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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone just get bored of lying in bed alone

43 replies

wishingwells · 13/12/2023 23:36

Same thing different night partner is on the couch watching YouTube i am lying in bed wondering why he doesn't just come to bed and maybe even have some us time which never happens these days, we hardly talk he is just always watching his phone what is so good on YouTube? We have sex about once a month if that Im getting really frustrated with it if I am honest no attention what so ever just lying here ALONE again

OP posts:
blackfluffycat · 13/12/2023 23:38

My husband works away but when he's home he sleeps on the sofa 😣

Original poster
wishingwells · 13/12/2023 23:42

blackfluffycat · 13/12/2023 23:38

My husband works away but when he's home he sleeps on the sofa 😣

Whyyy? Why do they do it!

OP posts:
NightTimeRain · 13/12/2023 23:42

Been alone in bed for 7 years but I’m single so different story 😂

SamW98 · 13/12/2023 23:42

Been single a while and I love having my bed to myself.

I can’t imagine ever wanting to share with a man again

bracemyselfagain · 13/12/2023 23:44

Personally I love it.
I feel comfortable & free :) :) :)
I lived alone for soooo many years before meeting DP & having children though - highly likely to be the reason why.

Original poster
wishingwells · 13/12/2023 23:44

NightTimeRain · 13/12/2023 23:42

Been alone in bed for 7 years but I’m single so different story 😂

I think I'd rather be single that knowing he's just lying on the sofa no interest in me or coming to bed he's barely here as it is he works all day back when the kids are ready for bed then us... well we hardly even talk never mind anything else I'm just sick of it now

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 13/12/2023 23:46

Can't you go downstairs and make a move on him?

Original poster
wishingwells · 13/12/2023 23:48

Ablondiebutagoody · 13/12/2023 23:46

Can't you go downstairs and make a move on him?

To be honest I wouldn't know where to start it's never been like that ever, always when he's in the mood never the other way around I'd just feel totally stupid would probably get turned down or a quick hug I can't even imagine his reaction it's that boring 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 13/12/2023 23:53

How long have you been together? I think that you need to participate in your own rescue rather than just passively wait for him. Worth a try at least. Its getting a bit late tonight but maybe text him sometime fruity sometime?

Original poster
wishingwells · 13/12/2023 23:58

Ablondiebutagoody · 13/12/2023 23:53

How long have you been together? I think that you need to participate in your own rescue rather than just passively wait for him. Worth a try at least. Its getting a bit late tonight but maybe text him sometime fruity sometime?

Been together 5 years, I just feel sometimes he just really wouldn't be interested and either he would feel awkward because he doesn't want to or id get turned. Down , just horrible feeling he takes tablets sometimes too... has his own personal problems but then I feel that's down to me to maybe I just don't do it for him it's a horrible feeling I just wait like an idiot

OP posts:
Greezynogreasy · 14/12/2023 00:01

I live being in bed alone, but then, dp and I live 100 miles apart which is great !

If you feel lonely in the presence of your partner, it’s time to call it quits.

Greezynogreasy · 14/12/2023 00:02

Love, not live*

JamSandle · 14/12/2023 00:02

I love having the bed to myself!

Original poster
wishingwells · 14/12/2023 00:03

Greezynogreasy · 14/12/2023 00:01

I live being in bed alone, but then, dp and I live 100 miles apart which is great !

If you feel lonely in the presence of your partner, it’s time to call it quits.

It's not even being in bed alone that bothers me it's just to point he clearly doesn't want to come to bed and believe me I'm starting to think that myself I shouldnt feel like this at all

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 14/12/2023 00:11

This is not great after only 5 years. Has he always worked long hours? What happens at the weekends?

Original poster
wishingwells · 14/12/2023 00:14

Opentooffers · 14/12/2023 00:11

This is not great after only 5 years. Has he always worked long hours? What happens at the weekends?

Weekends, he works Saturdays, do the same on the evening as we do in the week, and a Sunday is his day off but he will still find a reason to go to work maybe the 1 Sunday a month he will spend at home but every night without doubt is the same, can't even remember the last time we went out together even to a shop !

OP posts:
Cloverforever · 14/12/2023 00:22

wishingwells · 14/12/2023 00:14

Weekends, he works Saturdays, do the same on the evening as we do in the week, and a Sunday is his day off but he will still find a reason to go to work maybe the 1 Sunday a month he will spend at home but every night without doubt is the same, can't even remember the last time we went out together even to a shop !

Show quote history

Why do you stay? There's much more to life than this.

Original poster
wishingwells · 14/12/2023 00:26

@Cloverforever I really don't know and when I type it out I even know I sounds so stupid for being in a relationship like this, your meant to feel yourself around your partner but I just don't not anymore feel like I tread on eggshells trying to make him happy when I'm not even happy myself we have a DD she is nearly 2 and she does love her dad so much and I just know that if he was to leave he would really be so spiteful I have tears pouring down my face right now because I know this is all just a mess really

OP posts:
scoobydoo1971 · 14/12/2023 00:30

I love my bed, but it is hard to have alone time (even while single). This is due to unexpected visits from cats, dogs, teenagers...

Catoo · 14/12/2023 00:39

Sorry OP. This sounds miserable.

You need to have a chat with him about how you move forward because there should be more to your relationship than this. Maybe you’ll find a way together. Maybe you’ll go separate ways.

Before this I would get myself prepared and speak with a solicitor. Perhaps after Christmas?

Imagine a loving home for you and DC where you never have to tread on eggshells again. You will be happy again. Take it step by step and you’ll get there.

💐

Thenewmags · 14/12/2023 00:40

How long has he been like this OP? Your kid is 2 so I’m assuming things haven’t been like this for longer than 2-3 years? Did things change immediately after child birth ?

I was with a guy like this and it made me quite sad & unwanted basically! He would come to bed but then he’d turn his back and ignore me and say how tired he was . Considering we mainly only saw each other at the weekend I felt it just wasn’t good enough. I could tell he had lost interest in me and I ended it quite soon after this. but you have a child with this man so I appreciate it’s not the same.

I think you should raise the subject with him and see what he has to say. And if he denies the distance between you or shuts you down like my ex did, it’s not a great sign

MariaLuna · 14/12/2023 00:42

^Been single a while and I love having my bed to myself.

I can’t imagine ever wanting to share with a man again^

Me too.

Having a bed for me myself and I is utter bliss. I can come and go when I want.

suki1964 · 14/12/2023 00:50

My husband probably feels the same, only we have been married 33 years and Im post menopause and tbh I cant be arsed :)

On top of that Im also an insomniac , a carer, and work part time. Staying up is me time :)

Im guessing you are a tad younger then me and still want an active sex life? So why arent you taking the bull by the horns and coming onto him? Its a two way street, men need to feel desired as well

My old man always knew when I was in the mood, the stockings went on, and I was over him like a rash and many a morning he went to work with a smile on his face :)

Coolstorysis · 14/12/2023 01:10

Do you ever have a laugh together? Because it sounds miserable, been there.

DC1888 · 14/12/2023 01:13

Sorry you are upset OP. Any of us would be. You do need to talk to him about this situation as its not good enough. To paraphrase what is often said on here... don't be a passenger in your own life. You deserve better than this.

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