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Original poster

Miss my friend

27 replies

Poundshop · 03/12/2023 18:02

We fell out a couple of years ago.

She got very hurt and upset by something she thought I did but didn't.

I have tried to convince her that I didn't do what she thinks I did, but she doesn't believe me.

Recently, I contacted her to try and make amends, but she replied asking me not to contact me again.

She has been so kind to me and I miss her.

I just need to let this out...

How do I recover from the loss of a precious friendship?

OP posts:
wineoclock90 · 03/12/2023 18:05

In time will get better. X

Original poster
Poundshop · 03/12/2023 20:30

wineoclock90 · 03/12/2023 18:05

In time will get better. X

Thank you x

OP posts:
rwc2023 · 03/12/2023 20:33

I've had a couple of friendships end .... and I've told myself that they clearly didn't value the friendship as much as I did, if they weren't prepared to give me a few minutes to discuss what had happened.

Whether I believe that fully, or its a coping mechanism, I'm not sure .... but it's working for now.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 03/12/2023 20:53

Do you want to be friends with someone who doesn't give you the chance to explain yourself? Who is willing to think the worst of you and not allow you to respond? Because this is who she has shown herself to be. Take heart in the fact that although there are clearly wonderful parts to her, because if THESE parts of her character, you are better off without her as a friend.

TooMuchTimeOnMN · 03/12/2023 21:04

I cut a friend off a few years ago, explained why to her. She denied everything even though I was confident in everything I was saying. If you ask her why we no longer speak I'm sure she'd deny any wrong doing.

She was one of my closest friends but I never want her back in my life. She's tried twice over the years to make contact and each time I was polite and responded with 1 message but had no interest in starting anything back up.

Are you in denial regarding what happened between you or how much you upset/hurt her? Women don't generally cut someone out of their lives until they have been pushed and given many chances.

SecretVictoria · 03/12/2023 22:48

TooMuchTimeOnMN · 03/12/2023 21:04

I cut a friend off a few years ago, explained why to her. She denied everything even though I was confident in everything I was saying. If you ask her why we no longer speak I'm sure she'd deny any wrong doing.

She was one of my closest friends but I never want her back in my life. She's tried twice over the years to make contact and each time I was polite and responded with 1 message but had no interest in starting anything back up.

Are you in denial regarding what happened between you or how much you upset/hurt her? Women don't generally cut someone out of their lives until they have been pushed and given many chances.

That’s not exactly true. Someone I’d been friends with for 30 years cut me off because I didn’t attend her wedding. For context, it was miles away (3-4 hour drive), middle of nowhere so not many accommodation options, we’d have both needed new outfits, someone to mind the dog for three days, a present (they asked for money, tacky as fuck). It would’ve cost as much as a holiday, we couldn’t afford it without missing out on our actual holiday, which I wasn’t prepared to do.

I was just a guest, not a bridesmaid or anything but she deleted me the week after. We haven’t spoken since. I don’t think there’s any point reaching out, she made her decision 2 years ago.

Original poster
Poundshop · 04/12/2023 01:34

rwc2023 · 03/12/2023 20:33

I've had a couple of friendships end .... and I've told myself that they clearly didn't value the friendship as much as I did, if they weren't prepared to give me a few minutes to discuss what had happened.

Whether I believe that fully, or its a coping mechanism, I'm not sure .... but it's working for now.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Poundshop · 04/12/2023 01:35

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 03/12/2023 20:53

Do you want to be friends with someone who doesn't give you the chance to explain yourself? Who is willing to think the worst of you and not allow you to respond? Because this is who she has shown herself to be. Take heart in the fact that although there are clearly wonderful parts to her, because if THESE parts of her character, you are better off without her as a friend.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Poundshop · 04/12/2023 01:36

TooMuchTimeOnMN · 03/12/2023 21:04

I cut a friend off a few years ago, explained why to her. She denied everything even though I was confident in everything I was saying. If you ask her why we no longer speak I'm sure she'd deny any wrong doing.

She was one of my closest friends but I never want her back in my life. She's tried twice over the years to make contact and each time I was polite and responded with 1 message but had no interest in starting anything back up.

Are you in denial regarding what happened between you or how much you upset/hurt her? Women don't generally cut someone out of their lives until they have been pushed and given many chances.

I think I may be in denial about the friendship ending.

Your friend sounds manipulative.

OP posts:
Original poster
Poundshop · 04/12/2023 01:37

Secretvictoria - that is atrocious. Some people are ridiculous about weddings.

OP posts:
FedUpMumof10YO · 04/12/2023 03:43

She'll regret it in time.

Original poster
Poundshop · 04/12/2023 04:09

FedUpMumof10YO · 04/12/2023 03:43

She'll regret it in time.

Grin
OP posts:
Planesmistakenforstars · 04/12/2023 14:10

Treat it like you would any relationship breakup. Respect her decision, give yourself time to mourn the loss of the friendship, then put yourself out there and make new friends. You are clearly a kind and thoughtful person for it to have affected you this much. That bodes well for finding another good friend.

Original poster
Poundshop · 04/12/2023 15:32

Planesmistakenforstars · 04/12/2023 14:10

Treat it like you would any relationship breakup. Respect her decision, give yourself time to mourn the loss of the friendship, then put yourself out there and make new friends. You are clearly a kind and thoughtful person for it to have affected you this much. That bodes well for finding another good friend.

Thank you Flowers

OP posts:
Chalkdowns · 04/12/2023 23:28

This happened to me actually, my friend mistook and misunderstood something and held it against me for ages. I explained myself but she refused to listen. Hee own insecurities were bigger than our friendship. It’s really sad for me but there was no way back.

Frustratingly many years later she blames me to anyone who will listen which feels very unjust but there we go!

Popcorn23 · 05/12/2023 03:48

My friend of 10 years cut me off when I told her I was getting married. She went completely no contact and didn't attend the wedding. Its been a few years now and it does get better.

A few things have helped. Knowing it is her issues that drove it and not mine (she had always wanted to be married first). Knowing she is just carrying on with her life whilst I was lamenting a lost friendship (what a waste of time!) Knowing I have no control over the situation (I messaged but no response).

You don't need people like that in your life.

Tilllly · 05/12/2023 04:10

There's nothing for you to do here

Similar happened to me when a friend cut me off, believing I'd done something, and nothing I said persuaded her otherwise

About 18m later, she found out it wasn't me and got in touch with me. Part of me wanted to pick up where we'd left off but I couldn't get past the fact she'd believed that of me

I think it's the same for you

Josette77 · 05/12/2023 04:17

SecretVictoria · 03/12/2023 22:48

That’s not exactly true. Someone I’d been friends with for 30 years cut me off because I didn’t attend her wedding. For context, it was miles away (3-4 hour drive), middle of nowhere so not many accommodation options, we’d have both needed new outfits, someone to mind the dog for three days, a present (they asked for money, tacky as fuck). It would’ve cost as much as a holiday, we couldn’t afford it without missing out on our actual holiday, which I wasn’t prepared to do.

I was just a guest, not a bridesmaid or anything but she deleted me the week after. We haven’t spoken since. I don’t think there’s any point reaching out, she made her decision 2 years ago.

Show quote history

Why would you need a dog sitter for three days for a 3 hour drive?

I kind of see her point..

Friends for 30 years and it doesn't sound like you even wanted to try.

You don't need a new outfit. And as for asking for money I personally don't care. Life is expensive these days. I would love.to contribute to someone's honeymoon or down payment.

autienotnaughty · 05/12/2023 04:45

@SecretVictoria

I feel like you didn't really view her as a good friend. ? You could have done the driving in a day or stopped one night, got second hand outfits if you really didn't have anything. Asked a friend or family to have dog for one night. And if you are friends surely you gift wether you are attending or not?

It sounds like you didn't value her enough and she was probably hurt to realise that.

IhateHPSDeaneCnt · 05/12/2023 05:02

@SecretVictoria I can't believe are people piling on you re the way they would have 'sorted' things. You explained your reasons and are absolutely justified! Plus, I agree requests for cash is tacky; I still find wedding registry ridiculous when people have been shacked up for ages - usually with kids.

Bippitybobbityboing · 05/12/2023 07:46

IhateHPSDeaneCnt · 05/12/2023 05:02

@SecretVictoria I can't believe are people piling on you re the way they would have 'sorted' things. You explained your reasons and are absolutely justified! Plus, I agree requests for cash is tacky; I still find wedding registry ridiculous when people have been shacked up for ages - usually with kids.

Hmmm I see your point but if a "friend" described my wedding plans in this way:
"a present (they asked for money, tacky as fuck)."
Then they would be an ex-friend too, it sounds as if @SecretVictoria did a little bit more than just not turn up, her description of the wedding was unkind and judgemental. Maybe that's coming from a place of hurt at being deleted by the friend so abruptly but I do often read these threads and wonder what the other side of the story was.

IhateHPSDeaneCnt · 05/12/2023 09:14

@Bippitybobbityboing my response was to @SecretVictoria - not the OP

TheYearOfSmallThings · 05/12/2023 09:26

Unfortunately with some people, once they have cut you off, they need to inflate their sense of grievance to justify their decision. Then they will never be willing to discuss what you did to offend them, because if you dragged it out and looked at it plainly, it would never justify the level of hurt and grievance that have worked up. In your case you now need to have done something bad enough to justify years of estrangement, instigated by her, and since you haven't...it can never be discussed.

It is sad but all you can do is recognise what is happening and focus on other friendships.

wjpa · 05/12/2023 09:40

I can see that you’re in pain, but ask yourself whether someone who doesn’t believe the truth that you are telling them actually deserves your friendship?

she won’t believe you: she is not - and does not deserve to be - your friend.

Bippitybobbityboing · 05/12/2023 10:07

IhateHPSDeaneCnt · 05/12/2023 09:14

@Bippitybobbityboing my response was to @SecretVictoria - not the OP

So was mine 😆

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