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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I’ve just had to report harrassment to the police

40 replies

PoliceReportforSibling · 17/12/2023 16:41

From my sibling and their spouse.

They’ve rung me 57 times since 9am, from their phones and 2 unidentified numbers. I didn’t answer any of them so they’ve also sent me over 100 texts, again some from unknown/unidenti numbers, others from them. They’ve also done it to my friends social medias as they’re blocked on mine.

The context of this is, I live 5 minutes away from both my parents (they’re divorced for over 15 years) and sibling thinks I don’t do enough for said parents. Basically thinks I should pack up my house and move in with them, when I already do loads including taking them to all appointments (and theres a lot of them, dad has 4 medical conditions and mum has 2 on top of the normal dentist/opticians), I also cook for them both, and look after their pets when they go away.

Parents are only late 50s, capable of working part time but don’t because they're "too old and ill" neither claims anything as job centre told them they're capable of working and I agree they are - they can both work, drive and manage their own food and money they just choose not to. I’m a single parent to a DC with some disabilities and have another DC (different dads), but this doesn’t exempt me from helping them according to both sibling and spouse. I work part time as well. And sibling thinks I’m childish and immature because I won’t move in with either of my parents therefore uprooting my DC. I also apparently use my DCs disability as an excuse - DC has a mobility issue, an issue that causes falls and struggles with sleep (not ASD or ADHD) which means that they're struggling at school atm.

My ExH isn’t allowed unsupervised contact with DC, there is a CAO to state this so he sees disabled DC once per month. Younger DC sees their dad twice a week and every Saturday but never overnight. But apparently I should be forcing their dads to have them more and again it’s an excuse.

Sibling and spouse are childless and work full time they also live with Spouses parents so they say my situation is comparable to theirs and I just need to “ask for more help from their dads and my friends”. My parents agree with my sibling and think I should be doing more. Sibling and spouse never help parents with anything, they turn up once a month to each (so twice a month) usually on a Sunday and always wonder why there’s no dinner – they expect me to make that to.

It’s the second time I’ve had to report them this year. This time it’s because I’m working over Christmas and using childcare but apparently I should be dropping everything to help them move house – they think I can just tell work I’m not doing the shift anymore and work will cope – but I told them I’d work these shifts in September and baring a DC being ill I’d rather not let them down, these shifts are optional which is why sibling thinks I can drop everything.

*details changed deliberately to hide my ID as I have discussed this IRL but the basics are the same, my sibling is harassing me.

OP posts:
AmazingDayz · 17/12/2023 16:48

What do the police do about this out of interest as I'm in a similar situation but not convinced anything will happen ?

Original poster
PoliceReportforSibling · 17/12/2023 16:48

AmazingDayz · 17/12/2023 16:48

What do the police do about this out of interest as I'm in a similar situation but not convinced anything will happen ?

@AmazingDayz Last time they went round to sibling and spouse and gave a warning but it clearly doesn't do much.

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 17/12/2023 16:51

If they have already been given words of advice and it’s been noted and they are doing the same the police will have to look at next steps.

Thighdentitycrisis · 17/12/2023 16:56

Yes if they have already given a warning which has now been ignored the police may take it to court
this happened to me with an ex - not family. Sorry they are being completely unreasonable

NiftyBiiknhui · 17/12/2023 16:58

They are bullies the pair of them and I hope the police manage to help you with this.

I would stop doing so much for your parents tbh; you said yourself in your post they don’t work because they choose not to and are capable so they are capable of doing other things as well like daily tasks.

come away from all of them and focus on your children how you’ve been coping with this I’ll never know it’s way too much over the top and tbh they all sound bonkers

CornishTiger · 17/12/2023 16:59

Also all those things you do you aren’t obligated to at all.

Pottyberry · 17/12/2023 17:10

God you are doing MORE than enough!! And looking after the dc and working too.

I'd report it again- they are massively unreasonable and nasty. Could you take out a non molestation order?

I'd also be tempted to tell parents you are being harassed so wondering if you should let sibling and spouse do all the caring as they don't think it's being done properly.

Original poster
PoliceReportforSibling · 17/12/2023 17:23

Pottyberry · 17/12/2023 17:10

God you are doing MORE than enough!! And looking after the dc and working too.

I'd report it again- they are massively unreasonable and nasty. Could you take out a non molestation order?

I'd also be tempted to tell parents you are being harassed so wondering if you should let sibling and spouse do all the caring as they don't think it's being done properly.

@Pottyberry Parents agree with sibling that I don't do enough for them and think it's justified because I make excuses to not help more apparently.

I have cut back on what I do for them since the first report of harrassment so I will be stepping back even further after this.

OP posts:
NotDoingOk · 17/12/2023 17:35

Any chance you can move further away and make yourself even less accessible?

Original poster
PoliceReportforSibling · 17/12/2023 17:40

NotDoingOk · 17/12/2023 17:35

Any chance you can move further away and make yourself even less accessible?

@NotDoingOk Unfortunately not, DC2s dad is here, he doesn't have overnight but sees DC twice a week and every Saturday, it'd be unfair to take that away from him.

OP posts:
CBAanymoreTBH · 17/12/2023 17:44

Worth noting that to pursue harassment charge you need to make sure you don't reply at all as this "muddies the waters" for the police. You can message saying clearly "your communication is causing me to feel harassed and I do not wish to receive any further communication from you" then leave it at that

Original poster
PoliceReportforSibling · 17/12/2023 17:47

CBAanymoreTBH · 17/12/2023 17:44

Worth noting that to pursue harassment charge you need to make sure you don't reply at all as this "muddies the waters" for the police. You can message saying clearly "your communication is causing me to feel harassed and I do not wish to receive any further communication from you" then leave it at that

@CBAanymoreTBH I've ignored everything, every phone call, every text/message, my friends have now blocked them after taking screenshots to - they didn't reply to sibling/spouse either.

OP posts:
GreatGateauxsby · 17/12/2023 17:52

Your parents sound like half the problem in this and don't sound even remotely appreciative of the huge amount you do.

The idea a 50 something year old can't get themselves to the opticians or dentist is ridiculous.

Stop helping them and focus on yourself.and you children

PaperDoIIs · 17/12/2023 18:05

If what you're doing is not enough, I'd stop doing anything for them. Might change their perspective.

Mudflaps · 17/12/2023 18:10

You need to step away from your parents completely. They are using you and a major part of the problem. Stop assisting them, let them stand on their own feet and look after themselves. If they don't work or claim benefits how do they survive financially? Re you sibling, contact the police everytime they contact you. Stand back from them all, concentrate on you and your children.

RandomMess · 17/12/2023 18:14

I agree you need to go no contact with your parents as well. I wouldn't be surprised if they pester your sibling escalating everyone's entitlement that you should look after them.

pointythings · 17/12/2023 20:40

Your parents are bananas. I'm 55, I work full time and I do everything for myself. OK, so they have some health conditions - but they don't need you to be their skivvy. I'd be going full no contact with them from here on in, and I'd be doing precisely nothing at all for them.

PhulNana · 17/12/2023 20:42

NotDoingOk · 17/12/2023 17:35

Any chance you can move further away and make yourself even less accessible?

This is really what I'd do. Did, in fact. Moved 150 miles and was reticent about where.

jojom10 · 17/12/2023 20:47

If your parents are in their late 50s and choose not to work what are they living on? They are not elderly and capable of looking after themselves. Why is it falling to you?

Harvestfestivalknickers · 17/12/2023 20:51

I agree with the PP who said your DP's are a big part of the problem, they certainly aren't 'too old and ill' being in their late 50s. If they don't work what exactly do they need help with? Why are your family treating them like 80 year olds needing lifts to the dentist and opticians?

Theunamedcat · 17/12/2023 20:55

How big is your town? I live in a small sprawling town I can move housing estates and still be close to everything but far enough away so I'm not bothered by people

ApolloandDaphne · 17/12/2023 21:06

Your parents and your sibling are being ridiculous expecting you to do more. Your parents aren't elderly and need to manage themselves. I hope the police give them a right bollocking.

Opentooffers · 17/12/2023 21:29

Just accept your sibling and SIL are odd people. If they like living with her parents, good for them, but it would not be most peoples idea of heven.
I actually think you are doing too much and possibly enabling your parent's lazy behavior. If they can drive and are well enough to go on vacation, why on earth are you taking them to appointments and cooking for them? Did your parents never cook for you growing up? Have they lost use of their arms since?
You will actually be doing them a favour in the long run by making themselves responsible for their own health. They are only 50's fgs! It's ridiculous the amount you are doing and you should cut it out all together. Jus go there to visit, not to be an unnecessary skivvy.

LonelynSad · 17/12/2023 21:44

What did police say they would do?

caringcarer · 17/12/2023 21:47

Pottyberry · 17/12/2023 17:10

God you are doing MORE than enough!! And looking after the dc and working too.

I'd report it again- they are massively unreasonable and nasty. Could you take out a non molestation order?

I'd also be tempted to tell parents you are being harassed so wondering if you should let sibling and spouse do all the caring as they don't think it's being done properly.

This. You are doing more than your share for what sounds like ungrateful parents. Go back to the police. Show them spam.phone calls. This is harassment.