Struggling about exes success

[ClaudiaAndHerFringe]

Really struggling seeing twatty exes who messed me about years ago being happily married with successful businesses and jobs, houses etc. Feeling maudlin.

If your life isn't where you want it to be then that is on you, there's absolutely nothing to be gained with jealousy and bitterness of an ex from 20 years ago

I didn't realise he's an ex of more than 20 years ago. You really need to let it go op. This kind of envy is unhealthy

It's not something I dwell on. I only thought about him because I saw him on a community group yesterday. Day to day I don't give him a thought.

It is in my opinion. Range rovers and personalised number plates are classic signs of boorish braggart losers.

When I went out with him he was terrible for bragging. I think a lot of it was fibs.

He still looks like a gremlin.

Why did you go out with someone that you thought was ugly?!

This.

Also, work on yourself and knock their success out of the park. Thats what i did and boy it feels goood 😎🤣

Did he actually ask you to marry him?

@Shinyandnew1 I started dating him because I was bored (was not really into him at first, knew him through friends) and he ramped up the attention, I was quite low at the time. @Honeychickpea yes he did but then gaslit me about it.

The personalised Range Rovers, your tiny house etc. All speak volumes about you.

How you are feeling has nothing to do with him and everything to do with how you feel about yourself and your life.

The thing is, he may well have metamorphosed into a decent bloke; it is possible despite what well-meaning friends might tell you.

Just concentrate on yourself. You didn’t want him then; he wasn’t right for you.

How do you gaslight someone about choosing to get married? You made the mutual decision then he pretended to forget that you had done so?

How you are feeling has nothing to do with him and everything to do with how you feel about yourself and your life

He has triggered feelings within you that you need to understand and resolve. Resentment at life & your choices? Sadness that you won't have the life you imagined? All normal to have strong feelings but you just need to work through those feelings and gain acceptance. Start journaling as that will genuinely help. As it's the start of the year decide what small steps you can take to improve your life over the next 12 months. Setting a goal will distract you.

However I also think it's natural to wonder why "bad" people appear to have success, but remember no one life is perfect.

I get he was a c* to you and you're allowed to feel what you feel but he may have grown up and is trying to be a better person. He's allowed to have a happy life and a family, people change and even if he hasn't. You should move on

@Honeychickpea Yes that's exactly what he did. Denied having asked and called me a fantasist.

So he’s an ugly cunt with a few quid and a hideous personality? You’ll be ok, OP. But do stop looking.

It does no good to focus on exes IMO - if they are successful it makes you feel unsuccessful in comparison, whereas if they are drinking themselves to death and practically in the gutter you feel soiled by having associated with them. The only good ex is a dead one IMO 😂although it's still annoying to read all the undeserved social media tributes on the anniversary of their passing!

If you feel jealous of someone or inadequate compared to someone from your past, it can alert you to what's missing in your own life and be an impetus for positive change. That's how I try to think, anyway.

OP, other posters are right. Why even think about it?

I went out with a lad about 30 years ago when we were in the 6th form. His family were lovely and very well off. He was lovely but we were just incompatible really.

We bumped into each other around 8 years ago. He's incredibly successful now - successful businesses, was married (now divorced) to a beautiful woman, is a millionaire, very good looking himself. Very money focused (obviously!) but not arrogant. The sort of person everyone genuinely loves. He's popular, well known and well liked in the local area. Volunteers with animals in his free time. I've never met anyone with a bad word to say about him.

Just an all around lovely man. A couple of years ago, we kind of hooked up a bit over the summer. He lent me something quite valuable (financially and sentimentally) I still have it. He's said to take my time. So he's generous too.

He asked me out a couple of times the summer we hooked up but I turned him down - it's a nice memory and I'm pleased for him that his life has turned out so well - but I have no desire to revisit it. We'd still be incompatible and our life priorities are so different.

Later that year, I met my partner. We'll never have the lifestyle I could have had with that man. But that doesn't interest me. We just wouldn't be right for each other.

I just can't imagine having any disgruntled feelings or feelings of envy towards any of my exes. It just feels like such a waste of time and energy tbh.

Are you happy with your life?

This so so true.

I lovey little house, my imperfect family and my partner. I feel a real sense of joy and contentment with them.

What do you need to do to find that joy and contentment within your own life, OP?

Because that's your route out of the way you feel.

@Snowdogsmitten that made me laugh thank you!