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Original poster

Boyfriend drinks almost everyday and the days he doesn’t he’s asleep and hungover! I feel so frustrated

46 replies

Bobbingalong39 · 20/12/2023 23:18

I’ve been with my partner for 5 years now. I was previously married and have three children to my ex. He left me for another women after 15 years. I met my now partner through a friend at work and he pursued me for a while, to which I reciprocated, albeit 2 months after my separation, and then i moved him into my house with me and my children. I believe he is not on the same page as me as he thinks we have a great relationship and tells me he stands in pubs showing my picture off and how proud he is to be with me! the problem is he is a daily drinker, who smokes weed and uses cocaine. I do occasionally drink, once a week at a push, so I’m not pointing fingers but I know my limits and responsibilities which he doesn’t. I’ve made it clear over the years that his lifestyle is not for me and I broke up with him last year for a short while. After pleading, I gave him another chance. He said he would pull his socks up and start putting effort into our relationship more but I feel he isn’t doing that. I’m financially stable as I own my own home and do not rely on him financially at all. I have borrowed him in excess of 25k over the years which he has paid back recently but ive always felt like his safety net and not a priority to him. An important thing to mention is he lost his mum in Feb 2022 and blames all his demons on his grief. I try to be empathetic, but how long do I have to put up with this behaviour and stop feeling bad because he is grieving. I have cried, pleaded and shouted over the years that I am not happy anymore but he chooses to gloss over it and ignore it. We have an almost non existent sex life and I spend a lot of evening alone while he spends his time in his family’s pub. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. How can he say he loves me so much but want to drink and be away from me so much?

OP posts:
DeeCeeCherry · 20/12/2023 23:26

the problem is he is a daily drinker, who smokes weed and uses cocaine

& this is who you have in your home, with your children?

You have no standards hence you've picked up a man with no standards. Fine if thats your thing but it's absolutely outrageous you have a druggie alcoholic in your childrens' home. They don't deserve this

How can he say he loves me so much but want to drink and be away from me so much?

🙄 Hardly the priority issue, is it? There's such a thing as craving a man so much you take leave of your senses. You're lucky you haven't been reported to Social Services, perhaps your family and friends don't know the situation

category12 · 20/12/2023 23:27

Why would he change? He gets to live the lifestyle he wants and leech off you.

Is this really what your kids should be growing up around? A drunk, a druggie, a drain on their mum's resources, financial and emotional.

Beesandhoney123 · 20/12/2023 23:31

Key word is boyfriend. Change locks, ask him to leave, call police if he won't. Out. Don't come back.

You don't owe him anything and your children are having a dreadful childhood marred by this man and his dossing.

Singleandproud · 20/12/2023 23:34

You don't have to put up with it at all. I wouldn't even let him in the same house as my DD let alone move him in.

Once you have all your money back, give him a week's notice that the relationship is no longer for you and you need him to move out on X date. personally I would pack his stuff up and rent him a Travelodge or similar for a week instead and after that he would have to be on his own. He is an adult he is not your responsibility

GrazingSheep · 20/12/2023 23:35

Your poor children.
What the fuck are you thinking having this man in their home and in their lives???
Actually I think you’re a troll.

tescocreditcard · 21/12/2023 00:37

I can't believed you moved this man into your family home with your kids.

Their home is supposed to be their safe space.

Channellingsophistication · 21/12/2023 00:45

You are totally being taken advantage of!!

You cant have a man in the house doing cocaine with your DCs around can you. You need to give him his marching orders.

MintJulia · 21/12/2023 00:48

You let a drug user in to the same house as your childrem !!?! Why?

Retrieve your key and send him home to his mum. Tomorrow.

Littlefish · 21/12/2023 00:50

You let an alcoholic dependant drug user live in your house, with your children?

What on earth are you doing?

Protect your children and yourself.

Get rid of him.

novocaine4thesoul · 21/12/2023 00:55

"how long do I have to put up with this behaviour"
The actual answer is not for a minute longer. The realistic answer is, if it helps, just see Christmas through. But hatch your plans for new year. Move on and don't look back. Good luck x

hellsBells246 · 21/12/2023 01:00

Beesandhoney123 · 20/12/2023 23:31

Key word is boyfriend. Change locks, ask him to leave, call police if he won't. Out. Don't come back.

You don't owe him anything and your children are having a dreadful childhood marred by this man and his dossing.

This!

GodDammitCecil · 21/12/2023 01:04

I honestly can’t believe you moved this man into your house with your three children.

Full stop.

Let alone so soon after your divorce.

Let alone the fact he’s a weed-smoking, cocaine-taking, problem drinker.

MN is a window into another world….

hoobanoobie · 21/12/2023 01:31

So how old are the kids you've brought an alcoholic drug addict in to live with? You don't think they need safeguarding from any of that? He won't have sex with you or spend time with you, shock horror.
Again, about those kids of yours...

hoobanoobie · 21/12/2023 01:34

I really hope you're a troll because I find it hard to believe that a mother can honestly be this stupid. Do you understand priorities and safeguarding? What happened to you to make you act like this is a normal life to live?

Sashya · 21/12/2023 01:50

You moved an alcoholic drug addict to your house to live with your 3 kids????
And he sponges of money off you???
And you have no sex.

Seriously - do you not see how wrong it all is? You have a feeling of being used because you ARE BEING USED...
Is this the sort of relationship you want your kids to have when they grow up?

His mom's death, while sad, has no bearing on the above.

WandaWonder · 21/12/2023 02:01

So here we go another person bringing an unsuitable partner into a home with children, and the cycle continues

This never seems to end

mathanxiety · 21/12/2023 03:48

Yes, he is taking advantage of you.

Get a locksmith in when he's out, and change your locks. Pack his stuff and leave it outside for him.

Don't listen to any more pleading. He's taking you for a mug.

ThePoshUns · 21/12/2023 03:51

So an alcoholic , druggy cocklodger ( without the cock)?
Get rid

Ihadenough22 · 21/12/2023 03:51

You need to tell him it over and he can move out. You have 3 children. Why did you let him move in so soon after meeting him? Why do you think a alcoholic, coke and cannabis user is a suitable person to be living with you and your children?

You could be reported to social services if other people become aware of what he doing in your home. What happens if one of your kids took some of his drugs in your home?
They will end up in hospital and social services will get involved.

As a parent it's your job to to protect your kid's. Also long term you don't want them to think that heavy drinking and drug taking is the normal. I know some adult kids who don't talk to 1 or both parents because of how they were treated as kids or the circumstances they were in.

PieAndLattes · 21/12/2023 04:40

He's with you because he needs somewhere to live, and I’m guessing he gets nice dinners, and all his pants and socks washed. He doesn’t give a stuff about you and he’s not going to change. The only thing you can change is how you respond. I would suggest loading his stuff into bin bags, dumping them on your doorstep, and changing the locks.

chocolateorangeinhaler · 21/12/2023 04:43

You both need to get your heads out of the sand and take responsibility for yourselves.

You are responsible for three kids not a grown man. What are you thinking letting a drug user round them? Plus you are demonstrating that it's ok to use women. Stand up and kick him out of your life.

He has admitted his addictions are due to grief yada yada yada. Great. So what's he doing to deal with it? Absolutely nothing and you are enabling that behavior, why?

There are over 7 billion people on this earth. One of those will adore, love and treat you and your family with respect. Don't you think you deserve that?

You've done your time with him. Given him a second chance and still the lousy behavior. I know it's tough to hear but he doesn't respect you. You are not as important to him as drugs and booze are, you never will be. Move on. Just move on.

LemonTreeSkies · 21/12/2023 04:46

MintJulia · 21/12/2023 00:48

You let a drug user in to the same house as your childrem !!?! Why?

Retrieve your key and send him home to his mum. Tomorrow.

His dead Mum, you mean? 🙄

Rainbowqueeen · 21/12/2023 04:47

Why wouldn’t he say he loves you ? You let me do what he wants. I’d love someone who let me live in their house but do as I please

you need to end it for good. Block him so he can’t contact you again. Words are just words. Actions are everything. If you find yourself wavering at any time reread your post. You

Bananalanacake · 21/12/2023 06:18

How long were you in a relationship when he moved in, why couldn't you date him and live separately. Do your Dc actually like him?

ZebraD · 21/12/2023 06:21

He doesn’t love you, you are just convenient. Ditch him!