Dating a man going through a divorce

[Flash15x]

Hi. I've been with my new boyfriend for 9 months. When I met he was in the process of starting his divorce. As people do when they met they share things that have happened etc and I soon found myself knowing every detail of what was happening etc. giving him advice or listening etc, however over the last couple of months I probably got too involved and it has put a strain on our relationship. He has one child who is 13 who I've met and have an ok relationship with, 2 step children who are late teens who I haven't met and him and his ex are not amicable, pretty toxic in fact. I've received numerous messages from fake accounts on social media regarding him (think it's his ex) which I was told from him wasnt his fault and I can't take it out on him.
It blew up between us both and me and my boyfriend decided we need to keep certain things private I.e his divorce or can't with ex and mine with my ex (we are ammicable and friendly and still have a house together we are selling) and work on stuff to fix our relationship and move forward. However I feel his pulling away, I feel in the way and I'm worried it'll feel as if we can't communicate or have a life together and a separate one also that neither of us are involved in. I do a lot for him I.e help sort his daughters Christmas presents etc. He's always said he was over his wife and didn't love her etc but my biggest worry and gut feelings was always that I was a distraction or rebound. Which he always says isn't true. When we met he was so different to how he is now. Maybe the honeymoon periods over or maybe he's starting to show his true colours. should I trust my gut on this?

Thank you x

Who has given you the impression that men need things done for them and excuses made for them? This is not the case. If you can buy better gifts for a 13 year old girl you barely know than her own father who's known her her whole life, he's simply a shitty dad.

You're a wonderful person in your own right. Try being single for a while.

Even if he does need some assistance in finding things I'm sure he's more than capable of locating his wallet. Letting you pay for his child is ridiculous. It doesn't matter how expensive divorce is. That's not your problem. How would he manage if you weren't there.

Stop making excuses for him. Aim higher.

If you can't deal with a split right now, start with a step back. There is no point in trying to be too close and move the relationship on. Hang back, if you have nothing other to talk about than his divorce, then it comes across that maybe you have little in common - apart from being poor communcators.
You really made a big error getting involved in his divorce details. Your relationship would of gone far smoother if you were the safe haven where he could have a break from the stress of it. Your best chance of salvaging it is to become that. If it leaves you nothing to talk about between you, then it shows there was never much between you to hold it together other than divorce sympathy. Talk of arranging dates, doing happy stuff, quit buying presents for his DD out of your own money. Im not having that a grown man cant buty off a list! Stop trying to make yourself indespensible. Your trying to hard to convincehim to keep with you. You should be with someonewho wants you for you, not for the crutch you are.
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He would pay you “if you asked him”?

He should pay you without asking.

Meanness is a big red flag.🚩

I bet he’s perfectly capable of finding items he wants and buying them.

He’s seen you coming. You are happy to not only buy but also pay for (and wrap I bet) his daughter’s Christmas presents because divorce is expensive.

Listen to yourself. Leave him to step up to his own responsibilities. And his own divorce.

use your money to pay for some serious therapy and stay single until you are in a position to make healthy relationship choices.

He should have been buying Christmas presents for his daughter himself. Seriously, ordering some stuff online and wrapping it up is about the easiest bit of parenting.

And this guy is failing at that. He’s getting his girlfriend to do that for him. But I bet he’ll still take the bloody credit - even though he hasn’t even paid for the bloody stuff.

It wouldn’t be as bad - though still lazy as feck - if he actually just gave the OP the money to be his daughters personal shopper. But to let her pay - WTAF???

You shouldn’t have to ask. Absolutely no decent man would let their gf pay for his daughters presents. What an absolute ponce .

In fact any bloke would not only give you the money but a bit extra as well to tear yourself as a thank you. Sorry OP but you’re being taken for a mug

Please ask yourself why you are holding back from asking him for the money back.

Are you afraid he is going to disappoint you and what that would mean?

Are you afraid of him saying that you're just like his ex? I will admit I sometimes have that impulse too - to try not to be like his ex in some way. But if she gave him grief about money, it sounds as if she may have had a reason for that.

A good dad would pay attention and know what his 13 year old daughter is into.

A teenager is more tha capable of shopping off a list let alone a middle aged man.

You are acting like you are his saviour hero and he is this poor, incapable little lamb.
This man is far more intelligent than you are and is manipulating you, have you running his errands and even paying for his own daughter's gift which she gave him a list of.
Yes, this is why his clever wife got rid of his lazy, selfish, entitled arse and he found in you someone who is so desperate to please and rescue that you are being totally exploited. He only wants to be around you when he gets something out of you.
You sound younger and he probably jumped into introducing you to spite his ex.

And i have no idea why you think a 13 year old won't be affected. Its a very sensitive age and she is affected now and probably always been with a useless knob of a dad.
I only hope her mum is better.
You sound lacking in empathy and he sounds narcissistic.

He left his wife.