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Original poster

F***ING DH, am livid. Need to offload.....

84 replies

NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 11:56

DH has just phoned and said 'I need a favour...', turns out that the Director of his company has invited him out on yet another work jolly, this time with the Execs.

He phoned to 'ask' me if he could go, he offered to 'babysit' the kids for me tomorrow so that I could take my Mum out for a meal in the evening, (big of him) which just f*cked me off even more. I told him that I wasn't happy with it but it wasn't my decision, and he said that he felt that he had an obligation to go because he was made employee of the quarter (and given a £100 cheque) last week. I told him that some crappy word processor certificate and a piddling cheque didn't mean that they own his soul.

This will be his FOURTH Christmas work jolly in a fortnight, having been out THREE nights in a row on work parties and after I bent over backwards so that he could go out on the piss for NINE HOURS with his brother on Sunday. I could wring his f**king neck right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 13:03

Thank you DaddyCool ! Are you married ????!!!

OP posts:
DaddyCool · 21/12/2004 13:06
Blush
Minstrel · 21/12/2004 13:06

NCMM-Dont worry I am with you on this!! My dh has a senior position in his company and this oftens happens to me, not just at Christmas but throughout the year too. I posted a similar thread last week!! I have lost count the number of times DH has promised to DD he would be at the school for whatever reason and has had to let her down at the last minute, or you put dinner on because he says he is on his way home only for him to walk in at 10pm. His work ALWAYS comes first and always will. I supposed in a lot of ways I have come to accept it, but he does annoy me because he thinks that taking ds to toddler group stops me from doing housework and he even told me that SAHM's who spend all week taking their kids to things are taking the Pxxxx out of their husbands as they should be at home taking care of the house!! (We had a good barney that night!!)- Him being the one who had to take time off to look after my two when I had flu and spent all day out of the house, did no housework and then took them to McDonalds for tea!!

MoHoHo2 · 21/12/2004 13:06

MM - you're probably right - easy for me to say, but I've had my fair share of slanging matches over similar situations
Vent away, it'll probably make you feel better!

leglepartridge · 21/12/2004 13:08

Name changing - don't all shoot me now but I don't think its that outrageous ..... he did offer to assist the night after, yes he called it 'babysitting' but its not that big offence his heart was in the right place. you seem awfully mad about it, a little OTT perhaps????

am ducking down now to avoid the bullets ...

GeorginaAdventCalendar · 21/12/2004 13:08

And this is why I am eminently grateful dh works in a very small company (6 people) - the company-wide christmas do, department do, senior partners do is all rolled into one lunchtime on a Friday

littledrummerbird · 21/12/2004 13:10

MancMidlander - agree with others that work "do's" are frequent in the run up to Christmas for a senior exec. The harsh reality is that there are job definition type responsibilities that come with a senior position,and there are also very real but nebulous politics that occur both in and outside the office. Work "do's" often provide time for relaxing and bonding with staff, peers and superiors which can make a huge difference in how people relate to one another in a work setting.

Sorry to say it, but think it's wrong/antagonistic for you to lash out in anger/frustration and belittle his accomplishment of being named employee of the quarter. But, to see it from your side, completely agree that it's irritating for you not to have him around as usual for help/support.....especially if it's without much advance notice.

Suggest that you ask him for as much advance notice as possible,and then consider hiring a babysitter to help out on the nights he's not around. An extra set of hands around the house can make a huge difference. It will give you some real tangible help at the end of a tiring day, and will enable him to do what he needs to for work knowing that you have the help you need.

Get the help you need so that you don't feel fed up, and let him do what he needs to without sending him on a guilt trip. Good luck and try to stay positive.

GeorginaAdventCalendar · 21/12/2004 13:10

I think to be fair to MM this is a long succession of "absolutely can't get out of" stays away and evenings out without any genuine appreciation or thanks for "babysitting" his kids long before Christmas reared its head. Straw that broke the camel's back, methinks.

GeorginaAdventCalendar · 21/12/2004 13:11

...and this is also not long after she was called an "inconvenience" by him because she'd damaged her ankle badly and needed to go to A&E.

Original poster
NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 13:12

Minstrel, he spent the majority of late Sept through to Nov 20th working away. Phoning me from bars late at night pi$$ed out of his skull telling me how hard it was for him too, only to tell me that he 'has to run' as it's his round / turn at the pool table / go in the game of cards.

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Original poster
NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 13:16

I did not belittle his accomplishment at being named EOTQ, in fact I went out and bought him a bottle of champers and made him a congrats dinner when he told me, just a few nights before.

BTW, Georgina (who knows me in real life and therefore is aware of the realities) is v accurate.

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DoesntChristmasDragOn · 21/12/2004 13:17

You only called it a "crappy word processor certificate and a piddling cheque" here, that's why it sounded as if you were belittling it.

DaddyCool · 21/12/2004 13:18

I don't agree with littledrummerbird at all. I've always come under alot of pressure to go to these things and I never do. People look at me as if I'm from Mars when I say no thanks, not this time but it's never affected my promotion and career prospects. I think it's just an excuse.

Minstrel · 21/12/2004 13:19

OMG-NCMM poor you . My dh spent a week in Milan this summer and only phoned home once! The excuse was he was out to dinner when the kids went to bed and was in conferences the rest of the time. I live miles from my parents and my ds has only just turned 1 and can be a right handful although DD is 6 and is very helpful, some nights I just sit and cry when they have gone to bed and have these imaginery conversations with him in my head but of course I never do. I would love to spend time with him, because we actually get on better the more time we spend together. If we ever won the lottery and could afford for him to give up work, I could live with him 24/7.

Sending you big cyber hugs xxxxxxx

GeorginaAdventCalendar · 21/12/2004 13:22

Sorry you're feeling taken for granted, MM {{{hugs}}}

Shall we organise a piss up between Christmas and New Year of our own? I'm sure there's someone in your household who can "babysit"

Original poster
NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 13:23

Minstrel, same here. My Mum lives 100 miles away and I have no family support locally, although I do have a handful of very reliable and lovely friends. We have 3 kids, 2 Ds from his first marriage who are 12 & 11 and one DD together who is 2. Sometimes I'm deeply resentful of the fact that it's me that always does the parental drudgery for all 3 children, and that it's just assumed that I will.

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lockets · 21/12/2004 13:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Minstrel · 21/12/2004 13:29

When does he come off for Xmas? Mine is off on Wednesday until next Tuesday, but that in turn probably means I won't see him until midnight and another night of DD saying "Where's Daddy!" Wish I lived closer then I could come on that night out with you and Georgina - a fine pair we would make!!

Original poster
NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 13:32

LOL, minstrel . I've been lucky this year in that H finishes on Christmas Eve and doesn't go back until Jan 4th, thankfully his leave request was accepted this time. Do you find that your H doesn't get the opportunity to take all of his allocated days of leave because every single godforsaken week has something 'unmissable' in it ?

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Original poster
NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 13:33

Whereabouts are you, Minstrel ?

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ragtaggle · 21/12/2004 13:34

NCMMC - I really didn't mean to chastise you. I can really understand that this is the straw that broke the camel's back for you. His past behaviour puts a different slant on this. The working away for weeks on end and then phoning pissed from bars would really get on my nerves. But please go out and have a good time with your mum. It sounds like you need the opportunity to de-stress.

Original poster
NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 13:37

Thanks ragtaggle.

Perhaps I should point out at this juncture that I don't react like this to every work do or 'stay late' Dh springs on me. I have seen comparatively little of him since September and I've missed him (so have the kids). I can't help it if I feel sad / angry that we've yet again been passed over for his job.

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Minstrel · 21/12/2004 13:38

Lost count of the number of times I have had days out planned for us, only to be told "sorry - can't have that day off now". Or worse still he comes out with mobile in tow and the stupid thing goes off every few minutes. God don't you hate that - men talking into mobiles whilst pushing a swing with the other. I live in South East England btw.

Original poster
NameChangingMancMidlander · 21/12/2004 13:41

So frustrating. Most of the time I hold my tongue because I feel that it would be unfair for me to be putting pressure on him from the domestic side when I know he's already under pressure in his work life, unfortunately that results in us getting the shitty end of the stick and me having frequent blow-outs.

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fisilhohoho · 21/12/2004 13:47

I don't know how I feel on this one. Am I letting the sisters down, cos I'm sure dp has been out that many times recently (I've lost count) and I really don't mind. If I either wanted to or had to go out that many times for work, then I would too. But I only had 2 work dos - and one I cancelled cos we were all too tired.

I almost got p*ssed off with dp for one of the dos as he was really late home, and came in wreaking of alcohol when I was in bed. Then he disappeared and I was woken up sometime later by snoring coming from somewhere. I went to investigate - he was cuddled up on the floor with ds in ds' bedroom! I led him to bed amidst protests of "want to sleep with baby, love baby." I think that's sweet, but maybe I'm being too unfeminist here!