First disagreement with partner since we got back together . Can I have your balanced opinions please?

[barrred]

We re together two years. Experienced a traumatic event that changed the dynamic of the relationship.
We were both injured and unwell. I healed but he became more unwell and I ultimately became his cater on top of trying to mind myself and my family.
I couldn't cope so I ended it when there was no mutual care, by the end.
He pulled himself out from f the situation. Put the work into
Physio etc, got back to work and back on his feet.
We met up and decided to try again on an equal footing.
That was three months ago. All going great but...
My teenage child is always around. He wants to be in our company when my oartne4 is here at all times. They get on well and partner supports him in whatever he is enjoying eg sport, activities etc.
My partner is here once per week for a day and overnight.
My partner was rude to my child yesterday.
Now I am very protective and defensive when it comes to him but I was not happy.
When I pulled him up on his rudeness, partner immediately said it was fun. It wasn't.
He then commented on me ignoring hom( as I was so cross)
And I went to my child who was oblivious to any issue.
He shot down any effort to talk about it saying he felt he was being talked at and we went to bed in silence.
He got up, went to work and went a loving message about hoping he didn't wake me etc.
I told him that this freezing me out when arguments happen is over. He said that he's coming to pick up his stuff now 🙄. He was exactly like this before. Cannot handle conflict at all and doesn't know how to manage it. He's even had therapy for it .

I can be overbearing and strong, I know that. I'm am
Also super sensitive and protective of my child.
Can I have your thoughts on this please .

It looks like he can’t handle the presence of your child but the truth is your child is there and not going anywhere. Your partner is annoyed and wants child not to be there but it won’t happen. Easier to end up with your partner, it doesn’t matter who is right or wrong , you just want different things from each other hence not compatible.

Wtf

Don’t date crap blokes. Don’t analyse men. Don’t beg and plead with a man. Keep boyfriends away from your kid.

You should do extensive work on your self and your standards before considering dating anyone, and bear in mind the sole reason to have a relationship is that it’s meant to enhance your life and be fun. That’s the entire point.

No, just pull the trigger already. What I'd the point of going round and round with him?

Of course not.

The relationship is over. Which will be to the benefit of both you and your DS.

You don't need a reason to end a relationship and it doesn't have to be a reasonable reason of you did have one.

Sometimes the reason you ended things in the first place is enough.

You gave it a go. It hasn’t changed. Move on.

I think you sound as bad as each other.

I'm not sure what he said was so bad.

I think it's a bit strange that your kid is with both of you all the time.

That would irritate me too.

Sorry.

Wait, what??

After an argument where he stormed out, he came back into YOUR house and totally ignored you? Feck that. Kick him out and keep him out.

You broke up for many reasons previously. Not all of those reasons have been resolved and sounds like they never will be so stop prolonging a bad relationship.

Well he has sent the odd meme and morning message since Sunday but I haven't responded as I still believe what he said was nasty and hurtful especially considering he knows how anxious my child is.
At Tim's, I wonder if I was over reacting or too sensitive ? Was I the problem here ?
He thinks I should apologise for not responding to him when he tried to talk to me afterwards but the truth is I hardly remember that as I was so angry and my child was in the general area so I wasn't going to discuss anything with him there and then for those reasons.
In the past, this nonsense would happen. I would give in and practically beg for contact. I wouldnt have eaten or slept properly but for some reason, this time, I did t think of him too much. I didn't miss him either .
No doubt when he realises that I'm not running after him anymore , he will come
Crawling ... not with an apology either. Just hoping to brush off t under the carpet like he always wanted .
How do I proceed here and was I unreasonable and over reacting ?

Anyone ...please?

I actually don't think what he said to your child was that rude. I think you probably overreacted to that but then the way he then acted was out of order. It does seem like you just aren't compatible.

I am not sure what you want people to say.

I don't mean to be unkind but no one is going to tell you go get back with him.

I suspect you will. And will continue this toxic roundabout you have going on. And as your son realises that your dp is annoyed by his presence in his own home and yoj accepting it, you will damage the relationship with your son.

But no one is going to say get back with him. They will say what they have already said. And what you know, really. You know you should make it clear its done then not respond to him again. For whatever reason, part of you doesn't want to. Even though you know its right

Yes I think I'm embarrassed as we are only back together a few months and it hasn't worked again !
I don't miss him whatsoever so that's telling.
I'm upset that he has spoken to my child like that... again. It's not the first time he has been cutting and shitty.
He can also be sarcastic.
I don't want him back but this limbo land is weird this time as I'm not doing the usual chasing

You don't miss him.

You don't eat to get back with him so why not end it?

Don't be in limbo.

You are not unreasonable or over reacting.
End the relationship. Your son is important and needs to see his mother stand up for him and herself.
Endings are always unpleasant, but for goodness sake, stop dragging it out.

Hi op, no one thinks you should get back with him

You're both being ridiculous. Football crap is always like that between dudes. It's pathetic listening to it.

You never get any time together alone at all? Relationship is doomed if you're both followed around by a teenager all of the time you're together. Would do my swede in even with my own kid

You're both crap at communicating. Just end it and be done.

Hi, you shouldn’t feel embarrassed, you tried. He sounds moody etc and just not worth it tbh. I hope you are ok x

@gamerchick
It wasn't football crap.
He was deadly serious, insulting and nasty to him. There was no banter or half smile. It was horrible to see actually and it ran my blood cold .
Cutting and intended to ridicule, demean and put him in his place.
My partner is emotionally very immature

So the way your partner treated your child made your blood run cold and you still can’t bring yourself to tell him to fuck off

Seriously have a word with yourself. Tell him it’s over, don’t engage with him any further and move on putting your child’s needs before a bloke.

I get the impression you are liking him being the one trying to make contact.

You feel a bit more in control. You like him coming to you. That’s why you haven’t ended it.

You are enjoying the limo in some way. That’s why you came back to this thread as asked for help when nothings has changed. It’s a way of further experiencing the drama here.

When you could just decide to end it and have it all over. Wether you realise it or not you are getting something out of dragging this out.

@Lifeasiknowitisout The truth about f it is that I am rattled that I care so little. I'm not upset. I don't miss him. Life has a easier without ur him being here but I am embarrassed.
Maybe I'm just over the whole thing and deep down I know I'd end up looking after him in old age as he has zero interest or energy to ever do anything other than watch tv and sleep.
I don't like the limbo but and dread the drama 🎭 f the break up after he nearly had a breakdown the last time we broke up, which I initiated and lasted a year apart.

OK so overall this relationship doesn't look good for you or your son. It looks like he saps you to soothe himself, rather than doing things for himself. But when you last ended it, he did actually pick himself up and got back to work whereas he may have just continued to depend on you. So you did him a favour in the end.

It's only been a few months of seeing him once a week, and you are at a perfect point to let it fizzle out. So don't contact him, he might stay stubborn and not contact either, in which case great, move on. He might contact after days or weeks, in which case you could just say you have already taken it as over so no need to talk further and goodbye.
If it gets to over a week without contact, I'd just block at that point as its long enough to wonder if he ever will and best not to give it future headspace.

Dear God. STOP! Stop thinking about it. Stop putting your needs above your child’s. Stop getting with losers like this man who is jealous of your child. Do you think things will get better or worse between them in the future?

Block him.