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Original poster

Ghosted by BF of 3 months

53 replies

Rosalee1 · 17/12/2023 14:22

As the title says - looks like I’m being ghosted. We had plans to meet today, I messaged Friday morning to confirm and have been ignored since. Sent another message yesterday, has also been ignored (but delivered).

He hasn’t been in some sort of freak accident as he is posting on social media as per usual. My gut feeling tells me this is his way of ending it, and he’s too cowardly to do it properly.

Feels pretty dreadful; I haven’t been ghosted before. Does anyone have any tips here to retain my dignity and move on, and not feel too shit about it?

OP posts:
Gladrags1234 · 17/12/2023 16:34

There was a great thread which i can't find now, where a woman was dumped by text. Not quite the same, but posters cheered her on in her resolve not to contact him
Later on he even called her childish when he popped up out of the blue on text, and she didn't reply.

She ended up in a much happier relationship over the next year or so. She made an update thread.
Highly recommend you do the same!
Being ghosted or dumped by text is horrible but he doesn't deserve you!

autienotnaughty · 17/12/2023 16:40

Agree with other's don't contact him.

He's either dumping you and he's a coward - your better off without him

Or even worse he's testing you/putting you in your place so if he comes back you will be grateful- do not take him back in this instance you would be showing him you have a very low bar.

Pluviophile1 · 17/12/2023 16:50

Gladrags1234 · 17/12/2023 16:34

There was a great thread which i can't find now, where a woman was dumped by text. Not quite the same, but posters cheered her on in her resolve not to contact him
Later on he even called her childish when he popped up out of the blue on text, and she didn't reply.

She ended up in a much happier relationship over the next year or so. She made an update thread.
Highly recommend you do the same!
Being ghosted or dumped by text is horrible but he doesn't deserve you!

Years ago, I was dumped by email. It was a short (4 months) but really intense relationship and he had told me he loved me.
I happened to change my mobile number shortly after (coincidence). A couple of years later I received a 'Hey girl' message on FB saying he had been trying to text me and how about meeting up.
I read it (and he could see that I had) then I blocked him without replying. It felt good.

Beaverbridge · 17/12/2023 16:51

@Gladrags1234 Was it the one the OP went running in the rain?. If it was, it was quite magnificent, she played an absolute blinder.

instantick · 17/12/2023 16:52

he might be unwell

Pinkbonbon · 17/12/2023 16:52

Yes women are told 'save face' and say nothing for fear of 'appearing crazy'. It's essentially a covert way of telling us to put up and shut up - and making it seem like our own idea.

They've been dating for 3 months - Op has every right to go postal. She has nothing to be ashamed of. He's a coward behaving atrociously. The shame is his.

Why should they get to treat people shittily without recompense?

I agree that sometimes silence is the best response as they are expecting a reaction. But you don't have to take that route and there's no shame in calling them out..
or even, taking a little creative vengeance.

Who gives a fuck if they paint you as crazy! They're probably going to do that anyway so they can excuse their ghosting.

Fuck disappearing quietly. I'd give him a send off he'd never forget. Get creative with it.

Gladrags1234 · 17/12/2023 16:54

Beaverbridge · 17/12/2023 16:51

@Gladrags1234 Was it the one the OP went running in the rain?. If it was, it was quite magnificent, she played an absolute blinder.

It was. I've been trying to find it with no siccess. So much more powerful than kicking up a stink, in my view. She was amazing wasn't she?

Beaverbridge · 17/12/2023 17:22

@Gladrags1234 She really was truly amazing. I was so invested in her thread. I think he met a mutual friend and was asking about her. He couldn't believe she hadn't contacted him. Just brilliant.

Pluviophile1 · 17/12/2023 17:25

He's already shown a blatant disregard for the OP's feelings.

If someone is willing to do something as shitty as ghosting, then I doubt that someone 'going postal' over their behaviour is going to dissuade them from doing it in future, as satisfying as that would be for the OP.

It's not about saving face, it's more about not giving the shitbag the satisfaction of knowing you are bothered.

PixiePirate · 17/12/2023 17:36

I think he needs calling out on his shitty behaviour. It’s not ok to be in someone’s life for three months and then not even have the decency to say he’s not feeling it anymore. It’s rude.

I don’t think you need to go postal. In my opinion a simple two liner expressing your disappointment at his lack of respect and him not being the man you had thought him to be is more likely to make him reflect than a more aggressive message that will allow him to paint himself as the victim or you as crazy, op.

In my experience, people with big egos don’t tend to like their flaws being reflected back to them in a controlled and assertive way.

Snorkmaidenn · 17/12/2023 17:38

How did your relationship go previously? Did he show any red flags or was this a big surprise? I'm curious to know.

Pinkbonbon · 17/12/2023 17:53

Thats why you've gotta be smart about it. Do it in a way that hurts his ego.

Or sneak into his garden while he's asleep and superglue all his garden pots to his front step. Sure, it's petty. Being pretty is fun sometimes :)

Silverbirchtwo · 17/12/2023 17:58

Only three months and he's obviously decided against. I remember being dumped a bit like this (probably worse) just think great I dodged a bullet it was only going to get worse. He doesn't care you shouldn't care.

Original poster
Rosalee1 · 17/12/2023 18:35

Snorkmaidenn · 17/12/2023 17:38

How did your relationship go previously? Did he show any red flags or was this a big surprise? I'm curious to know.

Things were going well (or so I thought!). He planned regular dates, stayed in touch, I met some of his friends. Nothing which indicated he might suddenly ghost like this. The date we had planned today was his idea and on Thursday he was saying how much he was looking forward to it.

then Friday onwards - radio silence.

He has been active on social media most of the weekend, clearly just doesn’t give a shit about things between us and can’t be arsed to let me know.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosalee1 · 17/12/2023 18:37

I don’t think I’m going to send him another message, I know he won’t reply as his silence so far really speaks volumes. I might block him tomorrow. Half hoping he pops up so I can tell him to do one and THEN block. Really massively unimpressed by this all

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosalee1 · 17/12/2023 18:38

Feel like he isn’t worth my energy now he has treated me in such a shitty way. I know I’ll look back on this in a few weeks/months and think what a nasty piece of work

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosalee1 · 17/12/2023 18:40

Pinkbonbon · 17/12/2023 16:52

Yes women are told 'save face' and say nothing for fear of 'appearing crazy'. It's essentially a covert way of telling us to put up and shut up - and making it seem like our own idea.

They've been dating for 3 months - Op has every right to go postal. She has nothing to be ashamed of. He's a coward behaving atrociously. The shame is his.

Why should they get to treat people shittily without recompense?

I agree that sometimes silence is the best response as they are expecting a reaction. But you don't have to take that route and there's no shame in calling them out..
or even, taking a little creative vengeance.

Who gives a fuck if they paint you as crazy! They're probably going to do that anyway so they can excuse their ghosting.

Fuck disappearing quietly. I'd give him a send off he'd never forget. Get creative with it.

Edited

I can see the temptation to do this. I think if I message him before blocking it’ll be very brief, just letting him know I expected more and hopefully he learns to be less of an arsehole to women in the future

OP posts:
samestyle · 17/12/2023 18:41

Silence is best, don't feed his ego that he's worth being upset over, perhaps he didn't want to formally end it has he wants to keep you as a back up option, I wouldn't block either but most definitely ignore if comes back.

AllAroundMyCat · 17/12/2023 18:41

I more texts and move on.

Sorry that this has happened to you.

Gcsunnyside23 · 17/12/2023 20:03

That's awful, but take it as a gift that you know now what he's like before you waste any more time on him

BCBird · 17/12/2023 20:08

I was dumped after nearly 2 and h years over the phone. I.remember thinking silence will be my weapon. I would not contact the ass wipe.

IncompleteSenten · 17/12/2023 20:12

Likely to be hedging his bets ime.

Sniffing around someone else but if she doesn't pan out he can come back to you with some bullshit about having being busy and hopefully get a few more shags out of you over Christmas and new year.

Opentooffers · 17/12/2023 20:21

First block him on all SM - so you don't get tempted again to see what activity he's doing. Then 24 hours later, block his number in your phone. That is the best reply and gives him as much of an FY as you can.

Indifferentchickenwings · 17/12/2023 20:40

When someone does this I tend to delete them and block them on social media

so they disappear from my line of vision
its easier to forget

you don’t need to see that cunts updates x

yeah you could send a message calling on the shit behaviour - but it’s kind of a waste of time

ghosters arnt happy people
deep down they know they are avoidant chicken shit

EasternStandard · 17/12/2023 20:44

That’s harsh sorry you’ve been treated badly

Any chasing or telling him he’s an idiot will likely give more satisfaction