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Original poster

Awful situation with xdh

31 replies

jenk1 · 17/03/2008 11:12

me and xdh split 3 weeks ago and he moved into his dads.
this weekend he asked could he have both kids to stay on saturday night.

when he dropped them off there was a girl in the car with him, his stepbrothers girlfriend, when i was putting dd to bed she told me that xdh and the girl had told her they were taking her away on holiday and that the girl had gone into daddys room.

ds told me he came downstairs to find them entwined on the sofa, he,d got upset and xdh told him to shut up.
he told me the girl had been winding him up shouting boo in his ear loud (ds is asd)
i saw red and text xdh and asked him what was going on.
he sent me a number of not very nice text,saying ds is a shit stirrer and i can stick him up my arse, that ill never get another man as long as ds is with me.
he doesnt want anything to do with ds any longer, ds is not his biological child.
ds is distraught at what has gone on, but ive talked to him and made it out like its his decision that he no longer sees xdh.
ive told xdh to bring the car back that he,s not swanning around with his new girlfriend.
(he even took her to my mums yesterday looking for me)
and ive asked him not to come to the house any longer, that ill liase with his parents about dd -who he still wants to see.
im absolutely devestated for ds.
ive got to phone his school and let them know whats gone on and im dreading it.

xdh has also accused ds of being a liar and said there is nothing going on tween him and this girl but i believe ds.

OP posts:
bundle · 17/03/2008 11:16

jenk

sleepycat · 17/03/2008 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jenk1 · 17/03/2008 11:22

yes, he is so jealous of him and unable to control it.

OP posts:
Carmenere · 17/03/2008 11:25

That is really tough Jenk1 but at least it will make you sure you did the right thing.

bundle · 17/03/2008 11:26

jenk i'm in tears thinking about how a poor blameless little boy is suffering because of a cowardly, bitter adult

chamaeleon · 17/03/2008 11:31

what a horrible situation

my x was an absolute git when we split, said he wouldnt see ds2 (who is his bio child) just to upset me, i put a brave face on it and said fine, tbh it was easier that way once i got used to it and eventually x decided he would see him (easier for me than you as ds was too small to know what happened).

i know its difficult seeing your children with another woman but just try to rise above it, the texts must have made him feel great knowing he is controlling and upsetting you, you just have to ignore it and get on with making life for you and your kids as much fun as it can be.

my x assaulted me so was bailed to stay away from me when we split and i think that really helped so if you can stay away from him it might be easier. i do feel for you, but hopefully the bitterness and resentment will go away quickly

TotalChaos · 17/03/2008 11:32

sorry your x is treating your DS so abominably.

batters · 17/03/2008 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jenk1 · 17/03/2008 14:33

i am absolutely distraught at how he has treated ds.

BUT i have the mobility car back

and ive just had my first driving lesson

yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

OP posts:
Original poster
jenk1 · 17/03/2008 15:49

when i got the car back, hed left his wedding ring on the dashboard and a toy lorry that ds bought him only on saturday saying to the best dad in the whole wide world, so i asked him what did he want me to do with the ring and he said
"stick it up your arse"

OP posts:
wooga · 17/03/2008 15:58

That's unbelievably cruel-tears just reading this-your poor ds

My ds has asd and it's disgusting the way that woman took advantage of this.

You're definitely better off away from him-he'll hopefully get his comeuppance,what a nasty nasty piece of work.

moondog · 17/03/2008 16:01

OMG

What an unbelievably evil man.

He isn't human.

Fucking hell,I am staggered that anyone could treat a little child like this.

Jesus Christ alive.

chamaeleon · 17/03/2008 16:02

what a horrid thing to do. just keep telling yourself you and ds are better off without that kind of poison in your lives

Freckle · 17/03/2008 16:07

Just comfort yourself with the fact that, although he is not ds's biological father and he doesn't want to have anything to do with him, as ds has been treated as a child of the family, he may still have to pay maintenance for him.

He really is scum, isn't he? And the girl doesn't sound any nicer.

MarsLady · 17/03/2008 16:08

I'm sorry he's such a sh*t jenk.

You're a great mother and you will reap the benefits from your children.

He will reap what he has sown!

PersonalClown · 17/03/2008 16:10

I have a baseball bat if you wish to borrow it Jenk. Or I'll use it on him and her.
I'd batter anyone who treated my ASD ds like that.
Very for you and your DC.

Twiglett · 17/03/2008 16:16

omg .. poor ds and dd and poor you?

Is he DS's biological father? Or has he been his father for a long time?

Not that it makes any difference to what a shit he's being (I know a man who's doing this with both his kids at the moment, such a control freak he's not turning up for visitation to punish the mother .. shit-head)

Original poster
jenk1 · 17/03/2008 17:42

yes ds is 11 and xdh has been his father since he was just 3.

ive just been to see the head of care at the special school, i advised him today what had gone on and he took ds for a walk and had a chat with him, he said i want you to pick up th ephone any time even if its just for a chat.
he said ds was chirpy today and that he willneed a lot of tlc which i and his school will give him.
ive now decided xdh is as good as dead to me, i dont want anything to do with him or his family and have told him to stay away from my house.
i suspect the little tart he,s with will soon lose her appeal as i think he was only using her to get to me through ds, once he realises im not biting he,ll be so pissed off.
my mum and sisters have gone ballistic and have told me in no uncertain terms to cut him off which i shall do.
ds is asking can he ring xdh and ive had to say not tonight, i dont know what to tell him, he thinks that if xdh says sorry then everything will be ok but he,s not doing this to ds anylonger.

OP posts:
captainmummy · 17/03/2008 17:50

Well done - as good as dead! Repeat at intervals...as good as dead. that anyone could treat his 'child' like this...what damage he could have done!

So glad ds has you to protect him.

totaleclipse · 17/03/2008 17:52

How awful, so angry for you, I would keep the nasty texts he has sent to you, they may come in handy.

CarGirl · 17/03/2008 17:55

I wonder if he'll lose interest in his dd after time as well?

Try to stay cool calm and collected at all times that will have far more of an impact on your ex than seeing you got at by him. It will also reduce the game playing.

Good luck

squimlet · 17/03/2008 17:56

oh jenk. this is an awful situation for you. I feel for you as obv he is your xdh but nothing can condone the way he spoke about your ds...nothing.
DS is a child and as dh is aparently an adult he should behave as one. Completed unacceptable.
You love your ds lots and pots (as dd would put it) and quite frankly SOD your xdh

Original poster
jenk1 · 17/03/2008 19:53

i asked ds what he wanted for his tea and he said xdh,s head on a plate, he said im not talking about him anymore mum, he doesnt exist, im not calling him dad any longer.
we have agreed a pact that he doesnt exist in our lives any longer.

he is a wicked wicked man.

OP posts:
littlewoman · 17/03/2008 20:07

Jenk, I'm so sorry for the pain this man has caused you. I can't believe what they were doing shouting in his ear. That in itself just goes to show they have NO emotional intelligence.
All this might make it hard for your dd though, which in turn will make it harder again for you. I hope you are able to get through it ok. My xh's family cut off my eldest two kids (who weren't his) when we divorced. It is so hurtful, and that's exactly why they do it I suppose. I hope you get through this crap ok.

Original poster
jenk1 · 17/03/2008 20:20

im shaking like a leaf, i dont know how long this has been going on for.
but his reaction was so aggressive and he brought the car back straightaway no questions asked, i think he,s terrified ill tell her boyfriend who is his stepbrother.

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