Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

FaceTime etiquette

37 replies

Olivegardenishome · 12/12/2023 20:54

I’m not sure if I’m over reacting here, but Dh has annoyed me a few times now over the same issue.

When he FaceTimes his family members (in another country) he always shows off our house. This happens probably once or twice a month, so not overly frequent but enough.

I cringe because a) it’s nothing special and b) it’s lived in and usually messy. He nor our children ever pick up after themselves so there’s usually clutter everywhere that I’m too exhausted to always pick up after on a daily basis. I like to have a deep clean and tidy up on a Saturday.

He never fucking FaceTimes them when the house is tidy though does he? He literally only ever does it when the house is looking its worst.

Anyway, the above isn’t actually my issue!

My problem is, there’s been a couple of times where I’ve been relaxing after work or very early Saturday mornings (5am early) in my own bed in my pjs where he’s decided it’d be the perfect opportunity to FaceTime his family or friends and show me in the background.

Yesterday I finally snapped. After report writing, end of term and Christmas activities, juggling our own children’s lives and activities, working, feeling unwell with some flu type thing, I decided to get into bed and relax very early in the evening. The kids were all in their rooms happy, full tummy’s and relaxing. He decided it was the perfect time to FaceTime his parents and their work colleagues for a tour of our house, thus showing me in bed early in the evening with tissues up my nose and on my laptop sorting work stuff out. House a mess, because you know, instead of picking up after himself or helping he decides to FaceTime people instead. So I’m looking like a lazy slob, yet again, to his parents and people I do not even know.

I told him it’s humiliating when he does this. I’ve told him before. He just says “sorry I didn’t think”. He’s a fucking 50 year old man who doesn’t fucking think.

Am I seriously overreacting? Or is he secretly doing this to make me look like a lazy slob to his family and humiliate me? The issue is them not seeing the house untidy because I’m not bothered about that, but me always being on FaceTime when I’m looking my worst just trying to relax. 95% of my life I’m in regular clothes and not in bed, so why does he choose that 5%, it can’t be coincidence?

OP posts:
floorprotector · 12/12/2023 21:00

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

floorprotector · 12/12/2023 21:03

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

Original poster
Olivegardenishome · 12/12/2023 21:04

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

In total he’s done this about 20 times over a 2 year period. Not just with his parents but with his friends, old boss, siblings, his parents colleagues….

No, his parents have not seen the house in person. As explained, we live abroad and they don’t like flying.

OP posts:
QueSyrahSyrah · 12/12/2023 21:08

My DH doesn't take them on a tour of the house, but we have had words in the past about when is and is not appropriate to answer a FaceTime call and it is not when we're in bed / in scruffs on the sofa / fresh out of the shower etc so you have my sympathy.

He's got much better, but still doesn't always think about where he is when answering and the fact that FaceTime is almost always much louder / more annoying to bystanders than a normal phone call. (Most recently on a hotel balcony in a very quiet resort so all and sundry could hear both him and his Mum's halves of the conversation while they were trying to relax Confused).

Original poster
Olivegardenishome · 12/12/2023 21:10

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

Yes. We have 8 children as we foster. I work full time as a teacher and cannot physically pick up everything and tidy up everything all the time. When I say shithole, I mean clutter everywhere like clean laundry piles, dirty plates, kids toys…. But irrelevant as I specifically said that’s not the issue. The issue is he seems to deliberately pick moments I’m looking my worse to FaceTime people. Like last night he knew I was unwell, I had tissues stuck up my nose as it’s running constantly. I was in my bed by 6pm, albeit working. He decided that’s the perfect moment to FaceTime his mum while she was at work to give her and her work colleagues a grand tour of our house and shove the camera at me to show me in bed. Just annoying as it’s followed by his mum’s sarcastic comments “get out of bed, what’s she doing in bed” and all her colleagues saying “I wish I could go to bed at 6pm”…. Like why not just do his house tour and not show me? He’s deliberately trying to make me look lazy.

OP posts:
floorprotector · 12/12/2023 21:11

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

Original poster
Olivegardenishome · 12/12/2023 21:12

QueSyrahSyrah · 12/12/2023 21:08

My DH doesn't take them on a tour of the house, but we have had words in the past about when is and is not appropriate to answer a FaceTime call and it is not when we're in bed / in scruffs on the sofa / fresh out of the shower etc so you have my sympathy.

He's got much better, but still doesn't always think about where he is when answering and the fact that FaceTime is almost always much louder / more annoying to bystanders than a normal phone call. (Most recently on a hotel balcony in a very quiet resort so all and sundry could hear both him and his Mum's halves of the conversation while they were trying to relax Confused).

Thank you for the sympathy and understanding as the other responses have been not so much.

He’s caught me just out the shower before too on FaceTime where I’ve literally had to quickly snap a towel around myself in order to not be exposed to his sister.

I just would never do that to him. Ever :-(

OP posts:
Original poster
Olivegardenishome · 12/12/2023 21:12

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

Yes he is British

OP posts:
floorprotector · 12/12/2023 21:13

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

floorprotector · 12/12/2023 21:14

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

floorprotector · 12/12/2023 21:15

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

floorprotector · 12/12/2023 21:16

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

EmpressaurusOfCats · 12/12/2023 21:17

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

This is not a bloke anyone should have to live with.

Also, anyone who has loud FaceTime conversations in quiet areas should have their phone confiscated for a week.

Original poster
Olivegardenishome · 12/12/2023 21:17

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

It’s not really difficult to understand nor relevant to my issue? They all live in England and we live abroad. You’re kind of jumping to all sorts of conclusions about things that aren’t relevant, such as he’s so rotten he’s waiting to do this. That’s not what I’m saying at all. But how can a 50 year old man not have the empathy or understanding of when it isn’t or is appropriate to show his wife to his family and strangers??

OP posts:
floorprotector · 12/12/2023 21:17

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

QueSyrahSyrah · 12/12/2023 21:18

Also, anyone who has loud FaceTime conversations in quiet areas should have their phone confiscated for a week.

I quite agree. DH's nearly went in the pool Angry

EmpressaurusOfCats · 12/12/2023 21:18

QueSyrahSyrah · 12/12/2023 21:18

Also, anyone who has loud FaceTime conversations in quiet areas should have their phone confiscated for a week.

I quite agree. DH's nearly went in the pool Angry

Excellent.

floorprotector · 12/12/2023 21:18

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

Original poster
Olivegardenishome · 12/12/2023 21:19

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

Yes? They’re school age children in care. My husband works part time. What exactly is your point? How exactly is this relevant to the issue I’m seeing advice for? What exactly is your agenda here? I’m confused…

OP posts:
QueSyrahSyrah · 12/12/2023 21:20

@floorprotector You seem a bit over-invested in this thread. Maybe wind it back in a bit?

Original poster
Olivegardenishome · 12/12/2023 21:20

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

No, that isn’t true. I have already told you that I do not live in England… how the heck is this even relevant?

Kindly, please leave this thread as I don’t know how to block you.

OP posts:
floorprotector · 12/12/2023 21:21

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

floorprotector · 12/12/2023 21:22

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

Original poster
Olivegardenishome · 12/12/2023 21:24

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

Yes, because he has several friends and siblings. Again, please leave as I’m really only wanting advice on my actual issue. I don’t need to be interrogated about how I juggle my family or career or where I live or anything else. I wanted to know if I was unreasonable to be annoyed or if my reaction was unjustified.
Thankfully some posters have great comprehension skills and have been helpful.

OP posts:
PaminaMozart · 12/12/2023 21:26

I think you are focusing on the wrong issue.

He works part-time and doesn't do anything ?
You work full-time and do everything?

I'd start by putting my foot down and get him to do his share of the housework.

Though I'm also wondering about the 8 children you are supposedly fostering. How is this even possible...

Swipe left for the next trending thread