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Original poster

Xmas invite!

66 replies

Charlene46 · 22/12/2023 13:19

My sister in law invites us to her house for Xmas dinner either on Xmas eve or the evening of the 25th. However I’ve found out I’m pregnant and I get extremely sick / nauseous and weak in the evenings and so I’ve asked my husband if we could cancel. He’s told me that he has every intention of going with our 3 children and I can stay at home!!!

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 22/12/2023 14:34

return2sender · 22/12/2023 14:25

Why should they not spend it with their aunt? And cousins, I assume?

I'm not a huge fan of Christmas and don't particularly enjoy going round to my family's house, loads of kids running and shouting, but I get in the spirit and always come away thinking it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I would never dream of not going.

Cheer up. You are pregnant, you don't have a terminal illness. Enjoy people looking after you.

Is this a reverse?

Show quote history

How is "were going with pr without you, suit yourself" looking after her?

BalletBob · 22/12/2023 14:35

OP, I can see both sides and I'm sure there's a compromise to be had somewhere. I can understand that your husband doesn't want to let his sister down when she's catered for everyone and that he and the kids would like to see their extended family too at Christmas. Likewise, I understand you want to be with your kids. But think about it from their perspective. I know my kids would much prefer to spend the evening with their extended family because that's such a big part of the excitement of Christmas for them. Far more so than continuing to hang around the house, which I imagine they'll already have been doing all day? What would your kids prefer?

What time is DH going to his sister's? If he's taking the kids at 4pm then you've got a right to be hacked off. But if they're spending all day with you and then leaving at 6:30pm, I honestly think that's fair enough. Could you maybe join them for an hour or so? Or have a nap earlier in the afternoon to try and beat the fatigue and just go with them?

Userengage · 22/12/2023 14:36

I hear what you’re saying OP but if you are that weak and ill in the evenings, you’re not going to be much fun and you will be wanting to doze so the sofa anyway so let your DH and DC go and have some fun whilst you rest.

Marwoodsbigbreak · 22/12/2023 14:37

YABU, definitely!

You have decided some time in advance that you won't feel well on that particular evening...

You will spend all day Christmas Day with your DH and DC, you can just rest up in the evening whilst they have a nice time with their aunt.

JustAMinutePleass · 22/12/2023 14:39

You decided a week ago that you won’t be well enough on Xmas day. Fair enough. But you’re being very selfish ruining your family’s xmas plans by making them all stay at home with you. Appreciate it’s difficult during early pregnancy but this is your 4th child - you can handle an evening by yourself.

iamwhatiam23 · 22/12/2023 14:40

MILTOBE · 22/12/2023 14:27

These responses are unbelievably cruel!

The OP is pregnant and wants a quiet Christmas at home with her family. You are all saying she's unreasonable and should stay in on her own. How is that fair on her?

And op is also being very selfish! If she feels that bad then surely relaxing in the peace and quiet is perfect for her?

trulyunruly01 · 22/12/2023 14:46

But you will still be with your children for the important bits! Putting them to bed with a Xmas story on Xmas Eve, and being there in the morning for the chaos after Santa's visit.
The children don't need to see you lying on the sofa looking pale and wan and jumping up every so often to go and heave over the toilet.

I think you should take a deep breath and wave them off with a smile.

Nicole1111 · 22/12/2023 14:50

Is your husband always a bellend or is this new behaviour?

momonpurpose · 22/12/2023 15:09

tescocreditcard · 22/12/2023 13:40

Let them go and you can have a rest.

Like someone else said, she'll have spent a lot of money by now so it's a bit late to cancel really.

This. I'd have no problem with it. No offense but your morning sickness shouldn't stop DH and your DC from celebrating with their family

Goldbar · 22/12/2023 15:11

YABU, I'm afraid. The most important thing for most parents would be making it fun for their DC. Your DC are more likely to have fun at their aunts especially if there are cousins, than at home with an unwell parent that they have to tiptoe around. And if you do go, could you ask if there is a bedroom you can lie down in?

I actually find your position quite difficult to get my head around. You're unwell and you can potentially pack your kids off to someone else's house to have fun and enjoy Christmas. If they stay home, what's your plan to make it special for them? Normally unwell parents just have to carry on regardless and fake the magic, but here's a chance to take some of the pressure off.

Whataretheodds · 22/12/2023 15:13

How old are your children and how far away is your SIL?
Surely she's decided by now whether you're invited for 24th or 25th evening?

JamieKnows · 22/12/2023 15:15

"Is your husband always a bellend or is this new behaviour?"

🙄 the op wants her kids, husband and extended family to miss out while she slopes off to bed feeling sick and weak for no other reason than "because I want to".

Fuck that.

Humanswarm · 22/12/2023 15:17

Just ask for it to be held on Xmas Eve, let them all go and have fun whilst you prep for your special day/put your feet up. Simple.

MrsMiagi · 22/12/2023 15:22

I had horrific pregnancy sickness last December so I understand how that feels. However I wouldn't expect everyone else to change plans for me. I often stayed home and I think that was fair. Several peoples plans changing to watch you be nauseous and dizzy in the evening isn't fair

Original poster

Charlene46 · 22/12/2023 15:26

I have asked to do it at lunch time, I even offered to host as day time I’m ok.I suggested xmas eve if he wanted to go with the boys I have tried compromising but I’ve been told it’s this way and I can like it or lump it! I work full time will only have the 25th and 26th off husband has 5 days off he could if he’d wanted organised a dinner with his sister at another point during Xmas week. It’s not too much to ask that I’m with my own children on xmas day!

OP posts:

Holly60 · 22/12/2023 15:29

I think if you are too ill to go you are probably too ill to be much fun.

In all honesty OP it seems like you are just thinking of how you feel. Put yourself in your DH's shoes.

I'd be really peeved with my DH if he tried to tell me I couldn't take kids to see family because HE was ill. I'd expect him to rest up and relax whilst I took them for all the normal fun.

Goldbar · 22/12/2023 15:35

What will your kids enjoy the most? You say you don't think it's too much to ask that you're "with them" on Christmas day, but depending on their ages are they going to require entertaining from you both? Or are you expecting them to hang about quietly while you're feeling sick?

Original poster

Charlene46 · 22/12/2023 15:38

I certainly don’t expect my children to tiptoe around me if I’m not well !! But I was looking forward to spending Xmas with them now I don’t get the chance as the choice has been taken away from me even though I’ve tried to compromise !!!

OP posts:

Ju1ieAndrews · 22/12/2023 15:42

But if you're feeling well then you can all go to you SILs and if you're feeling unwell, your DP can take the kids and leave you in peace to rest and recover.

Why would you want the kids to stay home and watch you be sick?

FramboiseRoyale · 22/12/2023 15:44

I can see both sides, too, but won't you be spending most of Christmas Day with your children? Also, what would your children prefer?

sandragreen · 22/12/2023 15:46

Why do you keep saying you won’t get to spend Christmas Day with your children? It’s not true is it?

fruitypancake · 22/12/2023 16:06

I feel for you OP, he should have put you first a week ago and of course you want to be with your children on Christmas Day . Sounds like he has been really inflexible

Screwballs · 22/12/2023 16:30

Charlene46 · 22/12/2023 13:19

You've already had three children, you must know the drill by now? Do you really need hand holding? Christmas is days away, it is poor behaviour to cancel this close for five people they've likely already got food in for, at least if DH attends with kids they aren't messing SIL around. I think you need to woman up a bit personally.

Screwballs · 22/12/2023 16:34

BalletBob · 22/12/2023 14:30

Ugh this old chestnut 🙄

Tell me, does it somehow feel better/easier for you to be fatigued and vomiting when the cause is pregnancy as opposed to a virus or something? Because it felt exactly the bloody same for me.

I expect OP's plan is to sensibly rest when she needs to, and carry on her normal activities the rest of the time.

Show quote history

Why does that include making everyone else stay home and miss out?

Whattodo112222 · 22/12/2023 16:35

I can see if from both sides. Early pregnancy can be horrendous.. however, I agree with PP who said its about 5 peoples needs. Your husband is likely to be resentful and bitter he's been made to cancel and your kids might feel a bit miserable if all the fun is at SIL house...

Do you really want Xmas to be everyone walking on egg shells around each other?

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