Not sure OLD is the right platform for me

[TakeMeToLondonTown]

Hi,

Ended my 23 year marriage 3 years ago due to differences which were making it unbearable for me (age gap, lack of attraction, sexless marriage - my doing).

Joined OLD (various sites) over a year ago and had a few dates but just seemed to be getting messed around and most of them I wasn't keen on anyway.

My male cousin (also divorced) is the same
age as me (51) and he doesn't seem to have any problem at all getting women! He lives with someone he met on Bumble. We are both reasonably good looking for our age.

Is it harder for a 51 year old woman than a 51 year old man with OLD? My cousin, btw, looks
a bit like Jude Law which probably explains why he doesn't have any problems but I'm not so bad myself! Well, I didn't think so. I get likes but no-one seems to strike up my interest.

I sometimes feel I should say I'm 45.

Is OLD always so soul destroying? I'm
so lonely (no parents or siblings alive). Two kids but one at university and the other ignores
me a lot (always in her room).

Are there any secret ways to meet nice men of
my age group? 49-55 yrs? Am I looking in the wrong place?

Maybe lower your ages a bit? I’m similar age and get quite a few likes and chat. Been on dates with a few people. I shut down any sex talk. I dated someone for a few months I met online. Maybe take a break. Join some clubs then retry if needed?

@Pinko1
I definitely think I joined OLD a bit late. A couple of my old colleagues met their spouse on OLD and are really happy (both sets now have children). I think the whole thing is like being in the Argos catalogue and it's souls destroying. I find the apps that show you who has viewed your profile the worst. I get plenty of likes but plenty of views too! None of them take my fancy. It's so difficult when it's just a photo.

I don't fancy a FWB as I need to really feel something for someone, if that makes sense.

I've decided to venture into a different country pub each Friday evening and join a singles hiking group. See what happens!!

Maybe I should widen my age range a bit (more younger). My husband was almost 11 years older than me and I just found the gap widened as we got older and there was no physical attraction for me. Hence, I can honestly say...it's almost 16 years since we last had any sex. Yes, I have been with others since the split (which opened my eyes). My marriage lacked passion. He made me feel older than I was. Subconsciously, I think it affected me more than I thought. And, snap!

I think a healthy relationship is about more than sex and intimacy, it's about connection and enjoying each other's companionship. I want all
of that. Maybe I'm a romantic and have watched too many Richard Gere movies over the years!!

I was very sexually inexperienced when I met my husband. I was 19 and he was 30. I hadn't really had a really boyfriend before. My own daughter is almost 16 and my son is almost 20. I know realise just how young I was!!

He was also really poor in the bedroom/affection department. That didn't help either!!

In the real world I really don’t see all these much older men with young women, and I know a lot of people.
I think women who are divorced with dcs are (and rightly so) more choosey. They do not have to tolerate things they did when they had children to consider.
I know many people who have met in line and are very happy. All with partners a similar age.
When I was single and on line I set my age perimeter quite low. I dated men my own age or slightly younger.
I have to agree that the majority of men in their 50s have let themselves go. Maybe they didn’t feel the need to try as they were in a relationship and thought their wife would do all the hard work.
Anyhow, on line dating is like anything else, you have to sort through all the dross.
It won’t be like it was when you were young. People don’t socialise now like they used to. People wfh. Shop on line. Drink at friend’s houses. Entertain themselves at home. You do have to go on line to meet someone. Set your boundaries high and set aside time to sift through the dross.

@TakeMeToLondonTown I think you're doing the right thing by getting out and about. I should add that those I know who met men dated younger people so perhaps age is a factor too.

I also don't want to have a fwb but I'm conscious I've never had a fulfilling sexual relationship and I'm also getting older. Its been almost 2 years since I had sex. FWB feels like the only way to go.

I know what you mean. There are websites for finding FWB too!