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Original poster

Could he be Cheating?

41 replies

ChocolateCakeLuver · 27/12/2023 14:35

I’ve always doubted my DH but I think it’s in my head etc.

More recently I do suspect it and I say it as a joke to him and he says stuff like it’s in your head. He works with quiet a younger girl & to me she seems very flirty.

recently they’ve had a Christmas do and DH went to it, which he normally hates going too. In general he doesn’t like going out much. His manager has arranged another get together next week and he’s up for going to this too, this other colleague is also going.

makes sure to shave, look more than presentable for work (which never used to happen before).

I don’t know wether he’s just changing for the better or he’s up to something. Am I just being stupid

OP posts:
Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 14:36

I’m sorry what actually makes you think he’s cheating, surely not just as he works with a younger woman and shaves?

2jacqi · 27/12/2023 14:38

@ChocolateCakeLuver what manager would arrange another get together after christmas night out??? very suss!! follow him. get someone to babysit so you can do this!

MadWifeInTheAttic · 27/12/2023 14:38

You sound as though you would be happier alone.

gwenneh · 27/12/2023 14:40

2jacqi · 27/12/2023 14:38

@ChocolateCakeLuver what manager would arrange another get together after christmas night out??? very suss!! follow him. get someone to babysit so you can do this!

I'm a manager and I did this. The work do is for the whole company, the second outing is for my team alone.

Original poster
ChocolateCakeLuver · 27/12/2023 14:40

MadWifeInTheAttic · 27/12/2023 14:38

You sound as though you would be happier alone.

He’s my 4th child so yes most definitely do feel I would be better alone rather having him to look after too! But yet he doesn’t know how to give me any attention!

OP posts:
Original poster
ChocolateCakeLuver · 27/12/2023 14:44

Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 14:36

I’m sorry what actually makes you think he’s cheating, surely not just as he works with a younger woman and shaves?

No it’s not that. But the fact he’s not giving me any attention lately, taking care of his appearance more when he’s going to work but not so much if we make a plan to go out. Like for Christmas he went to the in laws with his Pjs while we all made an effort to get ready and he couldn’t be asked! If I say let’s go out etc, it’s always a NO. Excuses always are (it’s too busy, it’s overcrowded, it’s too cold etc) but he’s more than happy to go for a second outing with his work lot (group of 3) and all the above don’t count.

OP posts:
Meme54 · 27/12/2023 14:53

Say I’d lie to come to your meet up think it’s good partners are there too

we always know …. All 3 of mine cheated on me I knew everytime

sadly men are driven by sex with multiples it’s reproduction biology

Confront him - or go to the meet up with a mate get a sitter and don’t tel him easy to see with your own eyes go like 2 hours after it starts x

Meme54 · 27/12/2023 14:55

@Gardeningtime women know
once men start doing things out of routine it’s obvious

ginasevern · 27/12/2023 15:08

He travelled to the in laws at Christmas wearing his pyjamas? Are you sure a young girl would be interested in him? He's probably fantasising over her. Maybe she's just tried to be friendly because it's a small team and his ridiculous male ego thinks she fancies him. Either way, I think he's up to something.

Original poster
ChocolateCakeLuver · 27/12/2023 15:12

Meme54 · 27/12/2023 14:55

@Gardeningtime women know
once men start doing things out of routine it’s obvious

That’s what I’m picking up on, which is why I’ve got in my head he may be cheating.

OP posts:
Sandia1 · 27/12/2023 15:15

If you found out that he was, how would you feel? I'm only saying this because it sounds like he doesn't impress you much most of the time. It's horrible to be cheated on, but in the long run it doesn't sound like he is a very good partner anyway x

TeaGinandFags · 27/12/2023 15:17

There's a book called the script about how men cheat. Read it. The title is because all men follow all the same steps like they do when they're abusing their partners.

Follow him if you want. Slip a tracker into the collar of his jacket and watch where he goes. Or trawl through his phone or socials. Just don't get caught.

Original poster
ChocolateCakeLuver · 27/12/2023 15:18

ginasevern · 27/12/2023 15:08

He travelled to the in laws at Christmas wearing his pyjamas? Are you sure a young girl would be interested in him? He's probably fantasising over her. Maybe she's just tried to be friendly because it's a small team and his ridiculous male ego thinks she fancies him. Either way, I think he's up to something.

Yes he wore his Pjs, not even a new set but the ones he wore the night before to bed. Told him to make an effort & he said I’m only going to sit there and eat so rather go with what I’m comfortable! Just makes ZERO effort when it’s us!

His Christmas dinner was about a 5minutes drive from home, just 3 of them. He didn’t get home until 5hours later. Does make me wonder 😳

I do think she could be into him as he’s a nice looking guy, nice build 43 but doesn’t look a day over 25.

OP posts:
MoleseyMom · 27/12/2023 15:19

Have you met the other girl? Have you noticed any other changes in him?

Meme54 · 27/12/2023 15:19

Mine didn’t last year destroyed me and my mental health as I was going through awful things
tbh you’ll never feel the same again and battle to stay

trust your gut Go to his do don’t tell him don’t secretly where he may not be able to spot you in a corner or ask a friend to go and take photos and videos

they will deny it a lot make out your nits and evidence is key

I know how you’re feeling when we love someone the betrayal is the worst xx

Original poster
ChocolateCakeLuver · 27/12/2023 15:21

MoleseyMom · 27/12/2023 15:19

Have you met the other girl? Have you noticed any other changes in him?

Yes she says Hi if I go to his workplace etc or go to pick him up.

changes: not wanting sex, mostly used to always cuddle and sleep and now he doesn’t bother, can’t be bothered to make a effort when I plan anything, not bothered about appearance around me

OP posts:
Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 27/12/2023 15:22

You know your husband and they says this is the classic signs (change in appearance ) She has caught his eye and he’s hoping to catch hers or he’s already up to something .!

WomanFromTheNorth · 27/12/2023 15:24

Trust your gut.

Original poster
ChocolateCakeLuver · 27/12/2023 15:24

TeaGinandFags · 27/12/2023 15:17

There's a book called the script about how men cheat. Read it. The title is because all men follow all the same steps like they do when they're abusing their partners.

Follow him if you want. Slip a tracker into the collar of his jacket and watch where he goes. Or trawl through his phone or socials. Just don't get caught.

He doesn’t do much social media, he’s on there but doesn’t post or anything. I will look into a tracker, but what goes on at work I can’t do anything about as it’s behind closed doors. She comes into work quiet dolled up & anyone would think she’s going to a modeling shoot the way she gets ready for work.

thank you I will read this book too.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChocolateCakeLuver · 27/12/2023 15:32

Meme54 · 27/12/2023 15:19

Mine didn’t last year destroyed me and my mental health as I was going through awful things
tbh you’ll never feel the same again and battle to stay

trust your gut Go to his do don’t tell him don’t secretly where he may not be able to spot you in a corner or ask a friend to go and take photos and videos

they will deny it a lot make out your nits and evidence is key

I know how you’re feeling when we love someone the betrayal is the worst xx

I’m sorry to hear you’ve gone through this. I don’t know why men (also some women) have the need to cheat & can’t just be honest and walk away.
my inbox is always open for a chat if you need a ear x

I haven’t got anyone around that I can tell to check for me, we’re surrounded by his family so can’t even ask them to babysit because he’ll find out. Where he said he’s going is quite a small enclosed bar & restaurant so it’s not even I can go and won’t get caught.

OP posts:
Meme54 · 27/12/2023 15:35

Thankyou xx

oh that’s a shame im
sure it’ll be okay it’s the worst gut instinct and feeling unsure

he is an idiot if he is maybe he’s just acting like a t&t I hope he’s faithful to you

sane to you inbox is open hun xxx

magicofthefae · 27/12/2023 15:42

Sounds awfully suspicious to me.

But without evidence, you won't know 100% for sure.

It's highly unlikely he will ever admit to it of his own accord.

Does he have the 'find my friend's' app on his phone? You can track him on that? Bank statements?

Trust your gut.

Even if you never get the 'evidence' you require to 100% know for sure. The ultimate question is....
Do you WANT to be with a man who makes ZERO effort with you?

Petrie99 · 27/12/2023 16:49

I'm baffled by some of these responses to be honest. It does sound like he's checked out of your relationship but there's nothing to suggest he's cheating. To those suggesting trackers - would this be OK to do to her if he was suspicious with zero evidence? Something like that is borderline abusive IMO. If you're worried about the lack of effort and him seemingly trying harder for work why don't you talk to him? The lack of effort for me would be seriously off putting and I'd definitely want to let him know how that feels

Fireandflames · 27/12/2023 17:10

This is what happened with my ex, he went on nights out and didn’t come home until the next day after work. I was suspicious and it turned out he was after all. They will lie, gas light and manipulate you in to believing they haven’t.

If he is, I’m so, so sorry.

category12 · 27/12/2023 18:12

ChocolateCakeLuver · 27/12/2023 15:24

He doesn’t do much social media, he’s on there but doesn’t post or anything. I will look into a tracker, but what goes on at work I can’t do anything about as it’s behind closed doors. She comes into work quiet dolled up & anyone would think she’s going to a modeling shoot the way she gets ready for work.

thank you I will read this book too.

Edited
Show quote history

Putting trackers on people without their consent is not ok and potentially illegal.

If you're at the point where you're considering that sort of thing, your relationship is FUBAR.