Daughters Boyfriend staying over

[HappFridays]

Could I have your thoughts and advice please
My 18 year old daughter has returned from uni for Christmas - she went to Newcastle boxing day to see her boyfriend and was supposed to return a week laterfor my father's 80th birthday but brought him back with her and they have been staying ever since. I said it was ok but I am really regretting this now. We live in a 2 bed tiny terrace - open plan living room so there is no where to go other than my bedroom if they are watching a movie. They have stayed in bed until 1pm/2pm. I went out yesterday for a drive and a coffee as I feel so uncomfortable in my home - sent her a text to say I would be home in 5 minutes - returned and he was lying on my sofa with no top on and had obviously been at it whilst I was out. I feel my daughter has no respect for my home and now I have opened the door of opportunity to them for the future. I did not want to look like a prude as they are in a relationship and have no where else to stay.

I think you will go crazy if they keep staying at yours. It's 3 weeks to start of uni. Can you just give them two options that they have to choose from: go to dad's or go back to uni accommodation/him home? They are adults now and therefore they have responsibilities of adults.

Stop doing any cooking for them. So what if they don't eat? That's on them.

I couldn't be bothered about them sleeping in late or hanging around in her room all day - it's her room.

They are staying at her dad's tonight and he is leaving tomorrow. I am just so tired - not slept as walls are so thin - did not feel comfortable cooking eating with them so not really eaten properly either- and yes she probably hates me for this and won't be seeing much of her - I don't even want to relax on my sofa now either - lets face it the house has just been used as a sex opportunity

@SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth
So.......once you've thrown up, you are allowed to become indepedent?🤷🏻‍♀️
Or, you have to be independent in order to be allowed to throw up?🤮
Sorry, couldn't resist.........😂

Honestly, I don't understand why you are so fixated on their sex life! Why do you think they have had sex on your sofa anyway!?

@HappFridays You are not to blame at all, you were just trying to be a good mum but unfortunately they are taking the pxxx. It was all new to me too, I had all these thoughts like, where will they go if I don't let them stay here, better they are safe under my roof etc but I didn't expect them to be so disrespectful. They also took all my food, staying in bed all day then cooking late at night and sitting in my back patio area laughing and talking loudly into the early hours, disturbing the dog and the neighbours, I had to keep getting out of bed to tell them to be quiet. I put my foot down when they were in the shower together for ages and she also helped herself to all my toiletries and perfume without asking. I'm not being petty, I don't mind someone using my shampoo, shower gel etc and I'd happily feed anyone but they took it to the extreme and really walked all over me. They saw me as a soft touch. If I was a guest in someone's house I wouldn't walk around half naked and spend hours in the only bathroom. That's just a basic lack of manners. I'd make it clear to your daughter when she goes back to uni that he can't stay again.

@Itsuitsyou thank you - I now feel horrid and embarrassed that they have had to go to her dad's but I cant deal with another sleepless night and work tomorrow. Life is hard enough with cost of living and it really spun me out buying extra food/fruit etc. They were doing the same as yours - eating late and smoking weed last night in the garden - if they can afford to buy that then why the hell should I spend my hard earned money on extra food. If they want to spend time together they need to get part time jobs and save for a holiday or a travel lodge

Well don't cook for them then, cook for yourself and when she asks where is dinner say 'there's a Tesco down the road'. And if she wants money for food she has to earn it, when she next asks for money say 'no, I spent it all on the heating bill'.

@Itsuitsyou In the shower together that is way too intimate in your own home - and using your products - no way - I am surprised they could look you in the eye - they can do all of that when they have their own place - it really is teenagers playing at being adults without all of the responsibilities and stress of paying for it

@Bananalanacake I will do - I was stressing how I wold cope with just my daughter coming back from Uni let alone a plus one. She asks for petrol money/ train tickets when she goes to newcastle - I cant afford to fund her social life to this extent - been far too soft on her

Until I was 21 my BF's were not allowed to stay over unless it was on the couch, I never had a problem with this to be honest, my parents were always nice to my BF. They have the uni life to be 'together' so they should really be ok with a few weeks of listening. I wouldn't be happy if I was you.

I'm not really understanding what they've done wrong. Is it more that in a tiny house, you are all on top of each other. It's really hard. I get on really well with my parents, but don't enjoy having them to stay, as three adults in my tiny house is just too much.

Yes it is the environment of the house. Open lounge/kitchen so no privacy when cooking/watching TV 2 small bedrooms and very small bathroom - It is a house for a single person really - added on to this I work from home since covid. <y parents never allowed me to have a boyfriend stay over so I guess it is hang ups from my child hood also. Like someone else posted - it is intrusive to have anyone in your home - I just don't feel comfortable or relaxed and naturally feel I need to host and make sure they are well fed and looked after - I only had Xmas day and boxing day off work so no chance to relax and have felt on tender hooks for days with some one else being in my home

For gods sake pull yourself together?! Maybe focus less on your daughter's sex life.

A minute ago you said they were adults acting like teenagers. Now they're teenagers acting like adults?

All three of you need a good shake tbh.

Your posts are getting more and more embellished as you are posting.

More drip feeds than the dripping tap in my bathroom.

It’s about expectations and your DD sees you as the path of least resistance. Only you can change that, your DD has no qualms about taking the proverbial so you either spell out your boundaries, or sit back and let her act the CF’er. Balls in your court.

My apartment is DD’s home but apartment rights (who pays the bills and rent) trump home rights.

This. First she was just annoyed that they were in her space at all, plus she had to put the heating on. Now all of a sudden they’re treating her like a literal slave whilst taking drugs and shagging all over her house 🙄

She and he are taking the piss. First of all I would say that if he comes again, then he remains closed at all times FFS and he buys his own food. I'd also say that unless she gets a job then I would not be giving her anything extra than just rent.

I don't like the sound of him and hopefully he will soon clear off and she'll meet someone nicer. Maybe you should say that when they come down to stay together they have to stay with her dad. It's just not fair on you if you are struggling for money and have lack of space, and are trying to work from home while those two are in the shower together!

I don't like the sound of him

Oh yes? Based on what? A one sided account of someone having histrionics about having to buy extra apples and someone sitting on the sofa.

They’re taking the piss big time! You need to prep her for her next holiday and say she has to buy the food for them, he is not to lounge round half dressed-so disrespectful! If they’re buying weed, they can definitely afford their own food. CFs, I’m afraid.

@HappFridays I hope you managed to resolve the issue. You are a saint!!! There’s no chance I’d want my daughter’s boyfriend stay in my house for more than a week. I love my privacy and I work really hard for it.
If they want to move together, it’d be definitely at their expense not on me. I’d like my children to be responsable and if they want independence then they have to work for it

Why are you being so nasty?