My partner of 10 years has left me.

[Roseypie]

My partner of 10 years has left me for the second time, telling me all the same exact things as last year that he doesn’t love me anymore and there’s no future. He’s left our family home and 4 year old daughter. I know it’s foolish of me to want him to come back but I love him. He’s barely spoken to me and just left. If he really doesn't love me, why is this the same pattern and words as last year when he did it? I’m so confused.

After doing it before I would be tempted to just let him go 👋

Nothing seems to have changed in a year? What was wrong then, why did he come back?

Feels like the script. What's her name then? Maybe this one will keep him...

It sounds like nothing has changed for him throughout last year and he’s found himself in a bit of a Groundhog Day situation, so has decided to mark today as his new start.
It’s no less upsetting for you, OP, but if he’s telling you an identical story one year on, it sounds like he might be done. I’m not sure trying to persuade him otherwise would achieve anything but more wasted months. It is horrible, especially at this time of year, I hope you have some friends and family to lean on.

He has a girlfriend.

Last year was regarding finance stuff and that why he left and said he no longer loved me after 2/3 months of going back and forth he wanted to try and make it work again, when I questioned that he didn’t love me he said ‘you know I always will’. I just don’t understand. The reason this time he’s said it’s because me and my 4 year old talk to him like shit and that I just don’t listen I never listen and he’s stressed. Maybe he never really loved me in the first place!

I’m sorry but I think he has someone else
let him go

The fact he is offering different reasons a year on doesn’t necessarily mean his reasons for wanting to split are different. Do the financial stresses still exist? Do you talk to him ‘like shit’? (I’d wager a guess you don’t…) Could his reasons for splitting have compounded over the past year?

There’s someone else.

It’s over. Accept it .

I expect he talks to you like shit sometimes too but you haven’t walked out have you?

His excuse is probably a catalyst to all sorts of issues in his head and the boil has, for him, burst again.

Maybe he set himself a year to rescue your relationship and in his head it hasn’t worked so he’s sticking to his plan to end things? Your time is up!

Let him go, but watch the space!

Let him go, breathe a sigh of relief! Take some time for yourself this year. Do not take him back. Whatever his problem is it’s not you, he’s lashing out and it will never be right. Stay strong 💐

It's over. He came back last time, but he's still not happy. Let him go.

I'd guess there is someone else. Men seldom jump until they have somewhere to jump to. If he comes back in 6 months time, say no. You can't let this happen repeatedly.

Time to build yourself a new life. Good luck. x

If you love someone you don’t hurt them the same way twice. The first time could have been a mistake and maybe forgiven, the fact he’s done it again shows he doesn’t care.

Pick yourself up OP and build a brighter future for you and your DC. In the meantime I’ll send you a gentle hug and a hand hold

No the financial side of things are great now and haven’t been an issue since we got back together.
I guess it’s time to let go then and let him figure it all out for himself.
in still in the family home with our daughter and he has gone to his parents, he’s taken some stuff but not everything yet.
and yes I probably do talk him like crap but only if he’s annoyed me, I did everything for him cooked cleaned work full time take care of our daughter schools runs etc he goes to work and comes home!
thank you for all the replies 😀

I did everything for him cooked cleaned work full time take care of our daughter schools runs etc he goes to work and comes home!

JFC you were an absolute doormat to this manchild. No wonder he thinks he can come and go as the fancy takes him.

When you get over the shock you'll be better off without him, OP.
Cry when you need to, tell mumsnet or someone you trust, and slowly rebuild without him. Look after yourself and your little one.

Cherchez la femme!

His reasons are pathetic - your 4yo dd talks to him like shit?🤣that’s actually laughable.

Pretty sure a new girlfriend will soon crawl out of the woodwork - sorry op 💐

Hi. Just an update. My ex came over last night and it was like we were normal again! I am a fool to let him back but it’s so hard when we have a child and a home, I asked if he was coming back this evening and he said not, so I’ve just been picked up and let down again! I feel so silly. 🥹

if you talk to your partner like crap because you're annoyed then yes, they will stop loving you, that's generally how it works

You both need to make your mind up whether the relationship is over or not. If you are working on the relationship he doesn't get to flounce off whenever suits, and if it's over practicalities need to be sorted, either way he can't be in and out whenever he feels like it.

I’m sorry you are going through this op.

Let him go op. Do not chase, beg, or plead. His different reasons do not add up.

Vent your emotions on Mumsnet and when you interact with him be cold and practical and appear upbeat.

Don’t let him sleep with you and then leave again.

If he’s leaving he does not get to come over at night.

You are allowed a say in this process as well op. Why are you letting him decide everything?

Protect yourself op and give yourself the respect you deserve even if he doesn’t.

This. Sorry op. Get the financials sorted and contact CMS, etc.

Also op, you might look at what you have written here:

and yes I probably do talk him like crap but only if he’s annoyed me, I did everything for him cooked cleaned work full time take care of our daughter schools runs etc he goes to work and comes home!
thank you for all the replies 😀

I could be totally wrong but it sounds like you did more than your fair share of everything on top of working ft and all childcare and he contributed nothing other than work, and you lost your temper with him because of the sheer unfairness of that situation.

So think about that for the future. Why would you want someone who treats you so unfairly? Why are you happy to settle for so little and indeed want that situation back?

I am not saying this to be horrible but to get you to see that that imbalance is not sustainable and to get you to understand that you deserve so much better. Maybe reach out for some counselling and support if possible to talk through why you are happy to settle for that? Take care op.

Did you sleep with him last night? If you did, then that's unforgivable on his part.