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Original poster

Partner choosing to spend time with family rather than me over Christmas

39 replies

frrefrom77 · 11/12/2023 07:12

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not. My partner of 6 years (have lived together for 3) has decided to spend Christmas Eve until Boxing Day with his parents and siblings, he will then on Boxing Day be going to see his children for a few days. I will be with my children until they go their dads on Christmas Day afternoon. I'm feeling a bit sad that I'll be alone from around 4 p.m on Christmas Day until he returns on around the 30th.Going to see his children is obviously not an issue, but I'm struggling to accept him wanting to spend the few days over Christmas without me, but I'm willing to accept I'm being selfish here. What are others opinions?

OP posts:
2023usernameNew · 11/12/2023 07:13

Could you please explain why you can’t visit his family with him and/or why you’d be alone instead of with your own family?

Stresa22 · 11/12/2023 07:14

I think there are no easy choices for him and he feels he needs to tend to all of his relationships. You could help him by accepting it and not taking it personally.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 11/12/2023 07:14

Well his family have been his family much longer than he has been with you. And his kids should absolutely be his priority. Would you rather he just forgot about seeing his kids?

35965a · 11/12/2023 07:14

This may sound like a stupid question but does he realise you’ll be alone once your children have gone to their dad? Maybe he would have expected you to see your own family or friends. Or you could join him and his family for some of it.

SecondUsername4me · 11/12/2023 07:15

What have you both done on the previous Christmases you've lived together?

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 11/12/2023 07:15

It sounds as if you are not really free yourself until after 4 on Christmas Day and he is going to see his children on Boxing Day.

Doingmybest12 · 11/12/2023 07:17

This seems very odd for a couple who live together, I'd be hurt too. But are there details you aren't sharing, like a mega long journey not been with them for years,one parent is very ill or you were invited but said no for no apparent reason?

Doingmybest12 · 11/12/2023 07:18

Amd yes true, seeing children from boxing day you say you are OK with.

MiddleParking · 11/12/2023 07:19

The usual thing would be that you as his long term partner be invited to his family home or vice versa. I assume there’s a reason you’ve not mentioned as to why that’s not the case - no one can form a meaningful opinion without that key info.

PaperDoIIs · 11/12/2023 07:20

Were you invited but aren't going because of your kids and handover times?

Mumdiva99 · 11/12/2023 07:24

Has he been able to spend a christmas with his family for the last few years? If no....because he has prioritised you and your kids arrangements.....then I think this is fair enough. Can you go join him once your kids have gone or is it too far?

Angrycat2768 · 11/12/2023 07:29

Maybe it's hard for him watching Christmas day with your kids when he isn't seeing his, sorted rather leave you tobit znd visits his family (who I presume he doesn't live with) It's only really 4pm on Christmas day you'll be alone. Are his family too far away for you to go after the kids have been collected for an evening drink?

Original poster
frrefrom77 · 11/12/2023 07:30

@ThickSkinnedSoWhat at what point did I say I didn't want him to see his kids? I'm talking about the 3 days when he is seeing his parents and siblings.

OP posts:
NancyJoan · 11/12/2023 07:32

Why is it either/or? Can’t you go to his family’s gathering once your kids leave?

Original poster
frrefrom77 · 11/12/2023 07:33

The reason I wouldn't go with him is I have 3 children who wouldn't want to spend Christmas at his families home, they don't know them that well and they want to be at home on Christmas, and then with their dad the rest of Christmas Day.
Every other Christmas we've spent together, either with my children or his or both.
I take on board the comments about going to be with him and his family once my children have gone to their dads, I might do that. Thanks everyone, I've needed a bit of a kick up the bum about this

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 11/12/2023 07:34

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 11/12/2023 07:14

Well his family have been his family much longer than he has been with you. And his kids should absolutely be his priority. Would you rather he just forgot about seeing his kids?

That would apply to absolutely everyone on the planet, unless they were forcibly entered into a relationship via contract when in utero. So it’s rubbish. Nobody cares that they have known their family longer than their partner of years when they plan Christmas.

Perhaps you could answer some of the genuine questions though op? Like what happened previous years, and are you not invited to his family? Do you live together?

ApolloandDaphne · 11/12/2023 07:34

It sounds like he is leaving you to enjoy your own children on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and then only spare little bit of time is the evening of Christmas Day if he is seeing his own children from Boxing Day. You don't day the distances involved and if it would even be possible for him to be with you on the evening of Christmas Day. We also don't know what ages his children are and what he plans to do with them. I assume they are staying with his family. This would be a nice way for themTo maintain connections with their wider family.

Maddy70 · 11/12/2023 07:34

Why aren't you going to his parents on Christmas day ?

Maddy70 · 11/12/2023 07:36

Just seen your update

Well that's your choice you're choosing to be with your family and he's choosing to be with his.

It's never easy when there are blended families

mum11970 · 11/12/2023 07:42

Was going to ask if the distances were too far to go to his parents on Christmas Day afternoon. Where is he seeing his children if you live together?

SheilaFentiman · 11/12/2023 07:48

It sounds like the only way he would see his parents is to do this, as he is committed to going to his kids on Boxing Day. He may have thought you’d rather have the tv to yourself for the evening after the kids leave, but it sounds like you haven’t yet asked if you can pop to his parents’ in the evening of Xmas day.

Keepinmovin · 11/12/2023 07:57

Well if all the past few Xmas he's spent with you and your family/his kids then I can understand he may want to have a Xmas with his family, I dont think thay is unreasonable. The issue is more that because you have your kids then you can't go with him.
So heading up Xmas afternoon to his family is the only option.

HarrumphryBogart · 11/12/2023 08:34

This seems very odd. I would have thought he'd spend xmas eve with you and your children then when they go to their dad's you'd go to his parents together, then pick up his kids and bring them to your house on boxing day. Is he not allowed to have them in your house or be in the house with your children? Most odd.

SheilaFentiman · 11/12/2023 08:37

“ Is he not allowed to have them in your house or be in the house with your children? “

Seems unlikely, as Op says they have spent prior Xmases with her kids, his, or both.

CottonC · 11/12/2023 09:23

frrefrom77 · 11/12/2023 07:33

The reason I wouldn't go with him is I have 3 children who wouldn't want to spend Christmas at his families home, they don't know them that well and they want to be at home on Christmas, and then with their dad the rest of Christmas Day.
Every other Christmas we've spent together, either with my children or his or both.
I take on board the comments about going to be with him and his family once my children have gone to their dads, I might do that. Thanks everyone, I've needed a bit of a kick up the bum about this

I dont understand what you're complaining about because you wouldn't be able to stay with his family at Christmas anyway since you're with your own kids (which is the right decision) ?? @frrefrom77

You're not a family with him or the mother of his children, you're just two people who are dating each other for a number of years. You both have separate families so of course you won't be the same as an intact family who spends their Christmas together. It's the reality I'm afraid when people choose to break up their families.