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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband cheating???

42 replies

CherrySprite · 05/12/2023 20:52

Hello everyone, I’m new to this and hoping for some input/advice. I’m in my late 40s and my husband in his early 50s. Been married for three years. He seemed to be everything I needed and wanted in a husband. Unfortunately, I have a growing suspicion he’s not being faithful. He takes Viagra, which I knew about early on in our relationship. The issue is that he has multiple opened bottles and is seemingly taking some from each bottle. I’ve started to pay closer attention and noticed he was taking them with him whenever he goes out to gym, work and etc. I’ve asked him about this and he said he would take it to get ready me for when he comes home. I was hesitant but I decided to believe him. After some time, my suspicion hasn’t gone away and today, I noticed another pill was missing and I’m sick so we are not being intimate for that reason. I noticed the pill was gone when he left for the gym. Im trying by very hard to keep a level head and keep it together. I know if I confront him, it’ll turn into an argument saying things like I don’t trust him and etc., so discussing my concerns are out of the question. I’m at a loss.

OP posts:
vernatheraven · 05/12/2023 20:56

How long does viagra last for?

vernatheraven · 05/12/2023 20:57

I mean if he's cheating when he's going the gym, wouldn't he still have an erection when he came home or does it go once they ejaculate?

jersydress · 05/12/2023 20:58

Sorry you're going through this.
I have no experience with this and not sure my advice is right, but before confronting (and getting the inevitable denials) I'd probably see what else I can find out... Credit card statements showing odd payments for hotels/ 'services'? Second SIM card? Has he bought new underwear recently....

Jackfrostnippingatmynose · 05/12/2023 21:13

How long does viagra last - past ejaculation ?
If he says he takes it after the gym, do you always have sex with him when he comes home? Does he shower at home or put his gym kit in the wash?

Pessismistic · 05/12/2023 22:14

Feel your pain in a similar position but not going the gym I keep checking the pack and it varies only problem is I can never remember to check when he's off work we work different shifts only advice I can give is keep watching and get some evidence then approach him. I wish you well. my gut tells me something isn't right then I convince myself he wouldn't but where else are the pills going we don't have enough sex to use them with me. Good luck OP.

Letsdocoffee · 06/12/2023 09:28

I feel your pain OP. I found out my husband had been having an affair for 12 months. We tried to make it work and 12 months later, I found Viagra receipts in his bag - and yes I was snooping, I was still struggling to trust hugely. I checked our messages to see if I could work out where he had been on the date of purchase, he was away on business. I did confront him, he said he had a medical problem that he was too embarrassed to tell me. Yet these were not Dr prescribed, he’d bought them over the counter. I never got to the bottom of it because shortly after, we separated. It was too much now. I would keep doing as you are, try and work out the pattern. Check back as I did to see if there are any coincidences etc. Do you trust that he is actually going to the gym? I got to the point of following my ex to check if his car was where he said he was. It ate me alive frankly. Don’t confront until you have a better picture, because defence will more than likely be the first thing to happen. My hope is there is an explanation and one that actually is a weight lifted for both of you and it’s not the worst case scenario xxx

Original poster
CherrySprite · 06/12/2023 15:05

The Viagra lasts for a hours but his erection goes after ejaculation unless he’s stimulated.

OP posts:
Original poster
CherrySprite · 06/12/2023 15:07

I’m doing my best to stay calm. Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time I noticed him sneaking them out of the house. I think he has it stashed since I’ll be leaving town soon.

OP posts:
Original poster
CherrySprite · 06/12/2023 15:11

It can last for a few hours past ejaculation. There’s been times we didn’t have sex after he’s taken one. Like yesterday, he knew I’m sick but took a Viagra with him before he left for the gym. Afterward, he took a shower and left to help his nephew doing concrete work.

OP posts:
Original poster
CherrySprite · 06/12/2023 15:15

I started to keep count and note the days the pills were missing and where he’s going, like golfing and gym. I hate feeling like this but his moods have been sporadic and we go periods of no sex and it doesn’t seem to phase him. I’m so frustrated by this.

OP posts:
MrsPetty · 06/12/2023 15:19

Is he bisexual by any chance? Depending on the gym he attends they can be quite the gay hook up scene …

Original poster
CherrySprite · 06/12/2023 15:22

It’s very difficult to act like nothing is bothering me while gathering proof. I’m noticing a trend that he sneaks it out sporadically when goes to the gym; go golfing and when I’m out of town. Our sex life isn’t frequent enough to explain the additional missing pills. I’m broken over this. I’ve confronted him numerous times and he always has an excuse that I reluctantly believe but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s up to something.

OP posts:
Original poster
CherrySprite · 06/12/2023 15:25

He’s not but I think there’s a new girl who started going there a few weeks back that he’s mentioned a few times. His son asked him who the girl was and said she was ugly. I found that comment to be random and out of the blue. Maybe that was his son’s way of cuing me in on something.

OP posts:
applebee33 · 06/12/2023 15:52

It doesn't sound good op , can you check his location on Google maps to see if he is really at the gym etc

2jacqi · 06/12/2023 16:11

@CherrySprite Is there anything to actually stop you following him??? get out there and find out where he is going and who with!

Original poster
CherrySprite · 06/12/2023 16:18

That’ll be my next step. My plan is to see if I can follow him in one of my friend’s car since he doesn’t know what her car looks like.

OP posts:
rockingbird · 06/12/2023 16:22

Sounds like someone else is getting his 'wood' literally. Can you see any receipts in his wallet? Smell on his clothes / gym stuff. As others have mentioned buying new underwear/clothes is a dead giveaway. Keep quiet and bide your time, I'm sure a little more proof won't hurt. If your son has mentioned the 'girl at the gym' ask him what he knows about her - in a relaxed fashion without letting on.

Original poster
CherrySprite · 06/12/2023 18:26

That’s something I haven’t thought about. I’ll need to look into how to use Google map to track his location.

OP posts:
Original poster
CherrySprite · 06/12/2023 18:32

I’ve checked receipts and saw nothing out of the norm. I checked his clothes and there weren’t any stains or weird scents. I’m definitely keeping an eye open especially on his pills. I’ll be sure to get a good count on the meds before I head out. If more pills come up missing while I’m away, then I’ll know.

OP posts:
DeepTalkInTheShallowEnd · 06/12/2023 18:48

Is it definitely Viagra or another equivalent like Cialis, etc? I've never known it in bottles only in blister packs.

Isthisexpected · 06/12/2023 18:53

So sorry. There was a golfing cheat last year. The OP figured it out by posting about what was left behind when he supposedly played golf. Denial seems to be all you'll get so you have to be cunning yourself if you need to know more in order to decide your next steps.

acpk55 · 06/12/2023 19:46

Some people believe that taking viagra before going to the gym helps as it will aid blood flow to the heart ( viagra was originally developed as a treatment for angina), but that’s a but of an urban myth unfortunately .

https://www.menshealth.com/health/a23550766/viagra-before-workout/

Viagra Before a Workout? Yup, It's a Thing.

There are risks involved. Many, many risks.

https://www.menshealth.com/health/a23550766/viagra-before-workout/

C1N1C · 06/12/2023 20:03

Outside the box idea that I haven't seen... Viagra is an NO2 booster, which gives you a pump at the gym. It's an expensive pump, but works better than most 'traditional' energy boosters.

Doesn't look great though... as I said, they're not cheap, so I wouldn't be taking them if I wasn't sure I'd be getting lucky.

C1N1C · 06/12/2023 20:04

@acpk55 you beat me to it

category12 · 06/12/2023 20:07

CherrySprite · 06/12/2023 16:18

That’ll be my next step. My plan is to see if I can follow him in one of my friend’s car since he doesn’t know what her car looks like.

Er no. Once you're at the point of thinking about following the guy or tracking him, then you know you have lost all trust and have lost your mind.

Instead you need to get out of the relationship.