Page 2 | Anyone have any experience of dating in Italy

Ladolcevita233 · 2023-12-13T14:59:11+00:00

Going to Rome for a placement, would like to date while I'm there; does anyone have any experience of dating in Italy? If so, which do you think are the best apps/sites, particularly for a 40 something? Any tips or warnings? (I can't find a dating section of the site, sorry if this isn't the right place).

Original poster

Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 18:03

Justleaveitblankthen · 13/12/2023 17:34

Which part of Italy are you going to? Like others say, there is a difference between Cool Milanese and hot blooded Siciliani 🌶️
Bitch face or no, you will be flirted with throughout.
Sit on a public bench and wait a little while. They are always watching and waiting 😎
Viva Italia!

That chilli reminds me of a stay in Thailand when the guy who worked in the beach bungalows I was staying at gave me a lift on his moped back from the nearest village and said "you know, we Thai men are small but we're hot like chilli!".

I was like "thanks for lift"🏃

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JanefromLondon1 · 13/12/2023 18:06

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Original poster

Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 18:09

EmpressSoleil · 13/12/2023 18:01

Watch out for their mothers! That was my biggest issue when I dated an Italian man. We were both in our 30s yet he still lived at home and she waited on him hand and foot. She made her dislike of me well known. I didn't actually do anything wrong, but I suspect no one was good enough for her prince 🙄whenever she called he'd go running. I've heard this is not unique to just him and is common in Italy.

On the positive side he was a good guy (apart from the whole mother thing) and there was no game playing which I find common in British men. He was also quite romantic.

It's not a long placement so I doubt I'd be getting to mama meeting point.

The rest of the stuff you've said is nice to hear though.

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Original poster

Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 18:12

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Ah, so they weren't staying there on their own.

And he was drugging them!

Sounds like a right psychopath.

Yes, people wrongly think police and armed forces (and even legal professionals) are trustworthy and have integrity; wrong in many cases.

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Original poster

Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 18:14

TheCadoganArms · 13/12/2023 18:02

My sister spent a lot of time in Italy with work and to be honest she found the general attitude of Italian men when it came to flirting/dating incredibly entitled to the point of harassment. Polite 'no thank you's' when approached in a bar or on the street were ignored and seen as just part of the game. When it finally dawned on some men that they had indeed been rejected verbal abuse usually followed.

Uuugh.

Starting to worry about the culture now.

But then some men seem to abuse women if they reject them in every culture, I suppose.

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Dery · 13/12/2023 18:17

Tbh, I’m not sure any woman in the UK assumes a man is safe because he’s a policeman - not any more.

But good luck, OP - sounds like you should have a fun time and you know to look out for yourself.

Gwenhwyfar · 13/12/2023 20:15

Rania78 · 13/12/2023 15:18

@Ladolcevita233 no I don’t consider myself stunning. Italian men are very flirty 😁

Not with me. I am quite ugly, but this proves they don't flirt with everyone.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/12/2023 20:17

TheCadoganArms · 13/12/2023 18:02

My sister spent a lot of time in Italy with work and to be honest she found the general attitude of Italian men when it came to flirting/dating incredibly entitled to the point of harassment. Polite 'no thank you's' when approached in a bar or on the street were ignored and seen as just part of the game. When it finally dawned on some men that they had indeed been rejected verbal abuse usually followed.

I didn't find that at all. I speak Italian though, which helps. You're not a 'foreigner' and can graciously but firmly shut it down. But graciously is the key. Italians don't like the idea that you are unable to be friendly. Closest example in the UK is probably Liverpool. Fine to laugh and say no nicely. But be cold and grumpy and you'll hear about it. Grazie ma no grazie!

I've had far worse rejection reactions from British men. They typically don't have the Madonna part of the Madonna/whore dynamic. And they drink more! So their filters aren't there.

Yes, it is a lot. But if you can embrace that it's a cultural difference it's not scary or predatory. Same in Cuba, same in many places. People talk to each other a LOT. I once had a wrong number which turned in a half hour chat because she clocked the accent. It's not just men, everyone chats to everyone.

alwaysthinkingaboutfood31 · 13/12/2023 20:21

I live in Italy (in the north!) and am constantly regaled with British friend’s dating misadventures. In general, she’s found that men here are more immature, it’s very common to still be living home at 30 for example. They’re also quite reserved on dates, with not a huge amount of flirting (but that might be more of a northern thing). She uses Tinder.

Original poster

Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 20:28

alwaysthinkingaboutfood31 · 13/12/2023 20:21

I live in Italy (in the north!) and am constantly regaled with British friend’s dating misadventures. In general, she’s found that men here are more immature, it’s very common to still be living home at 30 for example. They’re also quite reserved on dates, with not a huge amount of flirting (but that might be more of a northern thing). She uses Tinder.

I can imagine that about Northern people. It seems culturally somewhat different.

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Original poster

Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 20:34

People talk to each other a LOT. I once had a wrong number which turned in a half hour chat because she clocked the accent. It's not just men, everyone chats to everyone.

Yes, I noticed that when I spent 20-25 mins in a small hardware store in Venice waiting to buy mossie repellant while the owners chatted to fellow Venetians at length. I was on the verge of just putting random money on the counter & leaving with the repellent when they finally served me.

In other ways that culture suits me though - I go to do a few errands in town and spend about two hours chatting to random people, shop workers etc.

But the language barrier would be an issue - it is common for 30/40 something Italians to speak fluent English? Or will I struggle to date & socialise due to the language thing?

I'm not bad at languages but they take time.

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DartmoorPearl · 13/12/2023 20:45

I think if I was dating in a new culture or country (whatever it was) I'd stick to MY boundaries rather than let the guy set the pace.

If I said I needed a tour guide, then they might suggest something dodgy or random or somewhere I couldn't get home from alone.

Vulnerable situation all around!

So have an idea of mainstream bars or going out areas, google the location, meet in public, city centre, ready to pay your half, and don't let him know where your hotel is or what your exact itinerary is..This will weed out any chancers as well.

I don't think you can generalise about a whole culture - unfortunately every social system has predators looking for Vulnerable people. Just screen.

(I'm sure Princess Beatrice's bloke doesn't hang around with a rose between his teeth blowing kisses at women! There probably will be a demographic of some cosmopolitan guys who have studied or worked in the UK looking to meet international people)

(Obviously if you meet and hit it off and good vibes then fine! But just thinking about safety).

TellySavalashairbrush · 13/12/2023 20:52

Having been married to an Italian for decades , I’d say don’t believe all the hype. The accent and romanticism rapidly wears off and one friend of mine also married to an Italian man, put it beautifully when she said ‘if they could shag their mothers, there would be no use for us at all!’

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/12/2023 21:16

TellySavalashairbrush · 13/12/2023 20:52

Having been married to an Italian for decades , I’d say don’t believe all the hype. The accent and romanticism rapidly wears off and one friend of mine also married to an Italian man, put it beautifully when she said ‘if they could shag their mothers, there would be no use for us at all!’

That made me LOL.

I have warned a lot of women that everyone will seem sophisticated, handsome and interesting in the first six months. But after you get your eye in, not as much!

Being a blonde I went from a 6 in the UK to an 8. I'd imagine that wears off for them very quickly too!

The language thing, learn as well as you can, as quickly as you can. Obviously everywhere is like that but especially Italy. It's a different place if you speak Italian. Most of the 30/40 yo men will speak English, but when you can talk to older people around you there's a level of respect. I found men treated me better when I could talk to mama or especially nonna. Mad props.

QueSyrahSyrah · 13/12/2023 21:20

Both of my friends from Rome (Roman friends??) are married to non-Italian Men, so I'm not sure what that tells us about the quality of the dating pool there

Deathbyfluffy · 13/12/2023 21:22

ratstsae · 13/12/2023 15:11

British men flirt? I thought they just got drunk and launched themselves at you?

Show quote history

That probably says more about you and the places you hang out than anything else 😅

Original poster

Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 21:45

DartmoorPearl · 13/12/2023 20:45

I think if I was dating in a new culture or country (whatever it was) I'd stick to MY boundaries rather than let the guy set the pace.

If I said I needed a tour guide, then they might suggest something dodgy or random or somewhere I couldn't get home from alone.

Vulnerable situation all around!

So have an idea of mainstream bars or going out areas, google the location, meet in public, city centre, ready to pay your half, and don't let him know where your hotel is or what your exact itinerary is..This will weed out any chancers as well.

I don't think you can generalise about a whole culture - unfortunately every social system has predators looking for Vulnerable people. Just screen.

(I'm sure Princess Beatrice's bloke doesn't hang around with a rose between his teeth blowing kisses at women! There probably will be a demographic of some cosmopolitan guys who have studied or worked in the UK looking to meet international people)

(Obviously if you meet and hit it off and good vibes then fine! But just thinking about safety).

Definitely, safety is a priority.

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Original poster

Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 21:46

QueSyrahSyrah · 13/12/2023 21:20

Both of my friends from Rome (Roman friends??) are married to non-Italian Men, so I'm not sure what that tells us about the quality of the dating pool there

Oh great lol

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Original poster

Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 21:51

TellySavalashairbrush · 13/12/2023 20:52

Having been married to an Italian for decades , I’d say don’t believe all the hype. The accent and romanticism rapidly wears off and one friend of mine also married to an Italian man, put it beautifully when she said ‘if they could shag their mothers, there would be no use for us at all!’

Wow.

There's just something not quite right in that culture.

Not that it's particular to only there.

Look at the mil threads on here.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 13/12/2023 21:57

There's just something not quite right in that culture.

I would NOT go there with that attitude. The reason we travel and move somewhere else isn't to judge other cultures, it's to understand and appreciate them. There is MUCH more to love in Italy than judge. There are things you absolutely have to adapt to, but that's your issue, not theirs.

Original poster

Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 22:11

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/12/2023 21:57

There's just something not quite right in that culture.

I would NOT go there with that attitude. The reason we travel and move somewhere else isn't to judge other cultures, it's to understand and appreciate them. There is MUCH more to love in Italy than judge. There are things you absolutely have to adapt to, but that's your issue, not theirs.

You underestimate the politeness & diplomacy of the Irish/Northern Irish lol. No matter what I thought I'd be polite and respectful and not let anything be obvious. I've lived in the US, West Africa, Far East and Middle East; and I know how to go with the flow and keep my mouth shut.

Anyway I maintain that there is something wrong with cultures where men are so enmeshed with their mothers (and where women feel the need to be so domineering in the domestic/family realm).

Do the mothers fear loss of control or relevancy?
Is that because they aren't valued for anything other than looks, then domestic services & nurturing? (I don't know if these are some of the answers, I'm just speculating).

Training men to expect women to everything for them is not healthy either.

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brokenhairclips · 13/12/2023 22:40

Italy is another world when it comes to family relationships.
You will notice the difference in how men and women interact regarding flirting/ chivalry etc but family dynamics, especially regarding men age 30/40 are very different and it's best to go in with the idea of things are different, not better or worse than anywhere else.

On a population level, (obviously you may find the odd exception, I haven't in decades,) there's no such thing as not seeing your parents. No concept of going low or no contact. Italians don't tend to move from where they are born, unless in extreme circumstances to find work or those who go abroad to work study.
If they have to move it's seen as a necessary evil. This means most of them are generally close enough to their parents to eat together minimum once a week .
Mums in particular are on a pedestal. They keep the family together.

I'd say have fun, keep safe, enjoy the best of what Italy has to offer.
Being independent and capable of doing everything single thing without relying on anyone else is seen as desirable in the UK. We train our children to leave the nest and if they meet a partner this nuclear family is the absolute priority. Italy doesn't work like that, but if you are only dating for a short time this won't affect you.

Indifferentchickenwings · 13/12/2023 23:02

try Tinder to start with
its global !
but me and my friend have used it in italy

and then proceed as you would …

Indifferentchickenwings · 13/12/2023 23:09

And learn the language
otherwise it’s going to be a struggle unless you find someone who speaks good English

love italy 🇮🇹 - my kids are half Italian
despite my ex 😂

Ragamuffin8 · 13/12/2023 23:20

Hi,

I lived in Italy in my late 30s. I recommend signing up to local Meetup groups in your area. I joined a book club, brunch club, language exchange, and expat/locals mixer group. There’s often tons of activities/interests to suit, or you can set up your own group! I also did 1:1 language exchanges via a dedicated language site. These were lovely ways to meet people (male & female), make friends and learn more about the language & culture in a non pressurised way. Some of these encounters can sometimes lead to dates/relationships and you get to know someone a bit first.