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Relationships

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Original poster

Has anyone not got married (although would have normally) for inheritance reasons for their children?

48 replies

Whodrankmytea · 09/12/2023 08:18

Both divorced with adult children. Been together seven years and living together but I don't think it would be sensible to marry as it would affect my children's inheritance.

OP posts:

CatusFlatus · 09/12/2023 09:03

Following legal advice, my partner and I formed a civil partnership (exactly the same financial company implications as marriage) to protect our estates from paying inheritance tax. I regard this as protecting our respective children's inheritance.

The assets we brought to the relationship were however fairly evenly matched, we have wills and a deed of trust to cover how the value of our house is divided if we split up.

We are both late 50s and financially independent of each other, own sufficient pension provision etc.

No solution is perfect but we think this is right for us.

Ffsnotaconference · 09/12/2023 09:05

3peassuit · 09/12/2023 08:54

DH and I have an agreement, when one of us dies the remaining partner may have a relationship but not marry. We have seen a couple of instances where a new wife inherits all assets leaving the children with nothing.

But that doesn’t always happen in real life.

i have known plenty of families where this has happened. The surviving spouse says they won’t remarry. But they do leaving a mess.

A close family friend, dad died. Left everything to her mum. Substantial amount. Her mum vowed she wouldn’t get married again. She did. Didn’t do a will and then died. Everything left went to the newish husband. Who has now remarried himself.

TheaBrandt · 09/12/2023 09:08

If you are smart both in same page and both wealthy the canny thing to do is marry then you can use each others tax allowance to gift out to your own kids. Massive iht saving.

wwyd2021medicine · 09/12/2023 09:16

3peassuit · 09/12/2023 08:54

We have had a will done with a trust with DC formed on death of first of us to try to prevent any other claims on the estate. Obviously we have both agreed we won't remarry.

gotmychristmasmiracle · 09/12/2023 09:20

I agree too, he could divorce you and take you for half pre death, as pp said unless you are planning on have children with him there's really no point. If he starts hassling why you don't get married I think he maybe with you for one reason 💴

TrashedSofa · 09/12/2023 09:27

Chewbecca · 09/12/2023 08:25

Why would it affect your children’s inheritance? You can include whatever you wish in your will.

You can, but depending on where you live it can be much easier for a spouse to challenge a will that doesn't make provision for them. It's this way in England and Wales, I've heard it's easier for spouses to keep their assets separate in Scotland.

But broadly, if you want to minimise the chance of a partner having a claim on your assets at either death or separation and that's the priority, you're better off not marrying them.

TheaBrandt · 09/12/2023 09:32

Yes if you don’t reasonably provide for a spouse they can make a claim for reasonable provision and would likely get what they would have got on a divorce

distinctpossibility · 09/12/2023 09:32

This has happened to a close famioy member when his dad died. It's been quite hurtful and he feels very forgotten about, and in a way he was because it's a totally foreseeable issue. His dad should've put provision in place. He'd have been happy with a couple of army medals and enough cash for a nice holiday.

BackAgainstWall · 09/12/2023 09:37

The only way to.secure your children’s future is to not get married.

From my own observations with people I know, all of them, that being the adult kids, have all completely lost out.

It’s a tail as old as time and an extremely common occurrence.

megletthesecond · 09/12/2023 09:56

I wasn't in one of my parents wills when they died. My step-parent inherited it all. It's quite a kick in the teeth when you are struggling and they aren't.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 09/12/2023 10:05

I think it depends on the assets involved. Legal advice shouldn't be that expensive for this issue.

Pumpkinpie1 · 09/12/2023 10:28

A lovely older couple I know lived together for over 20 years never married kept both houses for this reason. He nursed her through I’ll health and dementia til she died. Dividing assets so much easier because they never married, he’s remained friends to her adult daughter.

Yetanothernamechangeagain · 09/12/2023 11:08

My lovely DP is incredibly generous and fair and I don’t doubt for a second that he would do the right thing for my kids. But I can’t be certain about his family if we both died or any future partner he may have if I die.

If we were ever to get married I think I would probably reduce my assets to my DPs level beforehand by giving my kids a flat or at least a deposit for one. They would get the money when they were younger and needed it more and it would also hopefully reduce inheritance tax and the risk of everything going to a care home too.

doomday · 09/12/2023 11:19

Completely valid view.
I am married (first husband and father of children) if he died I would never ever re marry for inheritance reasons. I would put my children first.
My mother was windowed young and never re married for this reason and it has been really drummed in to never take a second husband.

My grandmother did re marry and a lot of money, land and property went out of the family when her second husband outlived her.
This is why you need to protect your children.

Men are particularly bad at not coping alone and tend to re marry so that's where the real risk to your children lies. The money goes to the new wife , her children and the original children always miss out.

category12 · 09/12/2023 11:20

If I had anything worth leaving, I wouldn't remarry/have a civil partnership for this reason. It's just a lot simpler not to.

The legal advantages of marriage are pretty much:

inheritance rights
tax breaks
joint ownership of assets

I'm not sure what the reason for getting married would be.

Bowbobobo · 09/12/2023 12:25

I’ve thought long and hard about this and I reckon I would get him to buy half my house off me and we’d own as tenants in common. ID give the cash to my DC now. Our Wills would say we each have a life interest in the other half until our death when it would go to our DC.

Isseywith3witchycats · 09/12/2023 13:38

My OH and i live together but dont intend to marry in his will i get half of any money and can live here for as long as i want, we have been together 10 years i have three grown up children from a previous marriage so they will get whatever i leave them he has one grown up daughter so this house will go to her with the other half of any money as it should be

IvorTheEngineDriver · 09/12/2023 15:33

Chewbecca · 09/12/2023 08:25

Why would it affect your children’s inheritance? You can include whatever you wish in your will.

Will can be challenged and, even if the challenge is unsuccessful, it will cost money to fight the case.

Newphony · 09/12/2023 15:51

Your very sensible and doing the right thing. Refreshing to see in this all consuming new relationship obsessed times that we live in.

thelonemommabear · 09/12/2023 15:54

I won't marry again for this reason.

I've seen too many second marriage inheritance issues where the second wife then changed her own will so that the husbands kids from the first marriage got nothing. Even if most of the money came from their mother etc

RomeoOscarXrayXray · 10/12/2023 11:04

My Dad is on his third wife. He's recently sold his property and cleared £100,000 profit. He's never had money in his life so I'm delighted for him and encouraging him to spend it on having a good time in his final months (he has a diagnosis).

But no. He's given it all to his third wife. Despite the fact he has 3 children from 2 previous wives and that some of that money really stems from his first marriage. No shared children with third wife.

He claims it's because his third wife paid into the property and I get that I really do BUT she is an immigrant and saved a fucking fortune by getting together with my Dad and brought her family and friends to stay with him saving even more! Like she easily saved £1,500 pcm not having to house herself and with other costs.

She owns 2 properties and is set to inherit a very large third property in the country she comes from (they were moving out there before the diagnosis).

We're in Scotland so you can't disinherit your children from moveable assets but by giving all the profit to his third wife my Dad has done just that.

His third child will get something, she always got the best. His eldest 2 will get nothing but we're used to that.

Recently realised my Dad is a total narcissist. So have accidentally gone low contact.

The money bothers me a little bit. I'd rather he spent it having a great time and then I'd like my full sister and I to benefit from our Mum's share really (she died a long time ago). Won't happen.

Other sister will inherit significantly from her Mum and as I said before Dad will make sure she gets something too.

First family definitely losing out in this case. With the third wife's family being the ultimate beneficiary from my Dad. 😡😡

jesterdourt · 10/12/2023 11:07

in some cases isn’t it good to marry to boost your tax threshold?

justasking111 · 10/12/2023 12:22

jesterdourt · 10/12/2023 11:07

in some cases isn’t it good to marry to boost your tax threshold?

Yes it is in some cases. We're once married so it's benefitted us. But it benefits any married couple whether they're on their first or sixth marriage.

This is separate from anyone who has a lot of money. We set up a trust ten years ago now so our three sons will inherit equally. That's how it was written. It's a complicated process and the tax man doesn't like it

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