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Original poster

Need help with this girl

29 replies

CNP1225 · 07/12/2023 18:48

Not sure how to play this tbh
I like a girl I work with and she is definitely is into me as well. She’ll initiate conversations with me, she’s drunk texted me on numerous occasions, she’ll tell me random shit about her day, etc… However I’m 99% sure there is another guy she is interested in and I’ve always had a hunch but now I’m pretty sure that’s what’s going on. This hunch I had is the reason I’ve never asked her out or reciprocated her flirting beyond just being engaged in our conversations over text. Hell I’m even her second best friend on Snapchat which means I’m at least somewhere near the top of her list
she's also known him a lot longer than she’s known me, she actually used to refer to him as her “friend” until I started getting suspicious and realized that probably isn’t going on.

Maybe he really is just her best friend if something but I don't know, I’m just not gonna be responsive to her if she reaches out again, if she wants me she can come get me
My thoughts are that if she’s known this guy longer than she’s known me and is interested in both of us but he’s the only one who’s actively trying, then she probably likes me more? I don’t see why else a girl would still act really into a guy who doesn’t seem to reciprocate her feelings when she’s got another guy she’s known longer that’s actually trying to get her.

Does that have any basis in reality or am I stupid

OP posts:
GreigeO · 07/12/2023 18:51

Ask her out. Talk of Snapchat is childish.

Nobodythatmatters · 07/12/2023 19:09

I really struggle with this "girl" usage. A "girl " is someone under 18. If she is over 18 she is a "woman" or possibly a " young woman". So is this female you are talking about actually a 17 year old or even younger?

DidiAskYouThough · 07/12/2023 19:15

All very juvenile isn’t it. Ask her out if you want and if it won’t impact your job. Or don’t. No one knows if the woman fancies you.
How are you ‘trying to get her’? Confused

Pillboxer · 07/12/2023 19:29

What are you, 13? No adult has a concept of ‘second best friend on Snapchat’, surely.

If you want to go out with her, ask her out. It’s really not that complicated.

LBFseBrom · 07/12/2023 19:31

Texting you when drunk is not very impressive.

IncompleteSenten · 07/12/2023 19:32

Play it?
You ask her if she'd like to have a drink with you.
She'll either say yes or no.
Job done.

StaunchMomma · 07/12/2023 19:33

Ask her out or don't.

If you do, she will say yes or she won't.

If you think we can help because she has 'woman brain' (not girl brain, btw) and we all think alike so we can decipher her actions as intention then, well, a bit naive, really.

Stop overthinking and do something. Or don't.

StaunchMomma · 07/12/2023 19:34

Also, have you ever heard of the concept of men and women being friends?

Begsthequestion · 07/12/2023 19:38

Maybe this woman is interested in both you and the other guy. That's not a crime is it? She's single and you've not even asked her out on a date.

Or maybe, as she said, he's her friend.

The fact you want to play mind games by being unresponsive to test how she feels is a red flag.

If you want to know how she feels, ask her.

LittleGreenDragons · 07/12/2023 19:45

Hell I’m even her second best friend on Snapchat
What the heck does that even mean? I've never heard an adult talk like this.

But anyway. Fancying or wanting to date someone is not about knowing them the longest, it's about compatibility and similar interests/humour. Just ask her out.

SkaneTos · 07/12/2023 19:48

Ask her out.
She will say yes or no.
Good luck!

Socialyawkward · 07/12/2023 19:48

Please don't tell me you're some young lad ? If so.. probably hop down to your own mum for advice instead of mumsnet

Socialyawkward · 07/12/2023 19:51

But from the good spirited side I guess .. if you're interested ask her out don't pay no interest in snap score snap ratings ... messaging patterns ect technology will kill human race at this rate 🤣

Shaggalicious · 07/12/2023 19:53

You're gonna have to be brave and ask her.

Original poster
CNP1225 · 07/12/2023 20:24

We’re both 21 lol

OP posts:
DatingDinosaur · 07/12/2023 22:00

Well if she's definitely into you, ask her out. She's obviously going to say yes if she's definitely into you.

Especially if you're her second best friend on snapchat and she sends you drunk texts.

Original poster
CNP1225 · 07/12/2023 23:20

@DatingDinosaur Was that sarcasm

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 07/12/2023 23:52

CNP1225 · 07/12/2023 20:24

We’re both 21 lol

At some point, you're going to have to realise that grown ups ask each other things to clarify relationships.

Why do you think we'd know how she feels, when you don't? You know her.

Lavender14 · 07/12/2023 23:56

Would it affect your job in any way if you ask her out and she accepts/ declines? Would it affect her job in any way?

Provided it would cause neither of you an issue then you just need to cut through all the nonsense and be direct. Tell her you like her and you'd like to take her out on a date but if she's not interested then you'll respect her decision and you can move forward as friends. If you want to know what she thinks and feels then you're going to need to ask her.

If its likely to affect either of your jobs then leave it alone and look elsewhere.

Panaa · 08/12/2023 00:18

Nobodythatmatters · 07/12/2023 19:09

I really struggle with this "girl" usage. A "girl " is someone under 18. If she is over 18 she is a "woman" or possibly a " young woman". So is this female you are talking about actually a 17 year old or even younger?

'Girl' is commonly used in plenty of places to describe women.

It's even in dictionaries.

Normally it's used to describe young women but where I live there doesn't seem to be an age.
My granny calls all of her friends 'girls' and she's in her 80s.

Watchkeys · 08/12/2023 00:23

Girl' is commonly used in plenty of places to describe women

And women commonly find it demeaning, belittling and patronising, @Panaa Had you not heard?

Minglingpringle · 08/12/2023 00:24

No point second guessing it. Show her you’re interested and find out. If she rejects you, you’re no worse off. Better off, in fact, because then you’ll know and can move on.

THEGUYWHOKNOWSITALL · 08/12/2023 00:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Panaa · 08/12/2023 00:29

Watchkeys · 08/12/2023 00:23

Girl' is commonly used in plenty of places to describe women

And women commonly find it demeaning, belittling and patronising, @Panaa Had you not heard?

Some do but there's no need to feign confusion.

It's like the way when people say vagina when they mean vulva, some people pretend to get confused by it when they know well what they mean.

Also plenty of women like being called 'girl' unless it's in a work setting.

Watchkeys · 08/12/2023 00:43

Some do but there's no need to feign confusion

Thanks for the heads up, @Panaa , it's good to have some guidance from someone in the know about how we should be conducting ourselves.