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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ghosted by BF of 3 months

53 replies

Rosalee1 · 17/12/2023 14:22

As the title says - looks like I’m being ghosted. We had plans to meet today, I messaged Friday morning to confirm and have been ignored since. Sent another message yesterday, has also been ignored (but delivered).

He hasn’t been in some sort of freak accident as he is posting on social media as per usual. My gut feeling tells me this is his way of ending it, and he’s too cowardly to do it properly.

Feels pretty dreadful; I haven’t been ghosted before. Does anyone have any tips here to retain my dignity and move on, and not feel too shit about it?

OP posts:
Whatthefnow · 17/12/2023 14:58

That's horrible op x

annaT2122 · 17/12/2023 15:01

Could it be something to do with the time of the year that he doesn't want to pull the plug now?

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 17/12/2023 15:02

Do not fucking text him again.

Original poster
Rosalee1 · 17/12/2023 15:03

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 17/12/2023 15:02

Do not fucking text him again.

I absolutely wont - in my defence, I didn’t grovel, just asked if he saw my previous message about if we were still on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosalee1 · 17/12/2023 15:04

annaT2122 · 17/12/2023 15:01

Could it be something to do with the time of the year that he doesn't want to pull the plug now?

I have no idea. But giving me the silent treatment and leaving me to work out I’ve been dumped is so shitty, I could take him ending things, but not even bothering to let me know feels so cold and mean.

OP posts:
furtivetussling · 17/12/2023 15:05

He doesn't want to have to go to the trouble of spending money on a Christmas present for you.

Festive dumping was a well-known tactic when I was in my teens and early 20's.

TheShellBeach · 17/12/2023 15:06

I'm so sorry OP. That's a horrible thing to do to you.

Outliers · 17/12/2023 15:08

If you are in a mutually established relationship, may be worth trying to call? Or checking with a friend he's okay.

MariaLuna · 17/12/2023 15:18

See it as a lucky escape OP.

You really don't want to be with someone who can treat people like that.

Ghosting is awful. It's happened to me too.

JanuaryBug · 17/12/2023 15:26

He's not ghosting you, he's testing you. 3 months is the typical time when this happens. He is testing to see how far he can get before you start to bombard him with messages and calls. He is looking for attention.

Don't give it to him.

Original poster
Rosalee1 · 17/12/2023 15:31

Outliers · 17/12/2023 15:08

If you are in a mutually established relationship, may be worth trying to call? Or checking with a friend he's okay.

I tried to call on Saturday before sending a text, the call went straight to voicemail and he didn’t return it. He’s definitely okay though, as he has been active on his social media accounts. If I hadn’t seen that I would have been more confused/worried

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 17/12/2023 15:31

As pp said, it might not be a ghost. It might be a test to see if you'll chase. Or, if he reappears with some crap excuse (in a week to a few months) if you'll brush it under the table and take him back.

Original poster
Rosalee1 · 17/12/2023 15:32

JanuaryBug · 17/12/2023 15:26

He's not ghosting you, he's testing you. 3 months is the typical time when this happens. He is testing to see how far he can get before you start to bombard him with messages and calls. He is looking for attention.

Don't give it to him.

What a horrible thought. I won’t give him any more attention, this has really put me off him anyway, even if he suddenly reappeared trying to smooth things over I wouldn’t be interested.

We had a booking for somewhere today and he didn’t even have the decency to tell me it was off. I cancelled the booking anyway and don’t expect to hear from him to be honest

OP posts:
Ykn · 17/12/2023 15:33

Call him? Although he probably won't answer or will block you if he's ghosting.

Frasers · 17/12/2023 15:34

Ykn · 17/12/2023 15:33

Call him? Although he probably won't answer or will block you if he's ghosting.

You’ve called once, don’t call again op, it looks desperate.

I agree, shitty way to dump someone. You’ve dodged a bullet.

Ykn · 17/12/2023 15:37

Sorry - didn't see that you'd called him. Can you comment on his social media posts?

Or go and knock on his door?

I have been through this and it is so hurtful and cruel, cowardly too that they couldn't just be honest.

jhy · 17/12/2023 15:38

Honestly, it's hard to move on without answers and closure.

After 3 months unless it's very very causal, I'd expect some sort of explanation especially if this behaviour is out of the blue. Can you not round and ask him what is up?

Original poster
Rosalee1 · 17/12/2023 15:38

Pinkbonbon · 17/12/2023 15:31

As pp said, it might not be a ghost. It might be a test to see if you'll chase. Or, if he reappears with some crap excuse (in a week to a few months) if you'll brush it under the table and take him back.

I’m definitely won’t take him back if he tries to downplay it. I feel really disrespected, there’s no excuse to not even bother to let me know our plans were off, let alone ignoring me completely.

Going to spend a few days moping about it, then hopefully feel a bit better and enjoy Christmas.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 17/12/2023 15:39

Ps, alternative to not messaging is to message 'jeez you big girls blouse, if you don't want to date anymore you should just say. Honestly what is it with some people making dramatic exits to just for fun things 🙄'

That way you're saying 'you're a pussy AND I never took you seriously'. That'll drive him crazy as you are supposed to be going mad pining for him.

Then you block as soon as he reads it. So he can't reply. That'll piss him off even more.
Take back the power. Kick him where it hurts, right in his inflated ego.

littlebirdieblu · 17/12/2023 15:49

Pinkbonbon · 17/12/2023 15:39

Ps, alternative to not messaging is to message 'jeez you big girls blouse, if you don't want to date anymore you should just say. Honestly what is it with some people making dramatic exits to just for fun things 🙄'

That way you're saying 'you're a pussy AND I never took you seriously'. That'll drive him crazy as you are supposed to be going mad pining for him.

Then you block as soon as he reads it. So he can't reply. That'll piss him off even more.
Take back the power. Kick him where it hurts, right in his inflated ego.

Edited

Please do not do this OP. Just don't do anything, he's already ignored you. Don't message him again.

Pinkbonbon · 17/12/2023 16:06

Personally I wouldn't let him off that easy. They ghost because it keeps their life comfortable. Fuck letting them off comfortably.

WhenIsSpringg · 17/12/2023 16:09

Don’t give him the satisfaction of feeling so important.
Walk away gracefully with dignity in tact.

Some time from now, you’ll only remember him as that very low empathy guy who thankfully disappeared before you were able to find out how far his cruelty might extend.

Pluviophile1 · 17/12/2023 16:19

It must feel humiliating and hurtful, but the best 'revenge' for you is for him to think that you don't give a shit.

Any attempt from you to message him now will stroke his ego.

Don't contact him. Block his number and get on with your life.

One day you will look back, wonder what you saw in him, and know that you dodged a bullet with this fool.

Beaverbridge · 17/12/2023 16:25

He's an arse, don't message him. Go off the radar. Let him wonder what you're up to!

toooldforthisshite · 17/12/2023 16:26

I’m in the ‘don’t let him off lightly’ camp. If it was a few weeks, sure simply block and move on but 3months? Nah, let that fucker know just what an ugly character he has then block and move on.
im sick of seeking women being treated this way and having to take the moral high ground for appearances. Fuck that. Let rip at him for being so shitty.

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