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Original poster

Husband lost temper with three year old

39 replies

Jules446 · 28/12/2023 13:58

Husband was building three year old’s bike. Three year old was trying to get on said bike and not giving DH much space. DH lost his patience and lifted son up on quite a forceful manner, shouted that his behaviour was unacceptable and set him on the back step. Three year was very upset. I went outside to comfort three year old, brought him inside for a cuddle and reassured him that Daddy had lost his patience etc. but I am really not happy.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 28/12/2023 13:59

Why didn't you distract the child in the first place, so your DH could get the bike built?

ThequalityoftheReps · 28/12/2023 14:00

What matters now, is his response to what happened. Does he have remorse and apologised to the child off his own back, genuinely?

If so then while it's not great - he's human and we all lose our temper from time to time.

If he blames child and is angry with you for stepping in... time to think about it more.

ThequalityoftheReps · 28/12/2023 14:00

Nanny0gg · 28/12/2023 13:59

Why didn't you distract the child in the first place, so your DH could get the bike built?

This too. I would have removed child who could wait.

Original poster
Jules446 · 28/12/2023 14:04

Yes, I should have intervened sooner but thought everything was okay. Losing temper is one thing but three year old was frightened.

OP posts:
ThequalityoftheReps · 28/12/2023 14:05

Exactly it's not ok, but how he responds to it is the key re how much to be worried about it imo (he being your partner )

YourNameGoesHere · 28/12/2023 14:07

It's not great but it's hardly the worst crime ever, I mean most parents lose their tempers occasionally. If I were him I'd be more annoyed at the fact he was being constantly pestered whilst trying to put it together whilst you sat by and passively watched him getting more frustrated without helping distract the child.

ThequalityoftheReps · 28/12/2023 14:07

You can't change it now.
Id be most worried if someone was hitting child and not stopping when asked, blaming me and child. Saying he's entitled to hit.

That's very different to someone who is willing to admit his mistake, apologise and do it differently next time.

I'm not condoning it at all

craigth162 · 28/12/2023 14:09

Maybe teach 3 year old to do what theyre told.

starynightskys · 28/12/2023 14:30

Nanny0gg · 28/12/2023 13:59

Why didn't you distract the child in the first place, so your DH could get the bike built?

My first thought as well.

Seaweed42 · 28/12/2023 14:32

But why did DH not say 'Jules can you come and take DS out of here please I'm trying to build the bike'

Of course a 3yr old will want to sit on it straightaway.

starynightskys · 28/12/2023 14:33

Jules446 · 28/12/2023 14:04

Yes, I should have intervened sooner but thought everything was okay. Losing temper is one thing but three year old was frightened.

Maybe your 3 year old will now start to see that sometimes you have to wait for things.
Way to much gentle parenting.

DidiAskYouThough · 28/12/2023 14:34

Did you have a question, OP? Or just venting?

Darkenergy · 28/12/2023 14:36

Well it's not ideal but outside of mumsnet I've never encountered a parent who hasn't lost their temper at some point.

I know this is controversial round these parts but I actually don't think it's a bad thing for children to learn that if they push someone far enough, tempers can be lost, and that most people have their limits. It's when it's regular or unpredictable that it's a problem. Presumably that's not the case with your husband.

mumsytoon · 28/12/2023 14:37

He didn't do anything wrong. Are you a perfect parent. I can assure you at some point you will lose your temper. Your title made it sound like he whacked the crap out of your child.

Santasbestelf · 28/12/2023 14:38

your DH needs to go to your son to apologise for loosing his temper, it’s never ok to loose his temper like that and he needs to promise never to do it again.

If it’s a one off in the many years you’ve been with him, I would forgive him for now but I will be watching his interactions with DS a bit more closely in the near future to decide what you wanna do in the future

pinkyredrose · 28/12/2023 14:39

Failing to see the problem.

Torganer · 28/12/2023 14:39

What would you have done differently?

Toddlers are frustrating and I would have been really annoyed with my husband just watching me put a bike together and not getting the child out the way. I’m not condoning losing control, but sometimes you need to be firm for their safety. I imagine there were various tools involved when building the bike.

I forcibly grabbed my toddler when I repeatedly told them not to run near the road. They ignored me and I had to grab them for safety.

comfyoldcardi · 28/12/2023 14:43

Why was he trying to build the bike with a 3 year old in the room? Either do it when 3 year old is in bed, or other parent takes child away.
That situation was totally avoidable. Of course a 3 year old is excited to get on the bike.

basktlaundt · 28/12/2023 14:45

mumsytoon · 28/12/2023 14:37

He didn't do anything wrong. Are you a perfect parent. I can assure you at some point you will lose your temper. Your title made it sound like he whacked the crap out of your child.

I agree. Calm down. I don't know anyone who's never shouted at their kid. Sometimes you have to do it !!

amylou8 · 28/12/2023 14:47

He removed a misbehaving 3 year old and told him off. Now you're pandering to him. Good luck with that one when he's 15.

StragglyTinsel · 28/12/2023 14:47

You just absolutely undermined your husband there, you realise?

Your 3 year old was misbehaving. His father got annoyed so he picked him up and put him on the step.

None of it is ideal. But he can be just as annoyed at you (for not helping while he was trying to build the bike and then for undermining him) as you can for him getting annoyed.

arewedoneyet · 28/12/2023 14:47

I don't think your husband did anything wrong

JenniferJupiterVenusandMars · 28/12/2023 14:49

What’s the problem? Are you expecting a LTB?

Itslegitimatesalvage · 28/12/2023 14:49

Your poor husband. Jesus. He didn’t do anything wrong. Where were you? Why didn’t you entertain the kid while he was building the thing?

He told his kid that his behaviour was unacceptable and moved him. That’s good. Kids need to be told, and from an early age. Your 3 year old needs to learn and listen to the word “no.” I hope you’re going to let this go because you’re wrong.

Itslegitimatesalvage · 28/12/2023 14:51

Santasbestelf · 28/12/2023 14:38

your DH needs to go to your son to apologise for loosing his temper, it’s never ok to loose his temper like that and he needs to promise never to do it again.

If it’s a one off in the many years you’ve been with him, I would forgive him for now but I will be watching his interactions with DS a bit more closely in the near future to decide what you wanna do in the future

Loose his temper? How can you loose your temper? It’s not a shoelace.

And he didn’t exactly lose his temper, did he? He told a misbehaving child that their behaviour was unacceptable and he moved them from a dangerous situation with tools which could hurt him.

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