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Original poster

The worst year emotionally

35 replies

AlwaysWearSPF · 30/12/2023 11:42

I want to go away in January, I have a four month old baby boy and it will be just me and him.

I've had quite a year which all began in June. We received some news that our baby who was unborn at the time was measuring small the femur was on the 5th centile and was a marker that they use. Abnormalities and Down syndrome was discussed to me and my husband. We left both very confused and frightened for our unborn child's health. That evening we had an argument and I left to stay with my friend for the evening.

I ended up staying for 3 days at my friends and on the third day I learnt that my husband had left the country, he went to Thailand without even letting me know. I was 30 weeks pregnant at the time, he took our wedding money which friends and family members contributed towards. Slept with a sex worker, spent all our money then came home.

Then on Boxing Day my husband decided to bite my face during an episode of exchanged words. We were both saying horrible things nothing nasty just stupid stuff like "Leave me alone I'm honestly tired of your constant mood changes." Then he went on to say something like I'm tired of you...then I said well you know what to do. Then he just jumped on me, (I was in bed) held my face and bit my cheek.

We haven't spoken since then, he left the home I have no idea where he is and quite frankly I don't care.

What I do care about is my mental state and caring for a new born. I want to go away with my little boy for a week, I've just never traveled anywhere alone with a baby. I'm looking at holidays and some are in Turkey and Morocco. I'm a little worried to be seen as a woman on her own with a baby. Ideally I'd like somewhere hot a nice family run place where me and my son can enjoy some time, go swimming and just get away from everything for a bit.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 30/12/2023 11:45

I’d look at the Canaries, not the two places you have mentioned.
Are your parents around?

Original poster
AlwaysWearSPF · 30/12/2023 11:47

No both parents are not around. I have a very close friend who is my confidant and she is very supportive.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlwaysWearSPF · 30/12/2023 12:32

Any other suggestions?

OP posts:
Longlive · 30/12/2023 12:40

Can you get a passport in time for your newborn?

Original poster
AlwaysWearSPF · 30/12/2023 12:45

He has a passport so we are set to go!

OP posts:
OhMyChickenDinner · 30/12/2023 12:48

Agree with previous poster about Canaries, Turkey and Morocco are great but I wouldn’t go on my own with a baby. So sorry for your awful year.

Channellingsophistication · 30/12/2023 12:52

I’m sorry you’ve had such a terrible time that’s truly awful.

I can understand you wanting to get away, but I would avoid the two places you mentioned with such a young baby. As a PP said Canaries sounds like a good idea.

Bbq1 · 30/12/2023 12:57

Spain or Greece. You'll be fine there with a baby. I rarely say this, but assume your relationship with that vile nan. is over? He doesn't deserve you or your child.

Bbq1 · 30/12/2023 12:57

Vile man

pikkumyy77 · 30/12/2023 13:03

More important than this trip is whether you are safe right niw and can count on staying safe?

Also why not look first for the kind of hotel or pension that you would like—family run, comfortable, close to sights/water, family friendly, etc… check the reviews, then pick the place.

Crazycrazylady · 30/12/2023 13:13

Op. I know you're just thinking holidays so I would also look at what needs to happen with your partner. I would seriously consider a non molestation order

Original poster
AlwaysWearSPF · 30/12/2023 13:39

I don't want to involve the police it will open up more stress having social services involved. He's not going to come back to the house he left the keys and I changed the locks. He's probably somewhere licking his wounds, he takes no accountability for his actions even when he came back from Thailand he managed to turn that on me as if it was my fault because I pushed him. I was heavily pregnant and very vulnerable at the time. This time it's different I'm not stupid I know if I take him back he'll see it as an opportunity to blame me and he'll only do it again.

To give this context and by no means am I making excuses for him I'm just connecting the dots. He lost his brother 13 years ago to Cancer, he was just 26. This spiked depression and my husband spiralled out of control and started drinking. After a year he was disfellowshipped (JW) and has not returned to his religion. Being disfellowshipped meant his family and friends stopped talking to him apart from his sisters which is also a strained relationship. He got himself together stopped drinking 10 years drink free, I don't think he has ever really had the support needed for his emotions regarding being disfellowshipped as it's not widely known the effects of being isolated within that community.

On top of that he's father was abusive to his mother growing up and he has always spoke about how he never wants to end up like him. Unfortunately he has and I'm not going to let my son be raised in an environment with a man that has anger issues. That's type of behaviour will only get past down to my son and I refuse to be responsible for allowing that to happen.

The holiday is more for us both to make memories and for me to get some time to think about my next step and how the future will look for us both.

The Canary Islands are a good suggestion and it won't be too hot or busy for little one.

OP posts:
Daisyrobin123 · 30/12/2023 13:43

@AlwaysWearSPF Agree with the canaries. You'll be fine in Tenerife, lots of tourists and expats.
I've done alot of travelling (all over Asia and some off the beaten path countries) and I wouldn't feel safe on my own with my child in Morocco or Turkey.

pikkumyy77 · 30/12/2023 13:51

Every patient I have had who came out of the JW community has been severely damaged and vulnerable/fragile. The combination of intense religiosity, self chosen isolation from outsiders, the dominant role of fellowship, and a high tolerance for abuse by senior members creates a whirlpool that affects the children massively. That does not mean you shouldn’t document his abuse of you. If you are married to him he can try to come back into your life.

Original poster
AlwaysWearSPF · 30/12/2023 15:08

pikkumyy77 · 30/12/2023 13:51

Every patient I have had who came out of the JW community has been severely damaged and vulnerable/fragile. The combination of intense religiosity, self chosen isolation from outsiders, the dominant role of fellowship, and a high tolerance for abuse by senior members creates a whirlpool that affects the children massively. That does not mean you shouldn’t document his abuse of you. If you are married to him he can try to come back into your life.

I've tried to find him a therapist who specialises in disfellowshipped therapy and there was not much out there except for one therapist. I may have been looking in the wrong places.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlwaysWearSPF · 30/12/2023 15:10

Canary Islands in January are in the £1000's Malta is reasonable at £600 all inclusive. Never been to Malta would you say that it's a safe place to take a young baby?

OP posts:
Redannie118 · 30/12/2023 15:28

When my kids were little wè used to go to Fuertaventura in the Canaries every January. Its a lovely, peacefull, family place, saw lots of babies and very young children. Temp was perfect, like a nice British hot summer day, so not too hot. Lovely yellow sandy beaches in shallow bays, perfect for swimming. Very family oriented hotels ect.

Lovecatsanddogs · 30/12/2023 15:29

Would not recommend Malta in winter the beach resorts are away from
everywhere and it will be cold.

Lovecatsanddogs · 30/12/2023 15:37

Have a look at Jet2 holidays all
inclusive for Canary Islands.

user1469779776 · 30/12/2023 15:48

I travelled a lot as a single mum from when my son was 6 months old. Wouldn't recommend Malta or Greece this time of year if you want sun. Costa del Sol having good weather at the moment, but if not worried about travelling a bit further, would definitely recommend one of the Canary Islands. If looking for somewhere not far from the airport I would recommend Matagorda in Lanzarote or Costa Adeje in Tenerife.

RedRock41 · 30/12/2023 15:49

Does it need to be abroad? Sub-consciously are you trying to do what he did in the summer? Leave without telling him etc? Show him how it feels? With all you’ve been through and such a young baby if it’s a break and rest you need why not get a hotel or B&B somewhere closer to home to make it easier for you and then do abroad when you aren’t so through other.

Manchestermummax3 · 30/12/2023 16:12

Assuming he's on the birth certificate you need his permission to leave the country, unless otherwise authorised by a court. If he finds out, he can/could stop you going.

Idneverlietoyou · 30/12/2023 16:21

Manchestermummax3 · 30/12/2023 16:12

Assuming he's on the birth certificate you need his permission to leave the country, unless otherwise authorised by a court. If he finds out, he can/could stop you going.

Technically this is true but you should be fine if you take a birth certificate just in case and tell them the other parent is awol

Blueeyedmale · 30/12/2023 16:24

God OP what a year for you no recommendations but hope you both have the time of your lives enjoy it.

Latewinter · 30/12/2023 16:29

Somewhere in Italy? It's such a great place to travel with kids very pro-child culture and people were very kind to our 2 year old.

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