Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

F***ING DH, am livid. Need to offload.....

84 replies

NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 11:56

DH has just phoned and said 'I need a favour...', turns out that the Director of his company has invited him out on yet another work jolly, this time with the Execs.

He phoned to 'ask' me if he could go, he offered to 'babysit' the kids for me tomorrow so that I could take my Mum out for a meal in the evening, (big of him) which just f*cked me off even more. I told him that I wasn't happy with it but it wasn't my decision, and he said that he felt that he had an obligation to go because he was made employee of the quarter (and given a £100 cheque) last week. I told him that some crappy word processor certificate and a piddling cheque didn't mean that they own his soul.

This will be his FOURTH Christmas work jolly in a fortnight, having been out THREE nights in a row on work parties and after I bent over backwards so that he could go out on the piss for NINE HOURS with his brother on Sunday. I could wring his f**king neck right now.

OP posts:
Minstrel · 21/12/2004 13:48

I am just so glad to have found this site and people who have similar problems to me, because sometimes you feel like you are the only person in the world going through it. Hope to speak to you again.

I will be thinking of you and especially next time I am mad at DH!!

Take Care,
Have A Lovely Christmas and Point DH in direction of hoover for when his relatives are over.

Love Minstrel xx

GeorginaAdventCalendar · 21/12/2004 13:49

There was the time dh's then job wanted him to take the company mobile with him on our honeymoon. He did, but "accidentally" left the SIM card in Croydon

sandyballs · 21/12/2004 13:49

Tricky one - you need to feel that you and the kids come first now and then and he should make that effort - I think four times in two weeks is quite a lot and wouldn't be happy if my DH did this.

Saying that, I had my xmas "do" last night and got about ten texts from DH saying how much the kids were missing me, what time would I be home, etc etc, really p***d me off as I don't go out that much. I wouldn't dream of doing that to him on a night out. I got home at about 11.00pm and the house was bedlam, the kids had only just gone to bed, the bath was fully of their dirty water and he was really stressed. Pathetic. Feel cross with him today .

Original poster
NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 13:50

It's not a case of letting the sisters down. I suppose it's more a case of DH knowing I would be upset about this and despite it being an eminently 'get outtable' affair, he went ahead and said yes anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 13:52

Thank you Minstrel, you too. x

Georgina -

sandyballs - I'd be mad with him too.

OP posts:
cranberryjampot · 21/12/2004 18:03

That's right, jampot. I appreciate that due to the fact that he is quite senior in a massive company, there are masses of departmental xmas functions. It just pisses me off to the point of kicking the cat (not really), that he puts the MD of his company above me and his kids .

The fact is that DH knew that I'd be less than pleased with this arrangement so he said 'yes' to his director and then just planned to play the 'I don't really want to go but I have to' smoothing it over with the little woman card . He could've quite easily told the person that invited him that he already had plans, what with it being so close to Christmas, I doubt they'd have batted an eyelid. Instead he said 'I'd love to' so that it would make me feel like a bitch for saying that I didn't think it was fair and he'd have to c'crawl' back to his seniors and withdraw his acceptance. Basically shifting any responsibility onto me, classic.

THANKS A FUCKING BUNDLE.

Manc - are you thanking me a "fucking bundle" or your dh?

turquey · 21/12/2004 18:14

I'd be pissed off Manc - not because it's the 4th or whatever but because if it was so last minute, then it really can't be that important.
I can identify - my dp's been out on do's all but 3 nights of the last two weeks, then he went out with a friend on the saturday night, and when he's home he's forever texting away on his bloody little blackberry thing.

beansontoast · 21/12/2004 18:24

I can totally see why you are seething.I cant stand being made to feel like the bad guy for being the one to point out how unfair it is when HE SHOLULD ALREADY KNOW

beansontoast · 21/12/2004 18:24

see!cant even type!

lulupop · 21/12/2004 18:25

NamechangingMM, I'd be just as pissed off too.

In fact, I have been, recently, as DH has also been on a constand stream of jollies, and he also tried to play it down with the old "I have to for my work" card. Never mind it's just him and 5 of his mates who happen to be in the business too.

I must admit though, a lot of my irritation stems from the fact that, TBH, I am jealous of his ability to phone up at a minute's notice and say he's off out with his friends, whereas for me, it's a once in a blue moon scenario, planned for months ahead, and still I have to keep reminding DH otherwise he just tells me on the day he can't come home early as he's "going out for work"!

Really resent the implication that by looking after his own kids, he's in some way "helping" me. Their his kids, for God's sake! Am I "helping" him by looking after them the other 362 days a year?

Right, rant over, tonight is one of my nights out, so I must go and pretty myself up...

Brozzer · 21/12/2004 23:53

Manc - it's a man's world and the burden of childcare falls upon women. It sucks. Anyone who chastises you needs a good kick up the arse. Some women are total suckers who will put up with any old shit to please their man because they're so desperately insecure and worried about being single. You are clearly not one of these sadsacks.

Good for you.

Hint that the relationship isn't working for you and that you are not a given in his life. He'll soon tow the line.

ThomCatsAreNotJustForXmas · 22/12/2004 00:16

I hope your are not insinuating that cos some women wouldn't feel annoyed if there other half went out 4 times in 2 weeks for work do's at Xmas it makes them sadsacks!!! I'm sure you're not, that would be outrageous
There's been no chastising on this thread has there?

cab · 22/12/2004 01:03

NCMM Have just skimmed this thread and wondered if you might draw up an evening 'rota' so you have 3 official nights off, your husband has 3 and you have one together.
Doesn't mean you HAVE to go out on your nights off, but means he has to ask nicely if he wants to pinch one of your nights and gives you one of his in return.
Appreciate if he's actually away for work it makes it trickier - so if only 4 nights free in the week you get 2 each.
It's worked for us reasonably well for 4 years since dd was born. Takes a while to sort out eg one of us might say oh I forgot X was your night off and I've organised y. You only 'give way' if you're certain you can do it in good grace, otherwise it's a cancellation job. (Your dh may have to do quite a few of the latter until he gets a hang of the rules.)
HTH

mullgedwine · 22/12/2004 01:50

NCMM, just wanted to send you lots of sympathy. I would love it if my dh had only been out 4 times in the last 2 weeks... its not a lot in the run up to Xmas in a senior role. ATM, my dh works for a couple of hours in the am, then returns to the pub pm for hair of the dog. last night it was 2.45am he got in, tonight 11.15pm. a friend of mine's dh rolled in from a lunch yesterday at 06.45am today!
You are not alone in being the lowest down the foodchain in your house. I think given the background, you do have cause for complaint, and it is a definite to your dh re his "babysit" comment. DH once told me he couldn't have our twins on his own for the day as he "wasn't the primary carer" WTF!
I do hope you manage to have some good family time together over Xmas.

midnightmass · 22/12/2004 07:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FlashingRudolphNose · 22/12/2004 08:10

am I the only one who looks forward to her DH going out in the evening because I get to slob out on the sofa eating rubbish and watching what I want to watch on telly??

Original poster
NameChangingMancMidlander · 22/12/2004 11:17

Jampot, sorry, only just spotted your '?'. I was thanking my DH a f*cking bundle !!!! Mortified at the confusion

OP posts:
cranberryjampot · 22/12/2004 11:21

its ok then . I was horrified i'd caused such a reaction

Original poster
NameChangingMancMidlander · 22/12/2004 11:21

"so if he has such a good job why have you not got shild care to help you through the difficut bits?"

Midnightmass, he does have a very good job, and most of the time we don't need additional childcare as I'm a SAHM. My point was not that it is such hard work looking after the kids all the time, but that it is always assumed that I'll drop everything to fit in around his plans. Of course I'd do anything for the kids, but it doesn't stop me feeling a little taken advantage of every now and again.

OP posts:
Minstrel · 22/12/2004 11:30

NCMM-Hi just thought I would let you know I am still here SUPPORTING YOU. I too could probably afford child care and also have very good friends who would babysit everynight of the week if I wanted it. I would just like my dh to spend a bit of time with me and the children. Last night he came home 6.20 (great I thought) had dinner which we finished at 6.50. He was out the door again (to go back to work) at 7.45 and he came back at 12.30am. His main problem is there is no-one else who does his job, so when he is off it all just keeps stacking up until he is back, it usually takes a day just to read the emails...

Original poster
NameChangingMancMidlander · 22/12/2004 11:40

Snap re DH being the only one able to fulfil his role. Thanks for the though Minstel, I really appreciate it. Sending positive coping vibes your way too

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChangingMancMidlander · 22/12/2004 11:41

I meant 'thanks for the thought, Minstrel'

OP posts:
Rogue · 22/12/2004 11:47

give him a time to be home say 11pm and tell him if he is not home he will be locked out and tell him you mean it.....tell him if he is drunk beyond recognition dont bother to even come home. and do the 'silent teatment'. ask him are they paying too coz at this rate they would have got the £100 back with interest!!!!!

Flumberrysauce · 22/12/2004 11:50

Does your DH really 'ask' you if he can go out? Does that mean you ask him if you go out?

We just tell each other and thats that.

It is Christmas spread a little love his way, go on dare you.

Flumberrysauce · 22/12/2004 11:51

Oh didn't realise you had made plans of your own. How thoughtless of him. In that case, tell him course he can go if he can find a babysitter.

Swipe left for the next trending thread