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Original poster

help me process this date

31 replies

notsuredate · 17/12/2023 16:59

Third date with a guy I met from Bumble

In short the date was pleasant and we didn’t stop talking

That being said, no idea if he fancies me
No compliment
Didn’t say say anything nice about me
We spent a long time talking about his anxiety, therapy
I ended up paying for the bill as he was faffing around so much and made a point of halving it and it was getting tricky
He said that was a big deal to him (it wasn’t expensive)
I said you can get the next one
He didn’t reply
So I said get me a take away coffee which he did
No talk of meeting up again
No excitement or sexual tension
I dropped him off in my car as we were having a nice chat and his place was on my way home
He was chatty, open and nice tho

He asked me to let him know if I go to the gym later and kissed me on the cheek

I’ve been out of dating practice for so long

He’s not into me, is he? I don’t feel it

usually you should by third date ?

OP posts:
Eva90 · 17/12/2023 17:03

You never know he may have also been out of the dating game for a while, or let nerves get the better of him. Are you interested in him?

When I was dating I was always the kind of person that could tell whether I liked them or not from the first date usually, but I'd maybe give it a second just to see but perhaps it's more just friendly vibes?

Redlarge · 17/12/2023 17:06

Think this has fizzled out. Move on. X

FictionalCharacter · 17/12/2023 17:20

I ended up paying for the bill as he was faffing around so much and made a point of halving it and it was getting tricky
He said that was a big deal to him (it wasn’t expensive)
I said you can get the next one
He didn’t reply
He doesn't appear to be that keen on you and he's stingy! Throw this one back.

MahShinyShoes · 17/12/2023 17:26

He’s not into me, is he? I don’t feel it

It doesn't matter if he's not into you.
Sounds like you're not into him & that's enough.

I suspect you'd end up having to nurture him a lot with his faffing & anxiety. I personally don't find that attractive.

JaneAustensHeroine · 17/12/2023 17:27

Sounds tedious and not enjoyable. The talking about his anxiety therapy and the faffing would be enough to make me think that this is not going to be an easy, straightforward relationship. Life and dating is hard enough without that.

I would move on.

ANightingale · 17/12/2023 17:27

He’s not into me, is he?

And you're not into him, so this is a non-starter.

ANightingale · 17/12/2023 17:30

And the faffing with the bill sounds like manipulating you into paying it. How hard can it be to split between two people - whether straight down the middle or each paying for what you had? Use the calculator on your phone if you're rubbish at mental arithmetic.

WmFnKdSg1234 · 17/12/2023 17:47

He played you: not being able to pay his halve, all the talk about his problems, getting a lift home. I think he would be a nightmare, you'd be his service human and facilitator.

But yeah, he's not into you (no compliments, or much interest in you or your life). It is good you are not into him.

DarkDuvet · 17/12/2023 17:55

He sounds awful, why on earth would you want to date him?

dull, tight, no spark.

draw a line, and move on

zurala · 17/12/2023 17:57

Who cares if he's into you or not? He sounds crap, bin him and move on.

Olika · 17/12/2023 18:00

The way you describe it all just makes me think you are not into him. Just boring. Better to move on.

furtivetussling · 17/12/2023 18:16

Awkward.

Not going anywhere, is it?

rorret · 17/12/2023 18:18

You're not feeling it, that means you shouldn't see him again.

Bernieee · 17/12/2023 18:18

I don’t think he’s into you. But it doesn’t sound like you’re into him either if I’m honest.

Signs: Faffing around and not paying for the date. Not committing to another date etc.

but the date also sounded super boring too

WatieKatie · 17/12/2023 18:28

‘We spent a long time talking about his anxiety, therapy’

And you’re considering seeing him again?!?!

SleepingStandingUp · 17/12/2023 18:45

What were the first two dates like? Who paid? Who made contact for the next one?

You do sound equally ambivalent

FiddleLeaf · 17/12/2023 18:50

You paid, dropped him home & listened to him talk about his mental health with no chemistry.

I can see why he’d want to continue but why the heck would you?

F1ymetothetoon · 17/12/2023 18:52

I'm just gobsmacked that this was your third date he sounds like a proper wet blanket 😲

alwaysmovingforwards · 17/12/2023 19:01

Each to their own... but that sounds like a really crap date lol sorry 😆

ArchetypalBusyMum · 17/12/2023 19:06

That is not the start to a beautiful romance.
Whatever is going on in his head doesn't change the fact that this is more like a 'therapy session / mum's come to visit you and check your eating ok while you're at uni' vibe lovechild.

Maybe he's a nice enough bloke, but he's not a life partner for you and, based on what you've said, all orgasms you enjoyed in his company would be mainly self driven.

If you see him again you could have a nice chat, but a 4th date... Nahh.

samestyle · 17/12/2023 19:08

He still sounds like a complete stranger after date 3, he knows nothing about you as he talked about himself, let you pay, drive him home and didn't make you feel at least bit attractive to him. Let that be the last date!
Interested men ask lots of questions about you, make you feel attractive and can't wait to see you again, you can find a much better date in future.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 17/12/2023 19:10

Yep definitely not into you, sorry.

Someone I knew had a 3 date rule, she dated them for 3 dates and if no spark she didn’t take it further.

Original poster
notsuredate · 17/12/2023 19:10

So I wrote him a lovely msg to say I wasn’t sure there was a romantic connection and better to stick as friends

he said oh totally, he feels the same, and if romance were to happen, it might just happen

i said this after the first date and posted about it here and he convinced me to meet him again 😂🙈

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 17/12/2023 19:11

A bare minimum effort man.

Who sounds like he needs a therapist...or to be medicated.

Run.
Never let a date use you as therapy.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 17/12/2023 19:11

And yes he was mean and talked way too much about his issues. Ugh.

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