Why do you think someone doesn't get anyone showing interest?

[Poppybob]

I read about experiences of women who gain lots of male attention/interest in various forms... Some horrendous/awful and some funny/romantic. As a 40 something year old woman who has only been with DH.... Am really curious as to why I've never (in my life that I can think of) have never had anyone apart from DH interested. Am OK ish looking, in good shape and like to think am friendly etc etc.... But yet I've never ever been someone who gets chatted up or had anyone at all showing interest. My friends get a lot of attention and interest. I Would be interested to know what people's thoughts are on this.

Probably because you aren't interested.

People look for reactions. So if someone uses their best chat up line and the object of their attention doesn't even notice, then they don't bother again.

How flirty are you?

In the last decade I've gotten loads of attention from men, telling me they like me or want to date me... I think it's because I'm chatty/flirty.

When I was younger I was equally as attractive but much more quiet. I got a lot less interest then.

I agree with PP that it’s probably more about how you interact than about looks or anything like that. Possibly because you are with DH you give off vibes that show nothing will happen.

When I was single I got lots of attention but since getting together with my DH I don't either get any or I don't notice it. I think I am switched off in that sense and it must show to men.

When I am out with certain friends, as a group we get a lot of interest (sometimes to the point of it being rather irritating). Other friends, we don't get any. It is strange really because all my friends are beautiful and great people (to me!) but there are differences in the way different groups look and behave.

The ones who get more attention overall tend to be the ones who put more effort into dressing well, the ones who follow fashion and invest in nice clothes, make up, hair etc.

I have one friend who is sometimes stopped by men who have just seen her in the street (it's happened a few times when we've been in busy areas of London). They're usually creepy men you wouldn't date, and it's actually a bit annoying and invasive, but I have wondered why they do it to her and not me. I don't really think she's unusually stunning, but she dresses well, wears nice make up and smiles a lot.

So I think it's a whole combination of factors - how you look, how you dress, age, AND how you interact, body language, how much you smile etc.

Are you asking because you want more attention from men? Because it's not always a good thing!

I quit alcohol a few years ago. When I used to drink and frequent pubs and clubs, with the lowering of inhibitions I could be quite flirty and would be hit on an average amount. Now I don't drink it never happens. I'm an introvert and naturally quite shy of new people and in my sober state I can't imagine anything worse than being hit on by random men, so I assume from this that there's something in my body language that says 'fuck off'. If you would like this to happen, think about how you can make your body language more approachable.

I think part of it is just how approachable you look.

To give a couple of famous examples, take Kaley Cuoco and Kristen Stewart. Both beautiful women, around the same age, in shape etc. Kristen Stewart is probably more my type, but I know who I'd be more likely to try and chat to if both were stood at the bar. (Although, the actual answer is neither. Massive introvert who has never been any good at chatting people up here!)

It works with men as well. I look intimidating, not through choice, I've just got a touch of the Grant Mitchell's about me. (Although it's turning more into the Phil Mitchell's as I get older!)

People don't tend to randomly talk to me, like they would a man with a more open friendly face. To the extent that I've been stood at the bar, someone opens a conversation, turns to look at me as they're saying their first sentance, and it just dies in their mouth.

I get hit on a lot when I'm in a group and already relaxed and chatting. But almost never by complete strangers. I don't look approachable. I'm 6ft tall, I make no effort whatsoever with my appearance, I'm very introverted and I've been told that my resting face is "like you're about to kill someone." Could it be any of those things?

You must have an air of ' do not bother 'around you. These people that do the flirting ect ( bar the standard wolf whistles and shouting blokes ) usually act on some kind of body language from the recipient first. This doesn't necessarily mean Jane who's been married to Paul for 10 years is giving the 'come on eyes' just that she may people watch and her atmosphere is welcoming.

I get chatted up a lot - and the long stares with the up and down looks. Drinks offered, come back to mine, take my number, men shouting out of car windows etc. I don’t understand why, I have a grumpy face and a bit of a stompy walk, I grew up and live in London so do have a confident way about me I suppose. I am not massively pretty. I’ve concluded I must look up for it or something even though I certainly am not.

I look intimidating and my clothes and body language suggest I'm silently judging something about them and finding it wanting. Apparently. In fact, I'm a human marshmallow.

Sex appeal I think.

Some women are pretty and attractive but not obviously sexy.

I had a successful modelling career when younger but never had any male attention. My friends did, I was always the awkward lanky and tall friend who never had a boyfriend.
Old men used to like me

I think it's a mixture of things, my friends who get lots of unwanted attention e.g. in the street tend to be pretty, with long hair and slimmish bodies in proportion to their height.

In terms of getting the less gross kinds of attention at parties etc I have a silly answer and a serious one.

1. Tits - having big ones or them being more visible via tight clothes or low cut.

2. Being funny, smiley, able to make eye contact etc and seeming like a decent person - I think nice men are not different to nice women insofar as what they go for in a stranger.

Not quite on topic, but has anyone else experienced the 'early mentioning of wife by guy you're chatting to in a social situation'?

I usually think 'you really didn't need to bother, I'm not flirting with you!

@Walkacrossthesand yes, frequently. I guess I give off that sort of vibe when I'm chatting to someone, particularly when I don't fancy them. I think it might be because I'm relaxed and not trying to impress them or get their attention. The same natural behaviour doesn't come naturally to me if I do fancy them though. I think that's why my successful relationships have been ones where I've known the man for a while beforehand.

Oh yes! I got this on Saturday from a dad I was making polite (bored) conversation with at my son's football.

This is so true

No it's not that am looking for attention, happy with DH. (although tbh he's never shows much interest in me either... But that's another story) It's really just something that has me wondering, and that I've kind of realised. Was genuinely curious as to why this is. I think I actually have no idea what it feels like to have someone be attracted to you it's not something I've experienced.

"I think I actually have no idea what it feels like to have someone be attracted to you it's not something I've experienced."

I bet you've had interest but just not picked up on it because you're happy with DH. It's kind of, you don't notice interest because you're not looking for love.

What about when you first met your husband. Didn't you feel attractive when you were dating and couldn't keep your hands off each other?

@Jk987@Jk987 yes we couldn't keep hands off each other but this was in early days when we first met. 20+ years has passed since then. I've only ever slept with DH

Compare yourself (body language, looks, personality, lifestyle) to those women you see getting hit on and there will be your answer. Usually the person is either so oblivious or their body language is closed off or masculine.

You don't have to be thin or beautiful to get hit on, of course being so means much more attention but to get zero attention is impossible for a woman, it's probably attention she is blinkered towards ie from men she doesn't fancy and doesn't even notice.

Agree it’s likely because you don’t give off Le Vibez. I don’t think it’s much to do with looks, more the way a woman presents and carries herself. I was an ugly duckling who turned into a striking young woman (am now a mallard again, totally fat and knackered) and married at 25. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of strangers who hit on me, before or since. I’d get stared at a lot, shouted at in the street, drunk girls in toilets would tell me I was beautiful, but men never actually approached me. My boyfriends tended to be friends first, which was just as well, because I’m more into kindness and sense of humour than looks (that and handsome men have always scared me, I just wondered if they were taking the piss).

Had mates who were not necessarily conventionally stunning but got loads of male attention, drinks bought, it was like they were irresistible. Even my pals used to marvel at why I didn’t ever get chatted up. It upset me when I was very young, I felt a lot of inferiority and confusion, but looking back, I suspect I had a serious demeanour and as such was judged unlikely to be receptive. I also can’t flirt for shit 😜