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Original poster

What were your weirdes exes? (lighthearted if you like)

37 replies

porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 19:43

What were your weirdest exes?

Mine was probably 'Leonard' who was a high ranking occultist, lived in a squat at 47 (26 years older than me at the time) which he shared with a bloke with a hook for a hand. He also loved all drugs, and liked to have sex on acid (which wouldn't be my cup of tea.)

OP posts:
Original poster
porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 19:44

*weirdest, grr

OP posts:
Whatthefnow · 03/12/2023 19:54

Oh my god op 😂

StrawberryWater · 03/12/2023 19:55

Dude with a bedroom decorated in machetes and other stabby stabby devices.

I pretended I needed to 'freshen up' and noped the hell out of there!

ChoupetteTheCat · 03/12/2023 19:55

What became of Leonard?

Original poster
porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 19:58

ChoupetteTheCat · 03/12/2023 19:55

What became of Leonard?

He's still famous in that niche occult scene. He married quite a sensible woman with her own house up north, once he gave up on his dreams of wider fame and fortune. As far as I know he still likes drugs. Still ticking over in his seventies despite the blood borne disease.

OP posts:
SunshineAndFizz · 03/12/2023 20:07

porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 19:43

What were your weirdest exes?

Mine was probably 'Leonard' who was a high ranking occultist, lived in a squat at 47 (26 years older than me at the time) which he shared with a bloke with a hook for a hand. He also loved all drugs, and liked to have sex on acid (which wouldn't be my cup of tea.)

I'm not sure this can be topped OP 🤣

I have many questions, but mainly why were you with him?!

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 03/12/2023 20:10

A man who I found out was 31 when I was 15!! His front room was decorated with empty beer cans. Bedroom walls with bin bags. Never slept with him. He turned up at school pretending to be a police man.. No idea why. Bought me a wedding dress and a puppy. All shades of grooming there....

Original poster
porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 20:12

why were you with him?!

I thought he had great occult secrets of the universe. He was ok looking, too.

OP posts:
Original poster
porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 20:13

@Santaiswashinghissleigh brrrrrr! Weird and creepy. Glad you escaped intact.

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merrywidow · 03/12/2023 20:58

Bloke who drove a Citroen 2CV around with the doors held shut with coat hangers, had a tattoo on his face and lived in a disused church. He invited me to sleep with him on the alter - I declined.

Needless to say it never really got past a couple of dates.

Original poster
porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 21:13

@merrywidow Wow, sounds like a 'Friend of Leonard.'

OP posts:
Original poster
porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 21:18

@merrywidow How did you meet him? I met 'Len' when he came and gave a talk locally to flog one of his books.

OP posts:
vidflex · 03/12/2023 21:20

Rex who ate only a raw fruit, vegetable, nuts and seeds diet. I had to dump him as he just constantly let wind. Smelt like a pack of dry roast peanuts.

merrywidow · 03/12/2023 21:26

@porridgeisbae how I met him is lost in the mists of time, it was over 30 years ago though my guess is at some dodgy alternative night club I used to frequent from the Time Out listings

jobono · 03/12/2023 21:28

I dated a boy in my teens who was pretty odd, a very compelling personality and not without talent (he was in a band) but he never washed any of his clothing and he smelled like stew. He was only 19 but almost completely bald and had an elaborate comb over. I went to his bedsit where be made me baked beans and served them to me on an old LP cover with a spoon to eat them with. Then he said he would take me out for dessert, which meant I was to keep a look out while he shoplifted some iced doughnuts from the supermarket.

He was totally in love with me for about 2 months when he wooed me with weird paintings and poetry before we started dating and then for about 2 weeks after before he totally lost interest and ghosted me (it did happen in the 90s), I didn't find out till later that this was his usual pattern. It was a lucky escape as shortly after he became addicted to heroin and ended up in prison due to the crimes he committed to support his habit. He wrote to me from prison and asked me if I'd have him back. I didn't respond.

He's still about now in a band being weird but he's in recover and I wish him well.

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 21:29

A guy who said ‘boom’ and ‘woosh’ after every sentence - ‘had a great day, boom !!’
Also said ‘I’m on fire’ a lot, pity he wasn’t

Original poster
porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 22:09

@Pewpewbarneymcgrew Oh dear, did you go out with/shag him for long?

There was also one who said there was no need for a condom because he used magic spells for contraception. I mixed in some weird circles in my 20s.

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SamW98 · 03/12/2023 22:24

A bloke I met while working in Magalluf when I was 18 who was obsessed with George Michael to the point he asked everyone to call him George (his name was Steve) and his best mate wanted to be called Andrew (he was Darren). They dressed like Wham - Choose Life t shirts, very tight white shorts, big bleach blonde hair, hoop earrings. He also used Wham lyrics in his every day speech and did the GM finger clicking dance to every bloody song

It seemed ok that summer in Spain but when we came back to England and met at Liverpool Street, seeing this strange tangoed bouffant haired man among the suited and booted types, suddenly I stopped feeling it and just thought ‘omg what am I doing’

Original poster
porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 22:34

@SamW98 Oh dear lol. I wonder where he is now? Have you had a spy on Facebook? I imagine/hope he grew out of it.

OP posts:
Ollifer · 03/12/2023 22:38

It's not often I laugh out loud at Mumsnet threads but this has really set me off. Nowt so queer as folk as they say 😂😂

SamW98 · 03/12/2023 22:48

porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 22:34

@SamW98 Oh dear lol. I wonder where he is now? Have you had a spy on Facebook? I imagine/hope he grew out of it.

Of Course I have 🤣 from what I’ve seen on FB he’s now in NZ and got a really good job

I can still picture my dad’s face when I took him home. Thankfully I lived in London and he was as in the midlands so it fizzled out very quickly.

Funny how in the summer sun in Spain someone seems attractive then in England in November, the appeal isn’t quite the same.

Thisbastardcomputer · 03/12/2023 22:57

I walked from my long time relationship with the ex head boy at our school, after he thumped me in the face and chipped one of my teeth.

I was stalked, lots of 'accidental' bumping into me, we lived twenty miles apart, so it was orchestrated on his part, turning up at nightclubs with other girls, probably thought I'd be jealous and want him back. Police were involved.

He ended up as MD of one of the country's leading builders merchants, I've always had a google just to check and keep my distance.

A lucky escape I think, I often wondered if he beat his wife.

MenopauseSucks · 03/12/2023 23:03

I had a male lover from South Wales who loved the fact that I was a woman.
Never wanted me to shave body hair, my flooding periods never fazed him, hell he would even go down on me when I was wearing a tampon.
Made me feel very confident in my body.

He ghosted me. Then I received a letter from him.
He had been jailed after a police sting when he was looking at images of child sexual abuse online. His sentence was 5+ years so God knows what he was looking it.
His family hadn't gone to the trial & had disowned him. I didn't reply.

I just found it very hard to believe that he would go from desiring an adult human female to small children.
(And no, I don't have children).

Original poster
porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 23:22

@SamW98 I suppose he's stopped doing the hair and tan? Grin She's probably changed it now (I think they mostly discontinued it in the UK anyway) but an ex-friend used to wear exactly the same lipstick we did as teenage goths, into her mid 30s. Grin

@Thisbastardcomputer So sorry to hear that, glad you escaped.

@MenopauseSucks Ugh, how disturbing for you. Sad Most men who are into children aren't exclusively into children; they have wives etc. Porn can also send some men down a rabit hole maybe, where they look at worse and worse stuff. I'm glad you didn't get back with him.

OP posts:
IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 04/12/2023 05:18

Wasn't weird in other ways but I used to date someone who did these long extended swears whenever he came. A genuinely 30+ seconds of him being like "fuuu--uuuckkkk" or "chrissttttt" or "shittt fucking shitttt"; all groaned in a positive sense. Flattering? Sure. But I also used to really have to fight hard not to get the giggles (sometimes unsuccessfully).

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