How long do you wait for a guy

[Mugofgin]

I meet a guy at a mutual friends party. We instantly clicked and have very similar backgrounds of being cheated on and having young children. Our mutual friends all think we would be good together.
we messaged a bit together and he seemed keen. However he has been seeing someone for the last few months. I messaged him to say I did really like him but we probably shouldn’t be messaging so much as long as he had a girlfriend. He said “fair enough point taken. Would be keen to catch up for a proper talk at some stage though”. I said “sounds good”. That was 3 weeks ago and there has been no contact between us. Should I message him? What should I say? Was I abit quick and harsh to say we shouldn’t be messaging while he had a girlfriend

Top tip: the fact your ex cheated on you shouldn’t be coming up in the conversation until you’ve actually gotten to know the guy - over many dates. Otherwise you’ll attract piss takers like this.

Find connections that are based on the positives in your life - your interests, things that make you happy. You do not want to bond over shared trauma. It’s not a great basis for relationship success.

@GreyCarpet is right that absolutely zero men (who aren’t in openly polyamarous relationships - and you’d know because they’d have told you all about their poly lifestyle etc) meet a woman at a party and start messaging them about their ‘connection’ and tell their girlfriends about this.

Pp is bang on the money. Bonding over past trauma is not a good base for a healthy relationship.

Especially about an ex treating you badly as you should NEVER tell a new squeeze that. They hear 'I have had poor boundaries and may still'. If they're prone to treating people shaudily they'll see you as an easy mark.

through mutual friends we both knew each other’s backgrounds before we even meet.
none of our paths have crossed previously but since I have met his ex wife and vice versa which is rather ironic. It’s bizarre we have never met prior. I actually live 3 hours away from him as have relocated.
I don’t think he way prying on my vulnerability. He has his kids 50/50 and works full time, I have mine 12/14 so nothings is going to happen affair wise and as I have told him we shouldn’t be messaging as long as he has a girlfriend. Although he left the conversation with “would be keen to have a proper talk sometime though” I guess that was just his way of keeping his option open if need be.