Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Am I a prostitute?

72 replies

scarlatti · 14/03/2008 12:17

Sorry - have namechanged as this is so shameful.
I have been in a (not totally legitimate) relationship which has had to cool off, but I still see the man occasionally for legitimate reasons. This week I had a lift from him and couldn't resist stroking his lap on the way home. He'd already told me he'd resist but didn't put up too much of a fight shall we say - and before we got home he'd unzipped himself, and we stopped off en route as we used to do so I could finish the erm.. 'job' (despite him declaring he had no intention for this to happen again).

I suppose I did it just to prove to myself that he still couldn't resist me, but I think I am kidding myself..
Just need some harsh words from MNers to answer this.. Am I just being stupid to carry on like this? Do men like this just think with their dicks? Tbh I feel a bit like an (unpaid) prostitute - but I genuinely felt happy afterwards that I had 'hooked' him again. Have seriously considered counselling.

OP posts:

Original poster

scarlatti · 14/03/2008 12:49

Laidback - yes, sort of.

OP posts:

DoodleToYou · 14/03/2008 12:50

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 14/03/2008 12:50

Message withdrawn

OverMyDeadBody · 14/03/2008 12:51

you sound quite needy if this kind of thing makes you feel better about yourself, like you need other people's approval, or in particular, men's approval?

VictorianSqualor · 14/03/2008 12:53

I agree with fio, if you're very young or drunk it's a bit more acceptable.
We do stupid things in those situations, but this is really stupid.

I had a friend who was in a weird relationship for a few years, her BF would get head off other girls, and she was fine with it (madness IMO) but she used to say these girls meant nothing to him, and didn't bother her as he couldn't even bring himself to sleep with them and they obviously had little self-respect.

I still think she was crazy, but it worked for them and I could kind of see her point about the BJ's. It's probably the most demoralizing thing a woman can do to a man if not in the right circumstances.

I hope you don't put yourself in that place again.

Original poster

scarlatti · 14/03/2008 12:54

Not drunk - and old enough to know better

I thought it was a confidence boost for me - but you are right to say that a man would not turn this down if it was offered on a plate.

OMDB - it is his dick that has the power, not me at all - that's a real eye-opener for me, thanks. (Not his dick, your statement!)

OP posts:

DoodleToYou · 14/03/2008 12:54

Message withdrawn

VictorianSqualor · 14/03/2008 12:55

Yep, I'm off to the David Cameron thread to offer him a BJ.

LaidbackinEngland · 14/03/2008 12:56

Do you like to be in control ? Sometimes women who have been abandoned by dad or a.n. other use sex to feel poweful - but end up feeling used, uncared for and abandoned again. Often comes from a vulnerable and needy place that is hidden.

DoodleToYou · 14/03/2008 12:58

Message withdrawn

Original poster

scarlatti · 14/03/2008 13:00

ouch - Laidback - that's really something. I have behaved like this in the past - using sex to feel better about myself - it's usually ended in pain for me and/or others. Praps I should go and see someone..

OP posts:

LaidbackinEngland · 14/03/2008 13:03

It's one of those patterns that looks harmless...but can be very painful and ultimately helps us avoid real intimacy and satisfaction ? Sound familiar ?

VictorianSqualor · 14/03/2008 13:03

I was ahuge culprit for using sex to make myself feel better in my teens.
Never worked, I know now that all the guys I didn't sleep with when I started dating again in my twenties had so much more respect for me.

Just learn from it and move on. You may not need to see someone about it. Just try not to put yourself in that situation again. I always think of it as the girls on ladette to lady (yes, I watched it)that were all over the posh boys and thinking they were all that cos the guys would've shagged them or w/e.
Yes, they probably would've but they never would've introduced them to friends or family.

Do you want to be the girl that gives head in a car park or the girl that gets treated like a lady?

catzy · 14/03/2008 13:10

You threw yourself at him and he took it. He went away with a smile on his face and you went away feeling cheap.

I'm assuming he's attached from by op. Move on and stay away from him. Do you really want to feel like this everytime you see him. Coz trust me, he's going to be offering you a lot more lifts in the future if it means without any work you are going to fall on his knob, face first.

He's got no respect for you so have some for yourself.

Sorry but you said harsh.

bananaknickers · 14/03/2008 13:15

I have sex if I want a new pair of boots . am I one?

bananaknickers · 14/03/2008 13:17

Really though, find other ways to boost your self estem.Get a man that will treat you right and not use you for a B.J.

batters · 14/03/2008 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

scarlatti · 14/03/2008 13:19

lol about the boots. Disgraceful thing is - I already have a lovely man -

OP posts:

LaidbackinEngland · 14/03/2008 13:20

Do you really love your lovely man or is he a safe bet...i.e someone who wont ever leave you ?

bananaknickers · 14/03/2008 13:22

I know a bloke who had an affair with a scruffy woman- not a patch on his wife. He said that she offered it on a plate and he took it. I think a huge amount of men will take no strings sex

Original poster

scarlatti · 14/03/2008 13:23

batters - I think your male friend is probably right. This guy knows I'm very fond of him - and that he made the first move months back and has probably taken on too much with me. I should just move on and accept I give a good BJ. Feel terrible as have not done this with my OH for so long

OP posts:

bananaknickers · 14/03/2008 13:23

Not saying your scruffy scarlatti. Just saying that that is a mans point of veiw. You deserve better

Original poster

scarlatti · 14/03/2008 13:24

oh, and Laidback - yes, my OH is safe - but I got him the same way!! OMG - what am I like?

OP posts:

VictorianSqualor · 14/03/2008 13:27

scarlatti, was your OH in a relationship when you met him? And is this guy in a relationship?

LaidbackinEngland · 14/03/2008 13:27

I don't think you desperately need therapy; but I get the sense you are missing something and would really get something out of it....it might rock the boat though . Feel like seing someone to talk about it ?

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread