Drunken row, now getting the silent treatment

[TTC89Njna]

Two days ago, DP and I had too much to drink. Neither of us is a big drinker. We've both been stressed and having a hard time, this Christmas was always going to be hard. While drunk, DP kept badgering me with questions and topics I didn't want to talk about anymore. I tried to shut it down. I said I wanted to watch a film and relax but he kept going. And I snapped. I brought up all the things I've ever been mildly annoyed about in the last 5 years and made them out to be horrible. I was horrible, truly awful. I shouted and said things I didn't mean. I apologised the next day, I explained I overreacted to the badgering and I regretted what I had said etc. Took responsibility, I should have known better than having a drink when I was so anxious already and apologised profusely.

He accepted my apology but now won't speak to me. He's backed out of booking a holiday (we were meant to buy the flights this week). He blames me entirely, and just can't bring himself to engage with me. He says there is nothing to talk about.

I have given him space but it's absolute torture. I wish he'd just break up with me now than live like this for even another hour.

Just looking for some advice. I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone in real life.

You're tip toeing around him and he is still blaming you for a drunken night where you both let off steam? This is not normal. Normal would be that you both realise things got out of hand, you both own up to it and move on. He isn't doing this. You should now realise this isn't normal and no, moving back to the UK won't change it.

Sounds like he is punishing you for a situation that he totally started. The badgering/bullying got too much and you finally told him all the things you had suppressed. Don't feel guilty, take action.

I don't know, I was horrible and totally blew my top off. He didn't deserve it, no one does. I guess what this thread is showing me is that sometimes apologies are not enough. I do seem to do a lot of grovelling in this relationship. I'm always the bad guy somehow or another. I haven't brought up issues before because when I very rarely do, he puts it back on me and says I blame him for "everything". So then I apologise.There's no way to argue safely with that so I don't. He's the kind of person that never complains about anything and seems to expect the same from me. He prides himself with always being positive. People love him for it.

I think I was very wrong to shout at him as I did. Truly terrible, I'm very embarrassed.

I wish we could both recognize it was a stupid drunken fight and move on but clearly I hurt him too much.

But now I sit here (in silence obviously) and think about our relationship, I think a time out is what I need too. I may be a terrible person but maybe this relationship is terrible too. I can't quite put it into words how devastating that is yet.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply, you've all given me a lot to think about. You've also kept me from doing a third round of grovelling today, I'll give him all the space he needs.

Issues come up in all relationships, as you said you’re not perfect but neither is he, and you need to be able to discuss them and reach a resolution. Sounds like with this man that will never happen and it’s no wonder you blew up after all these years of silence.

Great that you are letting him sulk uninterrupted, that’s exactly what they don’t want 😁 Live your best life and let him get on with his sulking on his own.

STOP APOLOGISING

Once should be enough twice if you really fucked up but grovelling? It's demeaning and a really nice partner wouldn't allow that to happen they would say "I need time and space" or "there is no need to act like this I just need to get my head around what happened" someone who allows it to continue is not nice and is making a meal out of it

Plus your probably starting to Badger him remain silent keep your dignity continue to act as normal (offer him drinks etc if that's what you usually do) but ignore the ignoring and don't pester him

@TTC89Njna you’ve said many times that you are a horrible person because you blew your top off.

Why is it that you are so convinced you are awful but somehow you minimise the way your DP is behaving (see the ‘mild annoyance issues’ that are actually HUGE relationship problems)?
By any chance, is he constantly telling you you are awful each time you are bringing an issue (and you end up apologising instead)?

Please don’t believe he us somehow ‘better than you’ because he never complains. He never complains because he is getting what he wants - you are working, looking after the house etc etc… And when things aren’t going in the right direction (like you trying to establish boundaries - or what he calls complaining), then he redirects everything onto you, blaming you instead.

Im getting more and more uncomfortable about your posts because the way you react look too much like the reaction of someone who has been emotionally abused and repeatedly dragged down. I sincerely hope this is not the case.