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Original poster

How Often Do You Have A Date Night?

40 replies

ChocolateCakeLuver · 30/12/2023 16:07

Being married 10+ years we don’t have date nights. I’m wondering do couples out there married for around the same amount of years have date nights?

My Dh seems to think we don’t need them!

OP posts:
AhBiscuits · 30/12/2023 16:09

Married 8 years. 2 small children. We probably manage about 3 a year.

DazedAndConfusedHere · 30/12/2023 16:12

Married 4 years. We never have them.

I’ve addressed it with my husband as I think they are important, he is happy to stay home and watch tv. We usually do a few over the course of a few weeks once I’ve brought it up, but end up back in the same routine of pretty much never.

Original poster
ChocolateCakeLuver · 30/12/2023 16:25

DazedAndConfusedHere · 30/12/2023 16:12

Married 4 years. We never have them.

I’ve addressed it with my husband as I think they are important, he is happy to stay home and watch tv. We usually do a few over the course of a few weeks once I’ve brought it up, but end up back in the same routine of pretty much never.

That’s what seems to happen here too. How do you feel about it?

makes me feel quiet sad so wondering if it’s just me or other women do feel like this & im not being OTT as DH says.

OP posts:
Muchof · 30/12/2023 16:30

We do not have date nights. Together just short of twenty years.

WhatFlavourIsIt · 30/12/2023 16:35

What would you count as 'date night'?. We go to the pub together a couple of evenings a week, lunch or breakfast out maybe once a month. It's not a specifically planned thing & I wouldn't consider it a date as such.

DazedAndConfusedHere · 30/12/2023 16:39

@ChocolateCakeLuver I hate it. I often sit and wonder what other couples might be up to. It makes me feel like what I want just isn’t that important to him.

His default response is “feel free to go and find the perfect man then” whenever I push it. Whilst of course Mr Perfect doesn’t exist, I might just take him up on his offer!

HarrietStyles · 30/12/2023 17:14

Together 23 years, we go on a “date night” about once a month or once every other month - where we have a babysitter and go out for dinner/drinks/cinema/activity etc. For me it’s very important.

Tinkleberryz · 30/12/2023 17:15

@DazedAndConfusedHere that is such a cop out what he says to you!!

safetyfreak · 30/12/2023 17:17

Never, no babysitter for our two year old.

Raverquaver · 30/12/2023 17:22

Married 7 years. 3 DC under 4. Maybe 3 date nights a year to coincide with when family are staying and can babysit. Now we prefer to try to get the kids to bed on time at the weekend and have a nice meal and drinks at home.

Yorkshiredolls · 30/12/2023 17:28

Together 15 years, kids 4 &7. We probably go out once every 3 months or so, Usually for drinks and a meal, sometimes a gig. Occasionally take same day off in the week and go for lunch and spend the afternoon in bed. Sometimes kids sleep at Grandparents, sometimes we pay a babysitter. We feel its very important to us and we actively plan for them. We were together a long time before kids and went out a lot then so It was something thats always been important to us and we didn’t want to lose after kids as it keeps us close and happy. We are more then just parents

Therollinghills · 30/12/2023 17:36

This was part of the reason I split from my ex. Once we had a child we stopped doing anything together without her, other than sitting watching tv. He genuinely didn't see the need or point to time just us, I remember my mum coming to stay and offering to babysit whilst we went out for a meal and he was so unenthusiastic about it, it was depressing. It ended up in the relationship between us just evaporating into nothing and I wasn't happy to live potentially the rest of my life like that.

ghostbusters · 30/12/2023 19:03

Been together more than 20 years, we have 2 kids late primary age. We go out about 3 times a year usually to coincide with our birthdays and wedding anniversary, or if we are staying with family who can babysit. I have to push DH to sort something out, he's happy staying in with the kids but he knows it's important to me. Saying that we've not been out since late summer, we've missed one of our outings this year.

Original poster
ChocolateCakeLuver · 30/12/2023 20:35

DazedAndConfusedHere · 30/12/2023 16:39

@ChocolateCakeLuver I hate it. I often sit and wonder what other couples might be up to. It makes me feel like what I want just isn’t that important to him.

His default response is “feel free to go and find the perfect man then” whenever I push it. Whilst of course Mr Perfect doesn’t exist, I might just take him up on his offer!

Oh wow my DH says the exact same thing! He’ll say stuff like ‘if your not happy with me then you can leave’ ‘ if your not happy with me, go find a man that will make you happy’

these species are absolutely pathetic 😑

OP posts:
DinosaurPotato · 30/12/2023 20:38

What actually is a date night though? Does a drink at the pub count or does it have to be a dinner-type thing? We generally prefer to have days put anyway.

Glassflour · 30/12/2023 20:45

Once a month at least

Janedoelondon · 30/12/2023 20:47

We have one night a week where we put our little one to bed and then eat afterwards together (rather than with a 16 month old chucking food everywhere!). Nice to have just adult company. We call it a date night but not sure it officially is really, more an adult night!! Married 8 years.

OpalOrchid · 30/12/2023 20:59

We go out for breakfast or lunch sometimes. We eat at the local pub every couple of weeks but I wouldn't call them date nights. Been together well over 20 years.

FurballFrenzy · 30/12/2023 21:09

Together 8 years, we go out together about once a week. Varies; pub, dinner, cinema, afternoon cycling or walk.

No kids, which I’m sure makes a big difference.

Original poster
ChocolateCakeLuver · 30/12/2023 22:46

Generally a lot of people so have a ‘date night’ be it at home, at the pub, out shopping, having a home cooked/takeaway. It’s about having 1-2-1 time together alone without the kids.

We don’t have that and I’m told it’s immature & we’re not in honeymoon period.

All I want is some adult conversation with my husband & without the kids (whom I’m with 24/7)

OP posts:
tinker2190 · 30/12/2023 22:56

We have a date night once a week. We call it date night as we plan, kids go to bed at 7 and we have our evening just us two no outside interruptions except occasionally children. If we are cooking we both have to cook together. Rather than normal life of one of us cooking one entertaining the kids.

We have young children so physically leaving the house isn't an option. But with busy life kids/work/family we like to be husband and wife where we talk about anything and everything. We also both have to agree on the activity if we do one.

MistletoeandJd · 30/12/2023 22:59

In the house weekly out the house monthly together 5 years

MistletoeandJd · 30/12/2023 23:58

It's actually the opposite of immature tbf. Life gets mental busy and before you know it it's been 6 months since you actually spent some time 1 on 1 ? How can you feel connected to someone if you don't set time apart. Or even properly checking in on each other / future goals ect. There is alot of difference between being physically present I.e sitting on oppo ends of the sofa scrolling phones or TV and actually having date night presence. I.e we are going to do this together even the planning of it can give you little jittery feelings like at first

FurballFrenzy · 31/12/2023 15:50

ChocolateCakeLuver · 30/12/2023 22:46

Generally a lot of people so have a ‘date night’ be it at home, at the pub, out shopping, having a home cooked/takeaway. It’s about having 1-2-1 time together alone without the kids.

We don’t have that and I’m told it’s immature & we’re not in honeymoon period.

All I want is some adult conversation with my husband & without the kids (whom I’m with 24/7)

I just read that as he doesn’t think he needs to put the effort in now he’s “got” you. Or the relationships he has seen modelled haven’t shown two people making time for each other.

Flyhigher · 01/01/2024 09:39

We used to every week. Now we don't. I would insist. It's good to go out every week.

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