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Original poster

Has anyone not got married (although would have normally) for inheritance reasons for their children?

48 replies

Whodrankmytea · 09/12/2023 08:18

Both divorced with adult children. Been together seven years and living together but I don't think it would be sensible to marry as it would affect my children's inheritance.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 09/12/2023 08:19

I agree.

megletthesecond · 09/12/2023 08:21

I'm a LP and have paid my mortgage off, I would never marry.
(I've also been single for 15yrs so it's irrelevant).

HunterBidensBurnerPhone · 09/12/2023 08:23

Me. I did the maths and realised my children and I stood to lose quite a lot in any divorce. So I've never married and I doubt I ever will.

LolaSmiles · 09/12/2023 08:23

There's a lot of posters on here in that situation who have made that choice.

There's also lots of posters who've found themselves disinherited when their parent remarries because the estate moves to their new spouse, who then leaves their estate to their own children. There's some heartbreaking ones where a father remarries after his wife passed away, often to someone younger, and then both parents estate ends up going to adult children of the new spouse with nothing for their children.

Nobody can rely on someone staying true to their word when large amounts of money are involved.

MintJulia · 09/12/2023 08:23

That's a perfectly valid reason. If in a few years your dcs are all sorted financially, earning well, own homes and clearly don't need a leg up, then maybe it will be different.

Unless you are planning more dcs, why marry now?

Chewbecca · 09/12/2023 08:25

Why would it affect your children’s inheritance? You can include whatever you wish in your will.

Epidote · 09/12/2023 08:28

Yes, I know a couple of ladies in LTR more than 10 years with blended families that will openly tell you that the only reason they won't marry their partner is because they want to assure that their house go to their children.

ScarlettSunset · 09/12/2023 08:30

I'm not married but I would like to marry my fiance eventually. I have already updated my will via the solicitors and have it so it doesn't change when we marry, so my child doesn't lose out.

Whattodowithit88 · 09/12/2023 08:34

A will won’t matter if you divorce before you die. If you divorce they will get half, as assets are shared the minute you marry, so if a divorce happens your children’s inheritance is less.

The only way marriage without your children loosing inheritance works, is if the other partner has just as much or more than you.

HunterBidensBurnerPhone · 09/12/2023 08:35

LolaSmiles · 09/12/2023 08:23

There's a lot of posters on here in that situation who have made that choice.

There's also lots of posters who've found themselves disinherited when their parent remarries because the estate moves to their new spouse, who then leaves their estate to their own children. There's some heartbreaking ones where a father remarries after his wife passed away, often to someone younger, and then both parents estate ends up going to adult children of the new spouse with nothing for their children.

Nobody can rely on someone staying true to their word when large amounts of money are involved.

I've seen some absolute horror stories on here.

My dad, who's a widower, has sworn never to remarry for the same reason. My grandparents have quite a large estate and our family have a sort of pact that it needs to 'stay in the family' to get passed down to the grandkids, not frittered away on feathering second spouses' nests!

SqueakingSnapfish · 09/12/2023 08:38

My Gran, my Grandad died very young.
She never married her "gentleman companion", she outlived him in the end and the house went for care fees so she could have done and it would have made no difference.
We don't know what the future holds.

contactus · 09/12/2023 08:38

it would only effect your children’s inheritance if you didn’t make clear your wishes in your will and you husband and step children aren’t to be trusted and contested your will

ScarlettSunset · 09/12/2023 08:40

Whattodowithit88 · 09/12/2023 08:34

A will won’t matter if you divorce before you die. If you divorce they will get half, as assets are shared the minute you marry, so if a divorce happens your children’s inheritance is less.

The only way marriage without your children loosing inheritance works, is if the other partner has just as much or more than you.

I do actually agree with this too.
In my case we are very evenly matched, but yes, I'd probably not even be considering marriage if we weren't.

3WildOnes · 09/12/2023 08:42

ScarlettSunset · 09/12/2023 08:30

I'm not married but I would like to marry my fiance eventually. I have already updated my will via the solicitors and have it so it doesn't change when we marry, so my child doesn't lose out.

When you marry your assets are shared with your husband. It would be very hard to ensure that all of your assets go to your child in the event of your death or if you got divorced. Prenups aren't legally binding in the UK either.
If, god forbid, my husband and I divorced or I was widowed then there is no way I woukd remarry and ridk my children's inheritance.

Angrycat2768 · 09/12/2023 08:42

As said above, if you divorce half the money/house etc goes to them. Also they could try and contest the will. I dont see the point of marriage if you have children from a previous marriage. Why risk it? For what? A party?

FloweryName · 09/12/2023 08:44

I’m in a similar position. It’s sad but my children have to come first.

BrimfulOfMash · 09/12/2023 08:44

Divorce and Wills are different.

If you marry someone with less money / fewer assets than you, you risk losing it in divorce.

You can make careful plans to ensure your kids’ inheritance even if you marry. If you buy property together make sure it is as tenants in common not joint tenants, and make a will leaving your share direct to your Dc. Marriage invalidates any previous will so update it on marriage.

However if you marry someone who does not have their own assets, income etc and you have been supporting them, they could challenge the will.

Even if you do not marry, buy any property together ‘in common’. Whether married or not property bought as ‘joint tenants’ reverts to the survivor if one dies.

HardcoreLadyType · 09/12/2023 08:45

Chewbecca · 09/12/2023 08:25

Why would it affect your children’s inheritance? You can include whatever you wish in your will.

If she and her partner divorce, then all the inheritance planning may simply go to pot.

Although, IANAL, but I understand that a pre-nup agreement now holds much more weight in the UK than it did previously, so that could be a solution.

ScarlettSunset · 09/12/2023 08:48

I think it's also worth pointing out that in divorce, both parties do NOT automatically get 50% of everything. It's a starting point and depends on a number of factors such as length of marriage etc.

BrimfulOfMash · 09/12/2023 08:49

P.S also don’t hold your significant in a joint account

IhaveanewTVnow · 09/12/2023 08:50

My widowed dad remarried. My parents had their own house. When my dad died as I couldn’t find a will it all went to the wife. Wills are fine… if known about. My dad told me he had a will but not where it was. The system needs to change. I did not have access to his affairs as he was married, as far as I know she could have binned the will.

im divorced and in a long term relationship. I would love to get married. We both own our own houses. If we lived together we would need to set up a trust. But even that can cause problems.

Ffsnotaconference · 09/12/2023 08:52

My Dad and his girlfriend both won’t get married or live together for that reasons.

and also me. I managed to get a house as a single parent and am building investments. So I can help my kids later in life and when I go. I have no interest in a portion or all of it going to another man.

3peassuit · 09/12/2023 08:54

DH and I have an agreement, when one of us dies the remaining partner may have a relationship but not marry. We have seen a couple of instances where a new wife inherits all assets leaving the children with nothing.

justasking111 · 09/12/2023 08:58

One awful mess I remember was an elderly man remarried with two adult sons The son who was named in the will was was killed. He said that he was rewriting his will to name his younger son. He died no relevant will. His second wife had Alzheimer her family from away swept in took her back with them, sold the house and put her in a home. Nobody saw them again.

Floopani · 09/12/2023 09:02

I will be getting a civil partnership with my partner in these circumstances, but our house is tenants in common, and our circumstances are extremely similar. We have had the hard conversations about it and talked through what could happen in various circumstances. If either of us had very different circumstances, I dont think I would.