Is this a man thing or could my DH have some sort of neuro processing disorder

[VoluptuaGoodshag]

I've always thought he took a while to process whatever was being said to him and would often repeat back parts of it to confirm exactly what’s been said. However he seems to be doing it more, even for the simplest of conversations.

This is exacerbated if he’s doing something else (no matter how mundane - like drawing the curtains), he cannot concentrate on the two things at once.

e.g. I asks if he wants a cuppa and he always begins with erm, then a big pause, then another erm before giving his answer.

He’ll also use words that aren’t quite the right ones but somewhere in the ballpark. E.g. sorting out the strips for his footie team he called them costumes rather than strips.

He never spoke until he went to school and though he’s now 61 I’ve just always thought there was something and had he been born nowadays it would’ve been picked up on.

Hasn’t stopped him in life but I do think it’s dented his confidence and he does stammer and stutter sometimes.

Any thoughts welcome. Am just curious as he seems to be getting worse and I’m slightly concerned

Would also add that I don’t make an issue of it to him direct

Sounds very plausible to be honest

repeating what is being said could be a habit - people actively learn to do it in some work environments, and someone with processing disorder would be very likely to start doing this

that being said, does he have dyslexia by any chance? For some people impacts their ability to follow instructions, while using "technically correct but not quite right" words is also common

As a speech therapist, this sounds like he has developmental language disorder (DLD). It's a life long condition, much like dyslexic or dyspraxia, and could well be linked to his stammering. It's around how he understands language and uses language to express himself.

It's not particularly a worry, especially if he has done all right in life. The only concern would be if it seems to be getting worse as that would suggest something else is going on.

My dh is like this and has recently come to think that he may have adhd, not diagnosed because he doesn’t feel it’s necessary, but having read a few books he does feel relieved.

I was also going to say dyslexia! DS has it and it doesn't always present as a problem with reading/ spelling, but sometimes with auditory processing. DS literally instantly forgets what someone says to him unless he really focuses on it and/ or repeats it. He also does the 'not quite right' words thing - took him ages to get clothing right - e.g. used to call his school shirt a school Tshirt etc.

I don't think it's a man thing, or necessarily a neuro-processing disorder. It could just be a 'some people' thing.

I know two people who are as you describe (one male, one female if that's relevant).

In one, I'm pretty sure it's down to stress / mental overload. The more stressed they are, the more they struggle to think of more than one thing at a time. The other, it seems to be a habit (where it came from I don't know), but they use it sometimes just to buy time.

Sounds a lot like my DS who is waiting to be assessed for dyspraxia and ADHD

I do the 'repeating' thing. Particularly at work, if someone says, 'Vroom, could you sort out this box of stuff?' I will say 'you want me to sort out this box?' I'll also repeat myself, when I'm telling a story, I'll tell it once and then repeat it again, just using slightly different words. I'm aware of it as I'm doing it, but find it almost impossible to stop myself. I also repeat phrases like 'dreadfully wet, isn't it, dreadfully wet.'
I have ADHD. No idea if it's linked, but suppose so. How all my friends haven't stopped speaking to me I have no idea - I even irritate myself!

If you’ve noticed recently it’s worsening could he benefit from a review with his GP just to rule out anything medical? Only if there could be something more going on the earlier the intervention the better.

Thanks for the replies. I have noticed also that he can sometimes do things in a clumsy way. E.g. he gets into a car head n feet first then kind of unfolds himself rather than bum on seat first then swing legs in. And last night I mentioned something simple to him, can’t remember exactly but along the lines of ‘I’ll post that parcel tomorrow’ and he replied ‘Uhuh’ but then repeated ‘uhuh’ another three times with a big pause in between like he was still processing what I’d said. I did point this out as it was really unusual. As if he was still in conversation with me even though I’d stopped speaking.
He was stroking the cat at the time.
Verbal dyspraxia possibly?

I sort of do one - I can't concentrate on one thing while someone is talking to me about another. Closing curtains would be fine though as long as it wasn't awkward to do - I just can't think (or hold anything in my head) if someone is talking to me about something else. Sometimes it causes a mini shut down where my head goes completely blank and I have no idea what I was doing or what the person was saying. I refer to this as “buffering”!!

I do number 2 constantly. Often get my words muddled or can’t bring to mind the word i need so i have to use other ones (with varying degrees of hilarity). It gets worse in pressured scenarios. It’s to do with executive function in my case. It’s a problem with recall. It’s mainly nouns I struggle with and I have the same issue with facts. Often can’t bring to mind what I need when I need it. It’s like the library in my head isn’t very well organised so I can’t always find what I need when I need it, or I pull out the wrong book.

Not saying your DH has ADHD has he’d have to tick a LOT more boxes but there’s a lot of overlap with ND type conditions. I would strongly suspect something is going on.

Oh sorry just realised my post doesn't make sense as I didn't say I have ADHD! Hopefully obvious from my username!

I’m like this as I age and I’m 50
i get similar category words mixed up all the time

Is he not just...getting older?!

I get into cars like that as well. I never realised it was odd!

This is 100 per cent what people with a stammer do in order to try to avoid stammering. A long pause is to try to get words out fluently . Substituting words to ones that have similar meanings is standard to avoid saying words that are likely to be problematic words…eg begin with certain letters or whatever. A stammer gets very clever at these avoidance “tricks “ even if they’re not necessarily effective (but sometimes are!). Non stammerers don’t pick up that this is happening, but I always know when someone is a stammerer even if they don’t actually stammer openly. This is because I’ve done it myself for years! People can think you are not very bright because you sound slow or silly. This is what’s happening here.

Omg I totally do this. My partner constantly calls me out on it, but I really can't help it. I try very hard to follow everything, but if I'm doing something else at the time,it's just impossible. I've told him that if he wants to talk about something important he needs to sit me down and not start talking when I'm in the middle of something else, but he just can't wrap his head around why this is so difficult for me

Is he on any medication? I have been taking medication this year for pain & I can't process stuff in the same way. It takes me ages to reply to a question or organise my brain to do stuff that needs doing. So frustrating!

I second having a medical review. My mum developed this and she’d had a stroke. No other significant symptoms. She didn’t have any history of stammering etc but if he’s doing it more often and also having difficulty word finding I would want to rule this out.

Was it a musical Uhuh?

Stroking the cat tunefully perhaps to entertain the cat and make exciting a run-of-the-mill posting conversation.
Could he be great at relaxing? .. and has to alert himself sometimes.

If it’s new, I’d think medical issue tbh.

Fwiw I’ve been having that sort of symptoms after having covid. Really really bad ‘brain fog’. Appeared about 1~2 months after the infection and got worse fir a while.
Then got SLOWLY better but I’m still nit back to my ‘baseline’ yet. It’s been 20 months.

Yes absolutely sounds like a processing difference. We have kids with ND and there is processing difficulties as part of the profiles.

I have a friend with diagnosed dyspraxia who does exactly the same with words, the wrong one but close enough that you know what she was going for. She's also pretty clumsy, and has made the decision never to learn to drive as she feels she'd be a danger due to those momentary bouts of confusion.