“I tidied up for you” erm..

[Munchkinsmama21]

So me and my other half have a 1 year old. I do pretty much everything from cooking to cleaning to laundry and even picking up after not my baby but after my partner. His a man child and we have had several fights and arguments but he just doesn’t pull his weight. He leaves things for days like empty glasses/plates etc expecting me to pick them and when I’m fed up I do however if I don’t he will put them in the kitchen after 5+ days. Ergh! Sickening. I also pay the rent and bills. However if he ever does anything for example yesterday after a couple of weeks of not doing anything he picked little ones toys and put them away and picked some rubbish around the table he games on he then came over and kissed me and said I tidied up for you??? I told him urm for me? You live here too he makes it sound like it is all on me. However that was him doing something for me despite the kitchen being piled with dishes because I’ve been working and taking care of little one and doing other chores and cooking I’ve just not had the energy to do so but he will never do the dishes or load the dishwasher most he will do is throw rubbish into the bins every few weeks and make a bottle of milk for little one like 2/3 times a month and then I never hear the end of it whn I tell him he doesn’t do anything please someone tell me this is not how men are? Like I’ve got friends and colleagues who have partners that do more around the house than them themselves I’m not cool with this shit behaviour

I had one of these man babies! I left when he was at work! Fuck him off. You’re already a single mother. Just like I was! You will be happier! Trust me!

Get rid of the manchild, and if you don't want to do that I'd be tempted to start making the same comment back to him every single time you do something house or child related

It's absolutely not normal op, far too many women tolerate being treated as skivvies and make up nonsense excuses such as 'men just don't see mess like women do' to make themselves feel better at putting up with being treated badly

ALL men are just a capable of doing these things as women are, some of them just don't want to because they think it's beneath them

Why do you pay the rent and bills, is he a college student and doesn't have a job or something,

He's being a silly boy.

He should do just enough to let you carry on doing all the work and paying all the bills without being pushed too far that you leave.

Life will be easier without him.

Good. Get rid of this useless shit. What's the point of him.

I’m with everyone else.

This man brings absolutely nothing to your life - and just creates far more work for you.

Move to your new place without him.

Throw him away and find an equal partner, where you respect and appreciate each other. Most men are not like yours, you can do much much much better. My husband has “a big important job” works very long hours, earns a lot of money. I work part-time and I am a SAHM part-time. When we are both in the house together at the weekend we do 50/50 split of housework and looking after the kids. I don’t nag him, he just does it, because he is an adult who lives in this home and he is a Father to the children. You deserve the same- go find a man who treats you with respect and kindness.

Jesus OP. He’s taking you for a mug and you’re letting him. Might as well chuck him out now, he’s a useless cocklodger

What does he actually do and pay for? Sounds like he doesn't contribute anything (other than rolling his stupid eyes).

Personally, I can't wait until you ditch this idiot.

He sounds like a child.I would not think long term this is a good RL .Why does he get away with no bill paying? Seems a bit of a waste of time

Wow, that's nuts.
I'm with everyone else...flabbergasted that you'd live with someone who does nothing and contributes nothing.

I'd tell him it's over now so he can flat hunt for himself (unless he has parents he can move in with or something. In which case I'd only give him like 2 days notice so he can pack).

Also be very clear with the new estate agents that only your name is on the lease. Tell them you've just left someone problematic so not to trust any man asking for keys.

When it comes to child visitation, never let him into your home. Ideally do any pick ups and drop offs somewhere public.

Well done for deciding to drop this manipulative, sexist loser. He will never change and your child doesn't need to grow up thinking partnerships should be unequal and parasitic like this one.

yesterday after a couple of weeks of not doing anything he picked little ones toys and put them away and picked some rubbish around the table he games on he then came over and kissed me and said I tidied up for you???

Tell him you're not interested in having sex with a teenager.

This 'man' isn't bringing anything positive to your life (except the child you created) so make sure you stick to him not moving with you.

@Munchkinsmama21 so you appear to work. does he work anywhere at all or does he just sit and play games? who looks after the baby when you are working?? why the hell are you allowing this turd to stay? kick him into touch!

Yes, stick to your idea of not letting him move with you.

Get rid
He's adding nothing to your life
I mean he gets his meals cooked,no childcare,sex on tap and doent have to take on the mental load

I moved in with dp (who is amazing at housework and does more than I do)
One day I walked in and he said 'I've done the hoovering for you'
I told him straight he did the hoovering for both of us-he immediately apologised and has never said it again
He still pulls more than his own weight around the house

My husband is equal, it's our house / kids and we share the load together.
Are you paying the house bills on your own?
Honestly I can't think of anything more unattractive and if you can afford to pay bills etc without him please release yourself of this burden!

You'd be better off on your own. At least you wouldn't be picking up his shit. Ditch him and get a cleaner.

Congratulations on your plan to move without him Op, it sounds like the perfect time to dump this loser. You'll be better off without him, less mess, less food to buy and lower Council tax. Please come back and tell us when you do it, I'd love to hear his reaction when you say you're moving on your own.
If he gets nasty Op please don't hesitate to call the police or at the very least have someone with you. Good luck!

I wish I could zap that man far away from you op!

Alas I can't! You'll have to tell him

"I don't love you, you're a total waste if space and its over. Pack your bags and get out."

Not a man child, just a child! I mean really? Needs to grow up big time. X

This cannot be real?

But I know many vulnerable women do live like this.

Did you have an abusive life growing up?

Why is being treated like this preferable to having your own clean orderly space without anyone running your bills up?

I’m imagining you’re still very young in your early 20s?

Get rid of such a disrespectful compassion-less miserable dickhead and please ensure nothing even remotely resembling this can ever happen again.

The trick is to nip things in things in the bud, challenge things the very first time! Begin today, with everyone! Practice makes perfect. Send anyone home who so much as doesn’t remove their teacup after use.

Please, no one can be allowed to move in who hasn’t already proven they are an orderly respectful grown up, and who have prepaid rent and bills well in advance before they’ve brought their bags in.

You need to take a break from men until you can figure out how and why this happened to you and how you will prevent it from happening again.

Do not expose your precious vulnerable child to this. They are stuck with you and unfortunately can’t leave this mess you are subjecting them to.
Paying a man’s share of the bills - that’s money that should be spent on or saved for your child. A man exhausting you in such a way means you have less energy for your child. Are you happy for your child to come second to this pig man?

If you won’t look after yourself for your own sake, please do it for your baby, you have a duty of care now, you must take that seriously.

I really hope you manage to get rid of this leech who is draining you of energy and will. Do be clear with your language to him ensure he knows that he's definitely not moving with you to the new home, however much he kicks off or sulks. If he can move out ASAP before the deadline then you should encourage him to, so there are no problems with your current property. Then change the locks so that he can't get back in before you leave - and tell the landlord he's officially moved out and no longer has access to your home. Give the landlord a set of the new keys.

Do you have friends/family helping you with the packing/moving? Speak to them ASAP and let them know the situation in full. Also ensure anything previous or important (legal or personal documents like birth certificates, passports, financial etc) are listed safely out of the house and with someone you really trust just in case they go "missing". Be strong and steadfast OP. 🌹

Does he work? What does his money go on?

You’re already doing it all alone. Might as well get the benefit of a tidier house, less huffing and the sofa to yourself, I reckon.

Possibly they were having fun, nights out, good sex and generally a fun time. Didn't really occur to her that children, home and family were seen as 'her' realm by him.