Struggling about exes success

[ClaudiaAndHerFringe]

Really struggling seeing twatty exes who messed me about years ago being happily married with successful businesses and jobs, houses etc. Feeling maudlin.

Don't look them up it's as simple as that

How do you know about their lives? You’re tormenting yourself, only you can stop doing it. There must be good things in your own life you can celebrate?

I sometimes wonder if I should have married any of my exes. I’d have a nice house, car, holidays… But I didnt want them then, I don’t want them now. My marriage isn’t perfect, but at least I’m not married to some golf, red trouser-wearing twat.

They live quite close by me. He really was a jerk he future faked, gave me an STD, told lies and had failed businesses and was ugly now I look back. Yet a decent woman married him, they've got lovely kids that look nothing like him, all got personal registration range rovers outside.

Comparison in the thief of joy. Don't waste headspace on them. Their lives are almost certainly not as rosy as they look anyway. Everyone is dealing with some sort of crap.

Focus on the positive things in your own life and stop letting the past haunt you. Happiness is in the present.

None of those positive things make up for him being a horrible partner. You're luckier than you realise to not be with him!

you don’t know what it’s like behind closed doors op, they could be absolutely miserable together

Maybe he's mortgaged to the hilt financing these businesses and the the cars are rentals. Maybe his wife is shagging the neighbour and the kids aren't even his. Maybe his whole life is as big a sham as the contrived personality mask he put on to rope you in.

You just don't know from the outside.
But you can always count on narcissists to exaggerate their image and status through buckets of lies. So I'd be very surprised if his life is as rosey as you think it looks.

Jealousy is a curse.

What about what you have achieved over the years? Think of the high points.

I'm sure your achievements have made you happy. Why care about his life. He's irrelevant.

Don’t be jealous of someone with a personal reg Range Rover, that’s tacky as fuck

Channel your jealousy. Improve your own lot best you can and ignore theirs. It's not like their success is linked to yours.

It's not really. There's no point pissing on their chips.

I know but I keep thinking he's metamorphosised into a good bloke. I was mortified to have been involved with him and people laughed at him back then.

He messed me about terribly and was quite nasty when I asked for answers. Gaslighting too. Told me that he'd met someone else who was going to punch my lights out if I didn't stop bothering him. And he was a liar.

I'm not jealous as such, I don't want him or a range rover either. He still looks like a gremlin. Those children must take after his wife.

Houses built of straw frequently fall down.

@ClaudiaAndHerFringe Is this from social media? The thing is, you don't know what's going on behind closed doors

You've no idea what life is like behind closed doors. He's very likely still horrendous to his wife unfortunately. Plus could very easily be living way beyond his means. I know a guy who's had multiple failed business but now living in a big house with big fancy cars. I've only recently found out he rents the house from his mate because he can't get credit, owes said mate thousands and it's totally fractured the relationship.

Comparison is the thief of joy

@annaT2122 He lives on the next road so I saw the house and cars. I was on a local community group and saw him on there and looked at his page. I was amazed how many friends he had saying nice things. The son just bought a house and he's 20. However his parents' house has been sold, maybe they died, and money could have come from there.

The woman he alleged was going to punch me is friends with him! Married and living 200 miles away though.

People up the road from us just sold their house. They had to. Couldn't afford the mortgage. They've also lost their 2 top of the range Range Rovers. Kids taken out of private school etc. Was all borrowed money.
Comparison is the theft of joy.
Enjoy what you have.

It's not that I want him or the things he has, more I'm cross that he's an arsehole who has got on in life.

How long ago were you together OP?

People change. I certainly did things I’m not proud of through my twenties, but I learned from those situations. Some ex partners were awful to me, but they helped me end up where I am. Maybe he’s just grown up. Maybe he looks back on his behaviour and hopes no one ever treats one of his kids the way he treated you and feels shame.

Or maybe he’s really a dickhead and his wife is cheating on him. You just never bloody know.

@NewYearNewNothingImGreat Over 20 years, we were in our 20s.

I married someone else who turned out to be a liar and fraudster and I had to start all over again in the tiniest house you could imagine.

Ignore all the people telling you it’s all fake, and straw houses. That’s just validating you. It was 20 years ago.

You’re not annoyed with him, you’re annoyed at your more recent ex and yourself for choosing another dud.

The comparison is the thief joy thing is such a trite and pointless thing to say, when it’s the only thing in a reply you have to wonder if they were really trying to be helpful. But the principle that you need to own your own choices and make the best of your lot is obviously right. Stop wasting your precious time and energy griping about what he’s got and get what you want. So what he looks like a gremlin? That’s just nasty. Maybe he grew up, worked hard, made a success of himself and has a great marriage with a wonderful woman. That takes nothing away from you. If you want what you envy him having then take steps to get it. Or choose to wallow and be bitter. But it is a choice. His happiness and success don’t mean there’s less of either you could have.