Uneasy about BF’s attitude

[Woowoo97]

My boyfriend’s ex has a habit of drunkenly texting him at times. Most of the time she’s incredibly hostile and he thinks she must be drunk when she sends those messages. He has blocked her everywhere. As far as I know he has always ignored the messages and blocked. Last night he got another few messages (new number). He got annoyed and said he’d reply once and for all which is about time.
However I did see his reply to her and it was horrific and cruel and I can’t help feeling uneasy about this. I understand that this is annoying but this is clearly someone who is unwell and maybe fragile. He was very cruel and I did not like it and it’s not like him at all. I told him and he says he doesn’t care what she does as long as she leaves him alone. I understand this of course but he really went out of his way to be as hurtful as possible.
Maybe I am being too sensitive but I feel bad because I know that many people struggle this time of the year and this is the last thing they need to hear.

If a woman came on here asking if she was unreasonable to be upset as her DP questioned why she wasn't kinder to a man harrassing her, the roof would be blown off the place.

This.

Yes, some men who stalk go on to kill women but that's a separate issue. This woman is not the victim just because she is female. This man is not in the wrong just because he is male.

Don't be too concerned OP. It's him who has been getting the constant harassment and has obviously reached the end of his tether and sent a nasty response in the hope it will stop her. If it continues he could try a "cease and desist" letter and report her to the police. If she has poor MH she may need help but the only person that can progress that is her

Literally no one is saying the woman's behaviour is OK.

Or, that he shouldn't be able to tell her to fuck right off.

What we're saying is that no matter how mad you get at some people, there are certain things it just wouldn't occur to us to say. Because we're not utterly fucked up cunts.

I'm not criticising anyone who loses the rag at creepy exs. Who says things they probably shouldn't have. Anyone is capable of that.

But it takes a very special type of arsehole to say what he did.

Ops own gut is screaming at her that it's.not.ok.

So can we stop with the 'Oh what if the role were reversed' because it's not really about who is in the right or wrong. It's about the fact that op senses something is not right in her partner, sonethibg us 'off', something is cruel...something is rotten.

And personally, I absolutely agree with her.

This! Sounds like it served her right. I’ve been the deranged harasser when I had untreated BPD. A list of home truths would have been absolutely deserved.

And if he was being deliberately cruel them that may explain the list of reasons why HE'D never be interested again. But adding that no one would ever love her and she'd die alone!?!? Nope. That's not someone trying to put an ex off them, that's someone who enjoys hurting people. And again, abuser standard.

The only response to stalking is to ignore. And block.

He did. She contacted him from different numbers that he hadn't known about so hadn't blocked.

And if he was being deliberately cruel them that may explain the list of reasons why HE'D never be interested again. But adding that no one would ever love her and she'd die alone!?!? Nope. That's not someone trying to put an ex off them, that's someone who enjoys hurting people. And again, abuser standard.

I disagree.

I'm not a violent person at all but if someone broke into my house in the middle of the night and had shown a complete and blatant disregard for me and my safety, well, if pushed, I can see how I might behave violently.

That doesn't make me a violent person.

I agree with posters who've said that, unless you've been on the receiving end of a campaign of hate and harassment, you don't know what your final triggering he or how you'd react.

Maybe if the OP behaved similarly to this woman then, yes, she'd also see it in the future. Equally, this might just a person who had been pushed to the end of their tether and was just saying whatever they thought necessary to make it stop.

You can’t see why he might want to and even enjoy hurting someone who’s repeatedly harassed him and by the sounds of it said things of the same standard?

Not particularly no. I don't fight with crazy people I just get the hell away from them.

Telling them to fuck off, sure. That I don't care, that they need to leave me alone or I'll report them for harassment, absolutely.

If it was mid fight with someone I'd just split with that might explain some of it. But this...nah...block the new number and move on.

Being angry is fine. Spelling out why she will never be right for him...not the route I would take but, fair enough,understandable due to frustration.

But 'No one loves you and you'll you'll alone'. Nope. Also, not something someone worried being 'stalked' would say btw. Because it's the sort of thing that provokes rage.

And there's no excuse to 'enjoy' hurting anyone as a grown adult. Even if we feel they might 'deserve' it.

Omg, the op says he has blocked her on everything!

Oh give it a rest will you. Making excuses for the person who’s been harassed because he finally matched the harassers energy? Madness.

It’s quite clear that she wasn’t getting the message each time he ignored her. She’s now found a new way to contact her. So what that he finally gave her a piece of his mind and said that no one will ever love her. Should he tell her to ‘fuck off’ and hope for the best just because Pinkbonbon said so? Nothing about him screams abuser.

If the OP wants to leave the relationship based on this situation alone then she can go ahead. Seems like he was just meant to put him with these messages until the end of time