Second thoughts about kicking out cocklodger/useless man. Talk sense into me

[1CocklodgerHouse]

I’m kicking him out for lots of reasons and I need a good head wobble which I know you are all good at. Sorry if this is long!

The reasons include: he has cleaned the house once since moving in two months ago and we both did it so it was 50% of once, he doesn’t even change loo rolls, he uses my car everyday for work and never really asked or said thanks and has never taken me out to practise driving, caused mould problems in several rooms, broken several things + chipped lots of paint and not apologised or offer to repair/replace (in fact said I shouldn’t get upset over material things)
He is also dismissive of my feelings or calls me dramatic, gambles, is a dangerous driver, very focused on money but has none, not supportive of me, says he doesn’t have time to do things with me (but could magically always find time for sex 🙄)
In the couple of days before I gave him notice he snapped at me over something very cocklodgery, gave me the silent treatment because I asked him to take the bin out, watched a football game while driving and peed on someone’s front hedge/wheelie bin instead of finding a toilet 5 mins away

The problem is that despite everything it’s been nice to have someone around the house. And in fact we’ve kind of got on better since I gave him notice because I’ve stopped expecting anything of him and we’ve been civil but he’s out or shut in a room a lot so I know he’s here but don’t really see him

I’ve always thought I like living alone but I guess maybe not as much as I thought? But how could I trust that a random lodger will be nice and pull their weight when I thought my bf was nice and clean but it quickly turned out he can’t manage the bare minimum of either of those things?

I know I’ve made the right decision and I was so proud of myself. But now I feel really silly for doubting it and to be honest a bit pathetic for feeling sad about him leaving

You would be an absolute mug to let him carry on living with you. You honestly can't be this desperate for a bloke! Get better boundaries and have better standards.

If I needed to feel there was someone ‘around’ in my house I’d rather have a Poltergeist than this man!

It’s not pathetic to feel sad at a relationship ending but whatever you do don’t let any feeling of loneliness lead you to entertain letting this idiot back in. Silent treatment, peeing on peoples bins, gambling, driving dangerously, being lazy. Seriously, being alone is better than that!

OP, if you want company around the house then get a cat or a dog. At least they'd show you some affection.

Take all the points above and put them in a bullet point list and look at it every time you're wavering, to remind yourself why it's good for him to go. You don't need to settle for this. Have some respect for yourself and take some time to find someone decent. It will seriously be better to spend some time alone than endure this awful behaviour.

Ltb and get a dcat....
Less messy. More affectionate...

Another vote for ‘get rid of him and get a cat’ 🐈‍⬛
early days should be good, easy, not treating you so disrespectfully.

Haha I have cats! Perhaps time for another 2 or 3

It’s put me off dating because I don’t want a man if they’re like this (thankfully my first like this but MN has taught me there are quite a few out there) so it’s just nonsensical for me to feel like this!

It’s not pathetic to feel sad about a relationship ending

but end it must as he will drive you nuts
and it will end anyway

and take your time looking for a lodger and filter carefully

Have a bit of respect for yourself OP.

Know your worth. He clearly doesn't. Sounds like a waste of space

Just a note that people are not coming onto Mumsnet to write about their brilliant partners and husbands. You only hear about one negative side of the male population.

There are millions of men out there who would treat you right and likely be the love of your life.

He doesn't have 1 redeeming feature does he.
Get rid, and value yourself more.

You’ve done the hardest bit, which is telling him it’s over.

Stick to your guns. It doesn’t sound like he was actually bringing anything to the table.

I won’t ever take another husband but I’d probably have a handyman for a fling. Got loads of jobs need doing…

There's is a saying, 'Why go out for a Hamburger, when I can have steak at home?'

Your man isn't even a Turkey Twizzler.

Bin the useless lump.

Well done for getting rid . Cats are much better company and demand little except food, a comfy bed and cuddles (on their terms) 😇😇

Get a cat!

Christ, if all he brings is 'someone round the house' get a lodger! At least you'll have ground rules and an income.
He's disgusting, like an infestation why isn't your skin crawling? Get him out!

Stick to your guns - of course things feel better now that you know he's going, but overall it will be so much better without him.

You’re all right, the only things I can think that I’m getting from this are a bit of money, an occasional laugh and a “presence”, which could come from someone else

And @Echobelly it makes sense that things feel better with the relief of him going. And also us not really spending any time together so we don’t have disagreements and I don’t see him being a dick. Or peeing on bins

You’re right, people don’t really make posts about how their partner is always amazing. It does give me some comfort when someone asks about something rubbish their partner did and people give examples of what their own (kind and caring) partner would do, so hopefully there are more caring than useless ones out there!

Get a dog instead, it’ll be cheaper then you can pay for driving lessons.

This would be better than keeping him in your home -

www.argos.co.uk/product/9488214?clickSR=slp:term:cutouts:50:150:1

shouldn’t get upset over material things

He's telling you he's going to keep wrecking your house. What a wanker.

If you're lonely get a dog. He sounds like a nightmare.

Oh I Had one of those, they are a pest to get rid off.

1. You will never be able to reason with a man like this. They have a special entitlement feature which kicks in as soon as the first plastic bag of clothes has been dropped on your beautiful bedroom floor.
2. They will forget their wallet at home when you are out, either shopping, or at an event, very convenient for them. Say they will pay next time, or transfer money over, but that is like the loo roll, never happens.
3. Calling them up on their behaviour they revert back to a 2 year old tantrum like episode but with an adult ability of walking out on you, every time.
4. Cleaning and cooking, only if it benefits him with either sex, money borrowing or more sex.
5. Respecting you never existed and its all bout what you provide, which is food, shelter, sex and money

if you throw him out and tell him why, and yes he knows full well why, he has form for this, he will come back, sweet talk you into thinking it was all because he was having a really tough time, and you need to be more understanding, flexible. You know, give him some slack.
He will roll back into your messeger, watsapp, emails, front door, with promises of bettering, he is so worth your forgiveness and all that jazz.

HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU and will replace you very, very quickly.

Get rid