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Original poster

Anyone have any experience of dating in Italy

51 replies

Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 14:59

Going to Rome for a placement, would like to date while I'm there; does anyone have any experience of dating in Italy?

If so, which do you think are the best apps/sites, particularly for a 40 something?

Any tips or warnings?

(I can't find a dating section of the site, sorry if this isn't the right place).

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 15:00

(I'm thinking of apps because it might take a while to get to know people to socialise with, not sure what the bar culture is like there anyway).

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 15:05

Also, in general, do you think there might actually be many unattached/divorced 40 something men?

Is divorce common - I'm wondering if it might be quite a conservative culture where people stay married even it's not great.

I'd like to meet genuinely single men, not attached men posing as single.

OP posts:
Rania78 · 13/12/2023 15:07

You don’t need an app. You just walk on the street and men come on to you and constantly hear “Bella! Bella!”. Italy is the place to be for an ego boost 😄. I have to say that in the UK I felt invisible for years, then I realised that the way British men flirt is conpletely different.

Melassa · 13/12/2023 15:10

Tinder is available in here too (I’m in Italy). My friend uses it and it adjusts to whatever city she’s in. Plenty of men on there. Many just up for no ties shags. Some attached but you can tell those as they never put a picture up. Do you speak Italian?

Divorce is normal in Italy, has been for decades. We’ve moved on from the 70s!

ratstsae · 13/12/2023 15:11

Rania78 · 13/12/2023 15:07

You don’t need an app. You just walk on the street and men come on to you and constantly hear “Bella! Bella!”. Italy is the place to be for an ego boost 😄. I have to say that in the UK I felt invisible for years, then I realised that the way British men flirt is conpletely different.

British men flirt? I thought they just got drunk and launched themselves at you?

Original poster
Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 15:14

Rania78 · 13/12/2023 15:07

You don’t need an app. You just walk on the street and men come on to you and constantly hear “Bella! Bella!”. Italy is the place to be for an ego boost 😄. I have to say that in the UK I felt invisible for years, then I realised that the way British men flirt is conpletely different.

Maybe you're stunning!

OP posts:
ratstsae · 13/12/2023 15:14

My friend met her husband in Italy, we all thought he a lothario type but 20 years later they are still together and very happy. My aunt was engaged to an Italian man and the plan was to got back to Italy after the marriage but after a long visit she broke off the engagement as he refused to remain in the UK and in Italy she felt the culture was very repressive for her and he acted very macho and controlling while he was fine in the UK. I'd hope things are different now.

Rania78 · 13/12/2023 15:18

@Ladolcevita233 no I don’t consider myself stunning. Italian men are very flirty 😁

Original poster
Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 15:20

Melassa · 13/12/2023 15:10

Tinder is available in here too (I’m in Italy). My friend uses it and it adjusts to whatever city she’s in. Plenty of men on there. Many just up for no ties shags. Some attached but you can tell those as they never put a picture up. Do you speak Italian?

Divorce is normal in Italy, has been for decades. We’ve moved on from the 70s!

Ok, I'll watch out for the photo less ones.

Very little (Italian) but I'll be learning it.

Good to hear re divorce (that doesn't sound great, I know) - it's just I'd really rather not be an accessory to cheating; it would be great if there are some actual single men.

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Original poster
Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 15:21

in Italy she felt the culture was very repressive for her and he acted very macho and controlling while he was fine in the UK.

Yes, I worried about that a bit. That would clash with my personality.

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Rania78 · 13/12/2023 15:23

@ratstsae i don’t know. I am Meditteranean and for many years I took their shyness and reserveness as lack of interest. Then I realised that they show it differently but you need to do much of the work to make them open up. 😄
Don’t know about throwing themselves onto you when drunk. Hasn’t happened to me. I got more the “errr…if you want…errr If you find the time…eerr maybe we could …grab a coffee or a drink errr sometime?”. And then blushing. Which is quite cute and a refreshment from Med men who are really direct and to the point.

Original poster
Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 15:28

Rania78 · 13/12/2023 15:23

@ratstsae i don’t know. I am Meditteranean and for many years I took their shyness and reserveness as lack of interest. Then I realised that they show it differently but you need to do much of the work to make them open up. 😄
Don’t know about throwing themselves onto you when drunk. Hasn’t happened to me. I got more the “errr…if you want…errr If you find the time…eerr maybe we could …grab a coffee or a drink errr sometime?”. And then blushing. Which is quite cute and a refreshment from Med men who are really direct and to the point.

Edited

I'm from NI and men from other countries' behaviour was a shock to the system when I encountered it.

The thing is, being used to British/NI behaviour (NI is probably even more reserved and sheepish) - I automatically think men who come onto you without knowing you are players and "any hole is a goal" with them, which males me run.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 15:31

Rania78 · 13/12/2023 15:18

@Ladolcevita233 no I don’t consider myself stunning. Italian men are very flirty 😁

That's good, I think.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 13/12/2023 15:31

Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 15:21

in Italy she felt the culture was very repressive for her and he acted very macho and controlling while he was fine in the UK.

Yes, I worried about that a bit. That would clash with my personality.

It depends on where you are as well. Milan is different to Sicily! IME the cliche about Italian men and their mothers is true in many cases. Culture is very important, so is language.

And you do not have to be stunning to be flirted with. Italian men are charming and flirtatious to my mum in her 80s. When she breaks out her Italian they faux-swoon.

I think if you struggle with some of the aspects, it's worth remembering that there is a difference between mostly benign sexism, and the misogyny that infects so many 'progressive' places.

Original poster
Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 15:38

And you do not have to be stunning to be flirted with. Italian men are charming and flirtatious to my mum in her 80s. When she breaks out her Italian they faux-swoon

Aww, how lovely.

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Rania78 · 13/12/2023 15:41

@Ladolcevita233 it’s a cultural difference. For me for many years it was like, If a man likes you he will come and show it to you clearly and be quite direct. That’s why I thought about the British that they just don’t like me, I ‘m not their type. But then I realised that they just approach differently and I actually now do like this politeness, shyness and genteman behaviour. I find it really cute.

Original poster
Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 15:45

The problem with the street pickup thing is that (on top of the off-putting assumption that they're indiscriminate players!) I have the worst case of resting bitch face ever, and am actually v shy; causing me get freaked out and be evasive - which comes across as totally disinterested. I've successfully (and not always intentionally) repelled probably hundreds of men 😣.

At least on apps they'd know I was interested enough to swipe on them/contact them.

OP posts:
Newphony · 13/12/2023 17:06

Goodness your brave. Rather you than me!😊

Original poster
Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 17:12

Newphony · 13/12/2023 17:06

Goodness your brave. Rather you than me!😊

For trying to date in Italy?

OP posts:
Justleaveitblankthen · 13/12/2023 17:34

Which part of Italy are you going to? Like others say, there is a difference between Cool Milanese and hot blooded Siciliani 🌶️
Bitch face or no, you will be flirted with throughout.
Sit on a public bench and wait a little while. They are always watching and waiting 😎
Viva Italia!

JanefromLondon1 · 13/12/2023 17:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

Original poster
Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 17:53

Justleaveitblankthen · 13/12/2023 17:34

Which part of Italy are you going to? Like others say, there is a difference between Cool Milanese and hot blooded Siciliani 🌶️
Bitch face or no, you will be flirted with throughout.
Sit on a public bench and wait a little while. They are always watching and waiting 😎
Viva Italia!

Rome.

Yeah I read a travelog by some young women who travelled in Sicily and they seemed to get a lot of attention.

Always watching and waiting lol. Sounds a bit predatory 😣

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Original poster
Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 17:57

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

Are they pretending to be policemen so women think they're trustworthy, or because a lot of people have a thing about men in police etc uniforms (or both?).

The sofa surfing thing ... Surely even young, inexperienced women wouldn't feel totally safe sofa surfing in a single man's home (even if they said they were in the police) ... Did they really think it was a good idea to stay on their own with single men? I'm not blaming them, it's just that most women my age would have been very cautious about a situation like that even when young. And if we'd told our family, they'd have been "No!".

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EmpressSoleil · 13/12/2023 18:01

Watch out for their mothers! That was my biggest issue when I dated an Italian man. We were both in our 30s yet he still lived at home and she waited on him hand and foot. She made her dislike of me well known. I didn't actually do anything wrong, but I suspect no one was good enough for her prince 🙄whenever she called he'd go running. I've heard this is not unique to just him and is common in Italy.

On the positive side he was a good guy (apart from the whole mother thing) and there was no game playing which I find common in British men. He was also quite romantic.

TheCadoganArms · 13/12/2023 18:02

My sister spent a lot of time in Italy with work and to be honest she found the general attitude of Italian men when it came to flirting/dating incredibly entitled to the point of harassment. Polite 'no thank you's' when approached in a bar or on the street were ignored and seen as just part of the game. When it finally dawned on some men that they had indeed been rejected verbal abuse usually followed.