Not 'bad enough' to leave

[Idontknow010101]

I'm in a relationship of convenience I guess, for want of a better way of putting it. Been together 13 years. He has great qualities - in terms of the house he does equal amounts, he has a positive relationship with my child and is a decent stepfather, he has looked after us practically and financially over the years and continues to do so. We get on well, can laugh together and like each others company, even if we do take each other for granted. But I cant help feeling something is really missing for me. The emotional connection. the care and empathy when I'm low or anxious (which happens from time to time) I couldnt feel more alone. He seems mainly oblivious about it, and when I let him know and tell him how I'm feeling, he can say some comforting things (which I've guided him about over the years) but again seems oblivious and disinterested. It makes me feel like we are quite mismatched and I wonder sometimes about a more emotionally fulfilling and secure relationship.

Has anyone else felt this? I feel like it must be quite common, just based on how men and women are socialised.

I was putting my head in the lion's mouth here. My essential point. Forget my apparently appalling attempt to explain, the essential point remains. Anyone of you can quickly obliterate your average man in what is broadly a feminine strength. it's woman equiv. of your fella taking a swing at you.

If you're asking men to reach the same standard in this area, you can still wish, but broadly with the odd exceptions you won't see it. This leaves you with three choices, either continue to demand we rise to your level, accept that broadly we can't - live with it, or dump us.

Minded most threads on this forum are about dumping, you have your answer. If you've got your 'average man' and you want us to do this as well as you, you going to have to continue to be rid of us.

I'm not sure where this leads, you can continue to beat us up? As for the next generation of men, I don't know. Some of them will be your sons.

Today, there's little opportunity for men to display chivalry. I don't think there's a word for chivalry in woman. Where you have strength, I'd like to think this is the area women should invent one.

I worked for a small solicitors in a naice part of London. Every so often mostly women would enquire about divorces and most didn’t return. A female business client of ours once asked for info about divorces.

I think if you’re thinking of the above, why are you bothering to see a solicitor about it? Most of the women I think liked their safe financial lifestyles and couldn’t see themselves in a small flat with 2 kids and with 50/50 contact.

They won't be our sons we have brought them up to be decent men and they will be wonderful partners. We don't need men. We don't need to settle. Get over it.

And just because someone enquires about a divorce and doesn't come back doesn't mean they prefer their life style. IME we went elsewhere for better service..

Chivalry?? Sweet Jesus, it gets worse.

And women beating men up… what? You mean metaphorically? Either way that’s a really bad turn of phrase and makes you sound like an Incel.

Of course I mean metaphorically.

Shoot the messenger. Whereas women will lie to each other, tell others they look gorgeous, and encourage them to rid themselves of men - his remains a genuine effort to answer the OP.

The short answer to the OP is that men want to be alone, but not by ourselves.

Consider the wider point. If a man was to require what’s being asked here, it’d be seen as an ‘ick’, unreasonable, not masculine and the route to a dumping. Thus this need is seen as his fault; women won’t see their part in this bargain as 'peace', thus we see turmoil.

Women will choose the worst men, and they know they do this. The OP appears to have a decent man, unfortunately a decent man is not what she’s attracted to. This man was not, and never will be her first choice. Likely he should be, this will never be.

Not for one second will woman look inward to see this, instead they’ll continue the fetishisation of not being able to find someone good enough. This because whilst men are physically the more promiscuous; women are mentally more promiscuous.

I would put big money on this bloke being shown the door, and the OP rationalising this as ‘his’ fault.

Basically a never ending narcissistic fantasy that results in people dying alone in nursing homes.