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Original poster

Boyfriend and Snapchat

76 replies

Unsure9777 · 06/12/2023 02:35

So my boyfriend has always said he doesn't have Snapchat,no reason for me not to believe him.

But today a friend convinced me to download it for some silly filters, just for fun.
But when I downloaded it,it shows people who's numbers you have in your phone that have Snapchat,so you can add them, my boyfriend was one of them.

I asked him about it,as he said he doesn't have it 🧐
He told me he had deleted it before we started dating a few years ago and he doesn't know why it still shows

I don't know about this stuff, would it still show now if he had deleted it?

I know my friends have has bfs that have used Snapchat as a way to cheat before,so I'm unsure

It has his date of birth an avatar and a snap score?
Am I being too suspicious?

It's just I've heard a few times that Snapchat is a popular way for men to cheat

OP posts:
littlebopeepp234 · 06/12/2023 10:44

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 06/12/2023 07:57

If you'd bothered to look at my second comment, you'd see I said he hasn't responded to the friend's second message. And indeed it does show up on his screen when a screenshot has been taken.

Show quote history

Errr no! Go back and read your comment! You said he hasn’t responded to IT! No 2nd message was mentioned!!! And how do you know he hasn’t replied to the 2nd message, just because it was screenshot before he had time to reply, doesn’t mean he hasn’t! Also the point of the op is that he is lying and saying he doesn’t use Snapchat when he clearly does!! Not sure what the point of your argument is about!

Chelsea543 · 06/12/2023 11:22

I was going to say that loads of people have the app and don’t use it (like me) but it will show that they are still on Snapchat.

However he has responded to your friend so yes he must be active on it.

You have a few options:

  1. Leave him for lying that he doesn’t have/use it when he does. Although you have no proof he is cheating but I would personally demand he shows you the app and who he’s following on there - even then all his messages will be deleted so you’ll never truly know what he’s up to.
  2. Monitor his snap score - if it goes up you know he’s active on the app.
  3. Get your friend to message more - although the fact she screenshot it will have alerted him to the fact she screenshot it so he’ll now be wary of her and will probably be more careful.
  4. Stay with him and give him the benefit of the doubt that he’s being faithful and honest. You’ll soon see otherwise if like I said his snap score changes.
ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 06/12/2023 12:11

littlebopeepp234 · 06/12/2023 10:44

Errr no! Go back and read your comment! You said he hasn’t responded to IT! No 2nd message was mentioned!!! And how do you know he hasn’t replied to the 2nd message, just because it was screenshot before he had time to reply, doesn’t mean he hasn’t! Also the point of the op is that he is lying and saying he doesn’t use Snapchat when he clearly does!! Not sure what the point of your argument is about!

Show quote history

From my post: "As in he hasn't responded to the latest message."

Really? You can't establish from that that I'm suggesting he didn't respond to the last message?

Are you the OP or the friend? You seem heavily invested in my opinion otherwise.

Whether he is lying or not, there is no need for childish game playing and getting people to message to try and catch him out. If the role was reversed here and OP said their boyfriend was getting his mate to message her on an app to try and catch her out then this thread would likely suggest his actions to be highly inappropriate.

littlebopeepp234 · 06/12/2023 12:22

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 06/12/2023 12:11

From my post: "As in he hasn't responded to the latest message."

Really? You can't establish from that that I'm suggesting he didn't respond to the last message?

Are you the OP or the friend? You seem heavily invested in my opinion otherwise.

Whether he is lying or not, there is no need for childish game playing and getting people to message to try and catch him out. If the role was reversed here and OP said their boyfriend was getting his mate to message her on an app to try and catch her out then this thread would likely suggest his actions to be highly inappropriate.

Show quote history

oh right so if it was your bf you wouldn’t care if he was lying and potentially cheating then! Your standards must be pretty low!

And no it wasn’t obvious what you was talking about in your first comment and coming on a public discussion board calling the op’s friend idiotic because she is trying to help her friend is way more childish!! For a start why would he lie and say he isn’t on snap chat when he clearly is then straight away replies to a message from a random woman who’s added him? Why not tell op he is on Snapchat if he is! It’s this sort of lying behaviour that makes women want to resort to ‘childish game playing’ (as you like to call it).

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 06/12/2023 13:10

littlebopeepp234 · 06/12/2023 12:22

oh right so if it was your bf you wouldn’t care if he was lying and potentially cheating then! Your standards must be pretty low!

And no it wasn’t obvious what you was talking about in your first comment and coming on a public discussion board calling the op’s friend idiotic because she is trying to help her friend is way more childish!! For a start why would he lie and say he isn’t on snap chat when he clearly is then straight away replies to a message from a random woman who’s added him? Why not tell op he is on Snapchat if he is! It’s this sort of lying behaviour that makes women want to resort to ‘childish game playing’ (as you like to call it).

Edited
Show quote history

I'm quite happily single thank you, but I've never actually gotten someone to message a partner to catch them out in some way no, because if I had seen behaviour I felt affected my trust with someone then they would just be gone. I wouldn't appreciate anyone adding me to try and get me to speak then screenshotting what I say, I find that bizarre.

I don't know why he told her he wasn't on Snapchat for goodness sake, I'm not condoning that he didn't. I simply think in that case, a conversation needs to be had and an agreement reached on whether or not a relationship will continue. Not having friends carry out acts like that and I would not do it to a man on a friend's behalf either. Maybe I'm alone in my thoughts, who knows.

You seem very heavily invested, so if you are in fact the OP then I apologise that we don't share an opinion, but I'll carry on with my day now.

littlebopeepp234 · 06/12/2023 13:18

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 06/12/2023 13:10

I'm quite happily single thank you, but I've never actually gotten someone to message a partner to catch them out in some way no, because if I had seen behaviour I felt affected my trust with someone then they would just be gone. I wouldn't appreciate anyone adding me to try and get me to speak then screenshotting what I say, I find that bizarre.

I don't know why he told her he wasn't on Snapchat for goodness sake, I'm not condoning that he didn't. I simply think in that case, a conversation needs to be had and an agreement reached on whether or not a relationship will continue. Not having friends carry out acts like that and I would not do it to a man on a friend's behalf either. Maybe I'm alone in my thoughts, who knows.

You seem very heavily invested, so if you are in fact the OP then I apologise that we don't share an opinion, but I'll carry on with my day now.

Show quote history

It does make me smile when I see people on here claiming they would leave if something affected their trust or “if you don’t trust them then the relationship has run its course” it’s much easier just to spout that on here rather than actually do it in real life when you’re already emotionally invested in someone and probably in love or at least have feelings for them! 🤣

Well it sounds like op has had this ‘conversation that needed to be had’ with her bf and he has flat out denied being on Snapchat and fed her some bullshit story so the conversation route doesn’t work either. He will just deny, deny, deny and come up with bullshit excuse after bullshit excuse so like I said, there is no wonder op and her friend have resorted to what you like to call ‘childish game playing’!

You also seem very heavily invested… so much so you have resorted to personal insults of the op and her friend by calling them ‘idiotic’ and ‘childish’! But anyway….

Original poster
Unsure9777 · 07/12/2023 02:05

Dj2020 · 06/12/2023 06:11

Yeah he's definitely lying. He's replied to your friend so he definitely is on Snapchat. Does he know your friend?

He doesn't have her number so he wouldn't have known it's her

OP posts:
Original poster
Unsure9777 · 07/12/2023 02:08

GreyCarpet · 06/12/2023 07:11

You can message peoplenakdnthe messages disappear once read. So it's a popular way for people to cheat because there's no evidence.

OP, I think you should have said in your first post that he'd messaged your friend because a lot of people will respond to your op without realising he's messaged her.

It appears that the OP's bf made the first contact? Either way, he couldn't have messaged if he'd deleted the app because it wouldn't be on his phone so he wouldn't know about it.

I'd also ask her to send another message. See what's his response is.

Show quote history

He didn't message first.
I got Snapchat recently because someone wanted to use a silly filter thing, he'd always said he never had it.
But when I downloaded it,it shows people in your phone contact list that have Snapchat already.

I saw him and I immediately deleted it and got my friend to add him and message him first, he replied

OP posts:
Original poster
Unsure9777 · 07/12/2023 02:09

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 06/12/2023 07:22

As in he hasn't responded to the latest message. Where they randomly said hello again, which makes it even more obvious after taking a screenshot 🙄

Lying aside, I don't see how it's okay for you to have it but say he can't.

Show quote history

I obviously don't mind if he has it,I just don't know why he would lie about it.
And yes you are right,the screenshot gives it away a bit

OP posts:
Original poster
Unsure9777 · 07/12/2023 02:10

Yes , she should probably have waited before the screenshot,a bit late now unfortunately

OP posts:
Original poster
Unsure9777 · 07/12/2023 02:14

Chelsea543 · 06/12/2023 11:22

I was going to say that loads of people have the app and don’t use it (like me) but it will show that they are still on Snapchat.

However he has responded to your friend so yes he must be active on it.

You have a few options:

  1. Leave him for lying that he doesn’t have/use it when he does. Although you have no proof he is cheating but I would personally demand he shows you the app and who he’s following on there - even then all his messages will be deleted so you’ll never truly know what he’s up to.
  2. Monitor his snap score - if it goes up you know he’s active on the app.
  3. Get your friend to message more - although the fact she screenshot it will have alerted him to the fact she screenshot it so he’ll now be wary of her and will probably be more careful.
  4. Stay with him and give him the benefit of the doubt that he’s being faithful and honest. You’ll soon see otherwise if like I said his snap score changes.

I don't have any other reason to not trust him and I don't know anything about how Snapchat works so maybe it's an old account

OP posts:
Original poster
Unsure9777 · 07/12/2023 02:16

littlebopeepp234 · 06/12/2023 13:18

It does make me smile when I see people on here claiming they would leave if something affected their trust or “if you don’t trust them then the relationship has run its course” it’s much easier just to spout that on here rather than actually do it in real life when you’re already emotionally invested in someone and probably in love or at least have feelings for them! 🤣

Well it sounds like op has had this ‘conversation that needed to be had’ with her bf and he has flat out denied being on Snapchat and fed her some bullshit story so the conversation route doesn’t work either. He will just deny, deny, deny and come up with bullshit excuse after bullshit excuse so like I said, there is no wonder op and her friend have resorted to what you like to call ‘childish game playing’!

You also seem very heavily invested… so much so you have resorted to personal insults of the op and her friend by calling them ‘idiotic’ and ‘childish’! But anyway….

Edited
Show quote history

It wasn't a big conversation, just do you have Snapchat? No, fine

Wasn't a reason for me to think he was lying

OP posts:
MrsGarethSouthgate · 07/12/2023 02:26

He might not have her number but her account might still show up with her name, depending on how she set it up. So he might be replying because he knows her.

Original poster
Unsure9777 · 07/12/2023 02:43

Yeah I'm just going to forget it,he hasn't mentioned anything about any messages or anything.

I don't have any reason to not trust him

Maybe it's just an old account he forgot about
Unfortunately my friend screenshot a bit too soon so I'll never know

OP posts:
roseheartfly · 07/12/2023 03:44

Your gut is telling you something. Listen to it.

littlebopeepp234 · 07/12/2023 05:13

Unsure9777 · 07/12/2023 02:16

It wasn't a big conversation, just do you have Snapchat? No, fine

Wasn't a reason for me to think he was lying

Show quote history

Wasn’t a reason for you to think he was lying….
Well he obviously was lying because

  1. He told you he doesn’t have it
  2. He told you he used to have it but deleted the app
  3. If he had deleted the app then he wouldn’t know that your friend messaged him as he wouldn’t get notifications r have access to snapchat, therefore wouldn’t have been able to reply to your friend

But anyway it’s your choice…..

swuahies · 07/12/2023 06:29

Exactly what @littlebopeepp234 says!
I wouldn't care if my DP had Snapchat or not, but I'd care about the dishonesty.
Why lie if you're not doing anything wrong?

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 07/12/2023 06:37

He's clearly lying about using Snapchat so what else is he lying about?

GreyCarpet · 07/12/2023 07:20

Unsure9777 · 07/12/2023 02:14

I don't have any other reason to not trust him and I don't know anything about how Snapchat works so maybe it's an old account

Show quote history

I don't know much about snappchat either.

I only know what I do because my daughter and her friends use it! 🙄

Unfortunately, I know quite a bit about lying men...

What I would say is this.

Even if it were an old account, and even if he didn’t ever use it anymore, he'd still have to have the app to be notified of your friend messaging him. He has told you outright that he doesn't have it.

That's the lie.

People generally only lie if they have reason to hide the truth. Why would someone want to hide the truth from you? It's because they don't want you to know what they are doing. Why would they not want you to know what they are doing? Usually because they are embarrassed or because they don't want you to make a choice that is right for you that impacts negatively on them.

If you do choose to forget about it, and I can see why you would want to do that, I would be mindful of it going forward. It is likely to play on your mind a bit because lies are incongruent with the truth and the incongruence here is that he replied to your friend on an app he claims not to have.

"Maybe it's an old account" is you trying to fit a square peg into a round hole because he told you he doesn't have it.

It's hard when someone has given you no obvious other reasons not to trust them because it feels like such a small thing to end a relationship over. But it's a very small door behind which lies a whole other world.

littlebopeepp234 · 07/12/2023 07:32

Unsure9777 · 07/12/2023 02:43

Yeah I'm just going to forget it,he hasn't mentioned anything about any messages or anything.

I don't have any reason to not trust him

Maybe it's just an old account he forgot about
Unfortunately my friend screenshot a bit too soon so I'll never know

Well he isn’t going to mention the messages is he! If he is up to no good using it to chat to women he isn’t going to admit it is he! in fact saying he doesn’t use it when he clearly does seems a bit suspicious to me.
He conveniently hasn’t mentioned that he has Snapchat at all and denied having it when you asked him, told you it was an old account and he deleted the app - he hasn’t! If he had deleted the app he wouldn’t have know your friend had messaged him, but he obviously saw that she has and replied so he definitely has the app and it’s not deleted! Therefore it is not an old account, it is still very active and in use!

Peacheroo · 07/12/2023 13:11

His excuse sounds reasonable but he must be really stupid to tell you he doesn't have it and then reply to your friend.

Are you sure it's him?

Peacheroo · 07/12/2023 13:12

He doesn't have her number but it doesn't show numbers, it's shows usernames.

Bobbotgegrinch · 07/12/2023 13:54

Unfortunately, the message to your friend tells you nothing.

He could have still had the app on his phone and not realised. I've got loads of apps on my phone that I've not used in years, I've just checked and apparently snapchat is one of them despite the fact that I've not used it in about 5 years. Hell, I think some phones even come with snapchat pre-installed.

Do you have any other inkling that he's cheating on you, or have you leapt to that based on the fact that he might once have used a social media platform?

As476 · 07/12/2023 13:59

I had Snapchat YEARS ago. I deleted it from my phone. I had it before avatars were even a thing so although I have a snap score, I don’t have an avatar as that’s a newer thing. If you have an avatar, it’s way more recent than years ago 🥴. Sorry OP.

BodyKeepingScore · 07/12/2023 14:39

What age are you OP? I ask because it's incredibly bizarre that you'd rope your friend into trying to somehow trap your BF rather than simply having an upfront conversation with him?

That's the type of thing my teenage DD and her friends would get up to.

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