Not sure OLD is the right platform for me

[TakeMeToLondonTown]

Hi,

Ended my 23 year marriage 3 years ago due to differences which were making it unbearable for me (age gap, lack of attraction, sexless marriage - my doing).

Joined OLD (various sites) over a year ago and had a few dates but just seemed to be getting messed around and most of them I wasn't keen on anyway.

My male cousin (also divorced) is the same
age as me (51) and he doesn't seem to have any problem at all getting women! He lives with someone he met on Bumble. We are both reasonably good looking for our age.

Is it harder for a 51 year old woman than a 51 year old man with OLD? My cousin, btw, looks
a bit like Jude Law which probably explains why he doesn't have any problems but I'm not so bad myself! Well, I didn't think so. I get likes but no-one seems to strike up my interest.

I sometimes feel I should say I'm 45.

Is OLD always so soul destroying? I'm
so lonely (no parents or siblings alive). Two kids but one at university and the other ignores
me a lot (always in her room).

Are there any secret ways to meet nice men of
my age group? 49-55 yrs? Am I looking in the wrong place?

Maybe check out groups on Meet-up or Facebook that you could join. Focus on making friends who you enjoy spending time.
This year i managed to make friends through a women’s book group, definitely make feel more at home in the community.

It's not the right platform I've come to the same conclusion.
It is easier for men because they are searching within a wider age range and are looking for younger women.
I am 47 and I'd date 40-55 but the men over 50 that 'like' me are just gross and haven't taken care of themselves. Think overweight, smokers who are lying about their age.
Bald is fine if they are otherwise fit and well presented, but most aren't.
Any man who I 'like' tends not to reciprocate.
I am not interested in men in their late 50s and 60s.
Also, I have a professional job, own house and good income, with lots of friends. I don't need a relationship so I don't settle.
It's a recipe for heading into retirement as a single I fear.
No idea where the fit guys aged 45-55 are. Probably happily married.
Men go younger and settle.
Women don't tend to accept older men who they don't fancy.
That's my conclusion anyway

I came to same conclusion about myself. Tried OLD but only has a handful of dates, attracted too many men who went straight to sex talk and was bombarded with likes by the most unsuitable men.

I’m 55, reasonably attractive, well turned out, witty and articulate but I really attract men I wouldn’t go anywhere near.

Staying single now. It’s so much less stress

OLD has made it easy to access a much broader age group to date so men who are reasonably in shape and with a half decent job and single in this age range 49-55 are looking or at least hoping to date women in early 40s on OLD at least. When I (early 40s) briefly ventured into OLD majority of incoming likes were from them. I didn’t meet any of them since I didn’t think most of them were in decent shape and very few would have been able to keep up with my level of fitness so I am not sure how successful they were in dating someone my age but they definitely tried! Very eye opening since in real life I tend to attract people in their 20s/30s who assume I am close to their age. I have personally given up as most of my 40s single female friends.
In any event, I do think it is worthwhile joining any industry/professional bodies and their networking events, social clubs and any other local events. I haven’t met anyone age appropriate IRL, either but am persisting.

It's depressing. I really didn't think it'd be like this. My brother died a few years ago and his widow (aged 66) has met someone else (67) on Match. All going really well and I'm happy for her - she told me she didn't want to be lonely. And then Carol Kirkwood (61) gets married to a man 13 years her junior! I'm feeling pretty sad that I'm 51 and in this position. And 'All By Myself' came on the radio earlier. I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

I've been on dates with a few but most were after a quick shag! I didn't btw! Went quiet once I'd gone home and I never heard from them again. I also attract the sex chat ones!

I am sorry to hear that, as I always find your posts stand out for their wit and wisdom. That is, I'm happy that you're happy single, but it's a sorry state of affairs about the poor quality of men out there and what they are passing up. I do think with long-term single men the phrase "pearls before swine" is often apt.

(Btw I'm not a male poster trying to crack onto you, just a straight female poster giving a clumsy compliment 😅)

dont give up totally

but also try and add value to your life that’s outside of dating , and not dating !
as it’s tough

you now have the time to pursue stuff that interests you
frankly that’s a very good investment of time and effort

xmas and NY is a harder than usual time to be single too

but there are worse fates than being single x
but this time of year stings

I am in a happy relationship but we are not interested in marrying so no ring. I'm 55 overweight and self employed ( read poor). No word of a lie I am asked out at least monthly. Do you get out without the kids? I've been asked out on jury service, supermarket. Dog walking at the garage for service, hotel bars at networking events and online networking. I'm open and smiley and initiate conversation everywhere I go, it's my job. Do you act available? Plenty of eye contact, not wearing your wedding ring and smiling that's the best way. I've no idea if these men are actually available as I always politely decline but I don't worry about being single. You sound very attractive and charismatic, I'm sure it won't be long till you find the right person.

I would say have a break for a while and then start up again maybe in the lead up to the Spring/Summer. I was 63 when I met my now H on OLD - he is 5 years younger than me. It ended up that we lived very close to each other but we would likely never have met in real life as he was working in the day and I rarely went out at night, neither did he very often come to that. He is on the same social/financial level as myself which is important to me. Depending on your lifestyle and where you live there may not be the same opportunity to meet suitable men. Think of it like this - if you went into a pub what are the chances of you fancying any of the men there? Then what is the chance of them fancying you? The first meet up is like an interview - it's just to see if there is a possibility. Would you be disappointed if every man in the pub didn't like you? No - because that's how life is. I know many successful couples who met OLD.

I think this is a lot of my problem. I don't get out much without my daughter (15) tagging along. I work full time in a professional/managerial role so often stressed out a bit with that but my daughter also won't go to her dad's place leaving me with little break/freedom.

I like photography and walking/hiking (so combine the two) but she hates it! All she wants to do is go shopping (which I now hate). I think I need to start leaving her more. She is 16 in a few months.

Men at work like me though - even the 37 year old who drools over me! It's pathetic tbh. I always have a man taking me for lunch at work so it's not like I'm the ugly ducking. All are married though and none take my fancy anyway.

Slim pickings, attractive older men that aren't sleazy and want a relationship, compared to more women want a relationship they will get snapped up quickly, also its so difficult to judge by pictures online I find, the chemistry won't always be there in person. Look for slightly younger and cast your search wider if you're ok to travel further out.

I've been dumped by the last five men I've dated this year. All way below the standards I should accept, so it hurts all the more - even crap men don't want me.

So avoiding all sites now, staying single in 2024.

I'd go to the top and bottom of the UK (and, even relocate once my youngest is off to university) for the right man. I really would.

It's awful. I know what you mean. I think I need to ditch the apps as they're making me feel worse.

Hope you find someone.

Men who drool like theyre looking at sweeties in a sweet shop for something they want but can't have, are the lowest of the low.. It isnt any measure of attraction, its unclassy - so at least you can comfort yourself that they are all one tracked minded and after one thing only. It's a useful filter to get rid of dross quickly.

I think OLD is an established way to meet people however it's not the only one. I doubt it's easier for one gender. Whether it's a date or sex ordinary women can get both a lot easier than ordinary men....ordinary women are probably less able to find someone who meets their general needs within a relationship though. Obs if youre rich or stunning these odds change.
I found the hardest thing with OLD was agreeing how you want to play things. Some people like a text or 2, a call then a date pretty soon. Others like to chat on line till they get to know you a bit better. Some like to talk with one person only, others might have a mid week date lined up elsewhere when youre on your 3rd date....and everything in-between. That's what I found challenging...that 'what are you looking for?'

I think it's just a numbers game. I went back on the apps after 5 years of being single recently and almost gave up after 3 weeks of people just out for a shag or dirty messages. On the advice of someone on here I tried a different app and have now had several dates with someone who seems pretty great.

I did make it very clear on my profile the second time what I wanted and what I definitely wouldn't be interested in though so I think that helped.

Thank you ☺️ I see so many comments about how easy it is for women to find a man but it’s tumbleweed for me.
Maybe I’m too fussy but I get very few matches and even the ones I chat to go nowhere and fizzle out after a couple of days.

i wasn’t even looking for anything serious or heavy, just casual dating but I’ve only actually had 5 dates in a year and nothing since the summer so it’s a waste of time.

I’ve tried every app going and it’s the same with all of them. I go out at least a couple of times a month, I’m very chatty and sociable but I get absolutely no male attention what so ever.

Most of my friends had similar experiences, we joke about all living together in a big old house like The Golden Girls 😀

What was the different app you used?

@TakeMeToLondonTown I went on Bumble, you have to match first and then you have to send the first message so I think it possibly puts some of them off. I chatted to a few on there and there definitely seemed to be more potentially decent men on there.

I've tried Bumble and find it the same as the others.

@TakeMeToLondonTown I do believe OLD has had its day. In the past, it was quite niche and you met genuine people. Now, every tom/dick/Harry is on there and if you are an average looking man who can chat/has a decent job, you have your pick of anyone. You could be a super hot, successful woman, and still no luck.

I have friends who do/have done OLD and the only two successful ones met years ago. Another friend met in her 40s (childless so lots of free time) after going on 3 dates a week for 5 years. The 3 pretty normal men I know all met long term partners within weeks. My abusive ex also met his long term partner within weeks and even though he's changed now, he had women queuing up (he's attractive, had a job and can chat)

I can relate to @Blackcatnofat in the sense where I gave people a chance/reduced my standards, I got dumped/faded out. Its so hurtful because on some level, you'd hope they would appreciate you.

My advice is keep on the apps but try not to make it your all. Make an effort with yourself, make friends etc. It's really hard I know, I'm in my 40s, successful with children, lots of friends and people who love me. But no relationship. It's so disheartening but there's no easy way so I think I'm just going to look after myself and maybe find a FWB to reignite something in me.

OLD has become toxic due to the amount of lowlife preying on people's loneliness and vulnerability.
Which is why it's so important to become comfortable with being alone because then your not going to be so easily controlled or manipulated.
I've been on my own past 10 years, through choice because l know if l look to a man to make me happy I'm going to end up disappointed. That responsibility is on me.