bet you can't wait to move and leave him behind. I can guarantee you will be less tired and stressed without him dragging you down.

MindlessChatter · 03/01/2024 16:31

There are people who don't see mess and could happily live in a pigsty.
So when he tidied up for you it's because he wouldn't be arsed if it were just him there.
Some women are slovenly and some men are neat freaks. I do find that men expect more praise for everything.

SamW98 · 03/01/2024 16:49

idontlikealdi · 03/01/2024 16:24

And the point of him is?

It is astounds me low the bar is for so many women on here.

Does he work?

Yep. I’m constantly amazed at not only how low the bar is but that so many quite openly come on here and admit they’re being mugged off but don’t know what they should do about it.

betterangels · 03/01/2024 16:52

It's a new year, OP. Time to get rid of excess baggage and stop being a mug.

AgnesX · 03/01/2024 16:54

Munchkinsmama21 · 03/01/2024 16:22

We are meant to be moving out of this place we are living in next month and i will be telling him his not moving with me. I’m not even allowed to express my exhaustion for example yesterday I made a comment about a show we were watching just stating the mom on the show is exhausted and she doesn’t even do half of what I do and he just huffed and sighed and rolled his eyes. Everytime I talk about chores I do he huffs and sighs.

Are you separating then? Does he know this?

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