My head is all over worried sick

[downinthedumps82]

I've been dating a guy for 5 months. He is a very nice guy. Almost too nice. Last month he's been doing things I don't like.

I have previously posted about him lying about taking coke. He said he's never don't it around me but I don't believe it.

I've previously been in an emotional abusive relationship for 4 years. He utterly destroyed me.

I'm in a much better place but this new guy have manipulated me gas lighting and lying in the last month. So before it gets worse I ended it but he completely lost it went on a binge of alcohol said he had drank a full botttle of vodka straight larger and whisky saying he was going to kill him self. . I was begging him to stop. And the vulnerable side let him talk me back around to giving it another go. It's been a few days and I've ended it for good. He's accepted it but begging me to meet up tomorrow. I've said I will be he won't talk me around.

I've ended it on the emotional blackmail. He's saying to me he's not toxic and it's just because he loves me.

I thinking I'm just posting this to talk about it, I'm really struggling feel like a shitty person doing this over Christmas and new year. But I've ignored my gut and this time around and early on I recognise it's unhealthy

Block him immediately. Don't give him any access to you. Be grateful it's 5 months not 5 years.

So sorry about your dad. Sending love.

Why is his decision to become unemployed anything to do with you? If nothing else, he'd have less money with which to buy cocaine or tiny little bottles of vodka and whisky.

He's abusive. You know it. He knows it but doesn't give a shit, as his bags of shite are far more valuable to him than your safety, emotional health and unhappiness. He doesn't love you, you're just another tool, like a mirror or razor blade to chop up his lines and in his mind, you're a malfunctioning tool that, like a washing machine with a dodgy connection inside, needs a metaphorical thump to get back to servicing him. Your realising the risks earlier is a threat to his coke buzz, which is making him like this - he's doing this to you because it's how he thinks you will cave in again and keep him happily nose deep in his only love.

Block him. Don't give him a second of your time.

@downinthedumps82, this sadistic manipulator is playing you like a fiddle. You are his latest target. He reels in women with his Nice Guy act and then the abuse starts — lies, gaslighting, threats of self-harm, etc.

He’s a substance abuser who gets off on mistreating vulnerable women, and he is repeating his pattern with you. And you are repeating your pattern by staying mired in his poison.

Block him, @downinthedumps82, and don’t look back.

In school every female child should be pulled a side for one lesson a year and has to write lines on a board that say “It’s not your job to save anyone but yourself” and this should happen consistently until it sinks in so they can grow up to be women who raise eyebrows at behaviour like this instead of guilt tripping themselves into believing it.

His known you less than a year, he is not going to kill himself for you, he doesn’t even know you, and if he does you can rest assure that it’s nothing to do with you and obviously due to his life, not you.

When you feel tempted to meet up to 'be kind' take a moment to imagine your life handcuffed to an unstable, unpredictable substance user who ruins every aspect of your life and never let's you have a moments peace of mind, or any hope of a normal life. You won't be able to get away from him, because you'll be too scared of what he will do to you or himself. If he's acting like this in the basis of a relatively short relationship, how much worse would he be if you let him get really attached and invested? You've made a run for it while it was relatively easy. For goodness sake don't let pity drive you back as it will be harder to get away next time.

He might hurt you if you try to meet up.

Don't go back.

Also sounds like you need to grow some self esteem and love yourself more and be gentle on your self. Make 2024 a year of you. Focus on yourself. Stay single. Invest in selfcare, physically and internally and feel good about yourself. When you love yourself and know your worth then the love you desire will find you.

Block him and probably a good idea to change your phone number.

He sounds the type to use other people's mobile to make contact.

OP you won't be the first , or last, woman he does this behaviour too.

How is he a nice guy? He sounds nasty and abusive

You didn't break him and you can't fix him. The suicide threat is manipulation, and is a particularly horrible thing to to do to you because of your dad's suicide. Imagine taking a most traumatic event in your partner's life and threatening it as a tool to get what you want--that is what he's doing to you. Awful, awful behavior. Block and leave him blocked.

No. He won’t. I can absolutely guarantee you if that. He’s just trying to manipulate you, just like your vile ex.

Why do you care? He's not your problem. Block him.

OP - you know you need to break the cycle.

You can’t spend your life worrying about toxic, manipulative men you barely know.

You will never be happy.

He’s not going to self-destruct. You know this deep down.

Block him, move on with your life, be single for a while (surely being single is a million times less stressful than this), and get things on an even keel.

Don’t meet him. There is no need. It’s over, now block him.

@Grimchmas I'm really sorry about your partner. Thank you too all of you for support and advice.