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Original poster

I have a fever and DH has gone out on a jolly after riling up the kids

39 replies

KCSIE · 07/12/2023 17:08

He's been away for almost 3 weeks with work (and been able to tag on visiting friends in the locale at the same time), he's come back, and now is straight out on a jolly. Kids are 3yo and 7m. When he got back from his trip he left a massive pile of washing outside our laundry cupboard. I ignored it. He moved it inside the laundry cupboard. I ignored it. Even my 3yo knows to put their clothes in the laundry basket at the end of the day. He asked why I hadn't done his washing. I told him because the washing basket was empty. Arse.

I'm so tired and run down I can't even think straight and left my bag on the bus earlier. I'm running a fever and ache to the core. He riled up the 3yo and made all sorts of promises about outings that I would take them on today (whilst ill, in the sodding rain). Then he went on his jolly. Did I mention I am unwell?

He's in the spare room tonight. No help with baby night wakings is better than expecting help with baby night wakings and receiving none.

I know there is a lot of underlying resentment. I'm not going to drip feed the rest of my 'he's a knob' woes. There's too many! I probably should LTB.

Just need to vent. Send hot chocolate and hot water bottles.

OP posts:
contactus · 07/12/2023 17:12

You sound like you despise him

He sounds like he despises you

OP it’s dead in the water

MoMandaS · 07/12/2023 17:12

Can't believe he's gone out under those circs.

contactus · 07/12/2023 17:14

Does he usually dump his clothes outside of laundry basket

Does he usually do limited childcare?

is it a total surprise to you that he would go out with you feeling very ill?

Original poster
KCSIE · 07/12/2023 17:19

contactus · 07/12/2023 17:14

Does he usually dump his clothes outside of laundry basket

Does he usually do limited childcare?

is it a total surprise to you that he would go out with you feeling very ill?

Once when 3yo was a baby I was really ill with mastitis, he helped out then. Not since, now I think of it though. He had COVID, world ending, took the day off and went to bed. I caught COVID, still did everything household and childcare.

OP posts:
contactus · 07/12/2023 17:20

op this is going to be a horrible environment for your children to grow up in

Yankeescot · 07/12/2023 17:23

Omg, he sounds dire!!! He's been gone for 3 weeks, dumps his dirty clothes and leaves on a jolly right after returning home. And comes home to his ill wife who is managing a toddler and an infant while ill and asks why his washing hasn't been done!??!! Seriously?

It would be game over for me. Absolutely game over. What a dick! I hope you feel better soon OP.

Original poster
KCSIE · 07/12/2023 17:25

contactus · 07/12/2023 17:20

op this is going to be a horrible environment for your children to grow up in

Yeah I know and this is what breaks my heart.

OP posts:
contactus · 07/12/2023 17:27

KCSIE · 07/12/2023 17:25

Yeah I know and this is what breaks my heart.

Show quote history

So you have no intention of ether marriage counselling or leaving him?

I am a single parent and let me assure you that my children have had and continue to have a very happy and settled childhood. No arguing adults, no tense silences, no resentment

TeaMistress · 07/12/2023 17:32

So does this inconsiderate lazy bellend have any redeeming qualities. Why stay married to a selfish pig who treats you like his maid and dumps his dirty washing and expects you to actually do it.

He then fucks off on a jolly after already having spent time away for a "work trip". He's left you in sole charge of your small children while you are poorly and he has deliberately wound them up knowing you were ill....what a fucking arsehole.

Honestly OP. i would be kicking his arse out and dumping his dirty washing on the front lawn. Then filing for divorce.

TeaMistress · 07/12/2023 17:34

KCSIE · 07/12/2023 17:25

Yeah I know and this is what breaks my heart.

Show quote history

Let us help you find a way out of this situation. You don't have to stay married to this vile selfish pig. You and your children deserve better.

pikkumyy77 · 07/12/2023 17:50

I totally would have thrown the laundry out in the rain. I can’t imagine how bad things are that this person has two young children and doesn’t take any coparent responsibility. I mean does he think you spontaneously fissioned and had these babies on your own? I presume his home life was crap so this is what he thinks fatherhood is. But if so its a lost cause. Just get out as soon as you can.

Original poster
KCSIE · 07/12/2023 17:56

pikkumyy77 · 07/12/2023 17:50

I totally would have thrown the laundry out in the rain. I can’t imagine how bad things are that this person has two young children and doesn’t take any coparent responsibility. I mean does he think you spontaneously fissioned and had these babies on your own? I presume his home life was crap so this is what he thinks fatherhood is. But if so its a lost cause. Just get out as soon as you can.

His home life was very settled growing up and I love the relationship his parents have, they are exceptional role models and there is nothing but mutual respect and adoration between them.

OP posts:
contactus · 07/12/2023 18:10

but mutual respect and adoration between them.

but your children are witnessing the polar opposite

Coconutter24 · 07/12/2023 18:14

KCSIE · 07/12/2023 17:25

Yeah I know and this is what breaks my heart.

Show quote history

So don’t allow it and make changes like leaving him

SevenMoon · 07/12/2023 18:17

Why didn't he do his own washing? He sounds useless.

Duckingella · 07/12/2023 18:19

Why are you doing his laundry?;is he incapable of using a washing machine?

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 07/12/2023 19:04

Sending chocolate and hot water bottles as requested, @KCSIE. Also, if you have the capacity to think through the fog of your miserable illness and his miserable behaviour, ponder on what you would say to your best friend if she were to have written your opening post?

EggNoggin · 07/12/2023 19:14

KCSIE · 07/12/2023 17:25

Yeah I know and this is what breaks my heart.

Show quote history

So you've no intention of doing anything about it?

Lilibert456 · 07/12/2023 19:17

As long as you allow him to treat you like a slave with zero respect and consideration then he will do so. Better off without him.

GoldDuster · 07/12/2023 19:18

Yes, he's a knob. But you can leave at any time and for any reason you like. It sounds like you've got a few to choose from.

Sticking with this and choosing to let your children watch this resentment and disrespect play out of ther course of their childhoods won't be doing them the favour you think it will.

Original poster
KCSIE · 07/12/2023 19:20

SevenMoon · 07/12/2023 18:17

Why didn't he do his own washing? He sounds useless.

He did eventually when he worked out I wasn't going to.

He used to live by himself at one point in our relationship so he's perfectly capable at being a fully functional adult. Even before children he'd pitch in equally and we'd help each other out. I don't know why that stopped. 18 years together.

OP posts:
takemehomecountryroads · 07/12/2023 19:20

TeaMistress · 07/12/2023 17:32

So does this inconsiderate lazy bellend have any redeeming qualities. Why stay married to a selfish pig who treats you like his maid and dumps his dirty washing and expects you to actually do it.

He then fucks off on a jolly after already having spent time away for a "work trip". He's left you in sole charge of your small children while you are poorly and he has deliberately wound them up knowing you were ill....what a fucking arsehole.

Honestly OP. i would be kicking his arse out and dumping his dirty washing on the front lawn. Then filing for divorce.

This.

You deserve so much better than this.

SecondUsername4me · 07/12/2023 19:21

Well, your kids are going to see this and think this is what they should accept in a marriage.

Heartbreaktuna · 07/12/2023 19:22

Did he not miss his family? The callous indifference going out after being away for so long, when you're so ill, is heart breaking. I am so sorry OP.

LightSpeeds · 07/12/2023 19:27

Heartbreaktuna · 07/12/2023 19:22

Did he not miss his family? The callous indifference going out after being away for so long, when you're so ill, is heart breaking. I am so sorry OP.

^This

Sending you a big warm hug x