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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would this bother anyone else?

32 replies

AmazingDayz · 03/12/2023 14:57

Would this bother anyone else or am I being silly? My mum always has my brother's children (nieces) but never ever has mine ever. I've asked and she just makes up excuses or says no so I don't ask anymore. She has them at least weekly and sometimes overnight monthly. She even collects them from school. She also posts constant pics of them on her WhatsApp daily but never any of my children. Would this bother anyone else? Now I'm not saying she HAS to have them I just don't get the different treatment? is anyone else's mum like this or just mine? I'm not referring to grandparents that won't have grandkids specifically ones that treat them differently?

OP posts:
wineoclock90 · 03/12/2023 14:58

That would bother me

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 03/12/2023 14:59

I would be very upset OP. Favouritism is awful in families and kids aren't blind.

Have you spoken to your mum about it?

thedamnseason · 03/12/2023 15:04

What's yours and your kid's relationships like with your mum? Are you as close and her and your brother?

What about with the children?

Are there any health or behavioral issues with your children that might mean she's less confident having them?

I'm not saying it doesn't feel unfair on the surface but more info is needed really.

Original poster
AmazingDayz · 03/12/2023 15:08

thedamnseason · 03/12/2023 15:04

What's yours and your kid's relationships like with your mum? Are you as close and her and your brother?

What about with the children?

Are there any health or behavioral issues with your children that might mean she's less confident having them?

I'm not saying it doesn't feel unfair on the surface but more info is needed really.

Only my oldest is autistic but she won't the others so it's not that. We are not close any more as I've distanced myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmazingDayz · 03/12/2023 15:09

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 03/12/2023 14:59

I would be very upset OP. Favouritism is awful in families and kids aren't blind.

Have you spoken to your mum about it?

Yes but it comes up with your kids your choice to have them but that doesn't seem to apply to my brother's children

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 03/12/2023 15:11

Was your brother the golden child growing up?

Random30 · 03/12/2023 15:12

Yes it is horrible of her but…
Is she getting on in age and physically can’t look after your kids because they are a bit wild/ won’t do as they’re asked? If you ask yourself honestly, are they a chore or a pleasure for other people.

If she said “your kids are too much” would you kick off?

Original poster
AmazingDayz · 03/12/2023 15:13

Random30 · 03/12/2023 15:12

Yes it is horrible of her but…
Is she getting on in age and physically can’t look after your kids because they are a bit wild/ won’t do as they’re asked? If you ask yourself honestly, are they a chore or a pleasure for other people.

If she said “your kids are too much” would you kick off?

No they are not

OP posts:
Random30 · 03/12/2023 15:14

Random30 · 03/12/2023 15:12

Yes it is horrible of her but…
Is she getting on in age and physically can’t look after your kids because they are a bit wild/ won’t do as they’re asked? If you ask yourself honestly, are they a chore or a pleasure for other people.

If she said “your kids are too much” would you kick off?

I’m not discounting pure favoritism though, just ticking off other explanations.

Original poster
AmazingDayz · 03/12/2023 15:14

jeaux90 · 03/12/2023 15:11

Was your brother the golden child growing up?

Yes he is the oldest and she openly admits he is her favourite

OP posts:
MycoBug · 03/12/2023 15:16

My mother is like this, she has never looked after my kids and never even came to see them but my sister's kids are looked after and taken out all the time

Original poster
AmazingDayz · 03/12/2023 15:16

Random30 · 03/12/2023 15:12

Yes it is horrible of her but…
Is she getting on in age and physically can’t look after your kids because they are a bit wild/ won’t do as they’re asked? If you ask yourself honestly, are they a chore or a pleasure for other people.

If she said “your kids are too much” would you kick off?

That wouldn't explain why she was posting daily pics of them on WhatsApp though either she updates her status every day to a picture of them

OP posts:
Dontbeme · 03/12/2023 15:20

AmazingDayz · 03/12/2023 15:14

Yes he is the oldest and she openly admits he is her favourite

Show quote history

Fantastic news OP, I would be reminding her that's he is the favourite when she needs someone to do caring duties as she ages. I mean she wouldn't expect you or your DC to do anything for her when you are not a priority for her.

More seriously I am sorry she treats you and the DC like this and I hope that they have other grandparents and extended family to have close relationships with.

ThankYoufortheDay · 03/12/2023 15:25

Was she already looking after his children when yours came along?

Original poster
AmazingDayz · 03/12/2023 15:27

His are younger and yes she did use to have mine until his came so it was the opposite way around

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 03/12/2023 15:30

It would upset me, yes.
Not because I felt entitled to babysitting etc but because it seems they aren't as loved as her other grandchildren and that would hurt any parent.

What do you have to lose if you tell her how you feel?

Tomelette · 03/12/2023 15:42

Hmm.

Are yours far more difficult to manage?

Do you live as close to her?

Original poster
AmazingDayz · 03/12/2023 15:46

Tomelette · 03/12/2023 15:42

Hmm.

Are yours far more difficult to manage?

Do you live as close to her?

I've answered that already. They aren't badly behaved. We live about 15 minutes from her, my brother lives further.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmazingDayz · 03/12/2023 15:50

And again even if they were why post pics of the others constantly but none of mine? Also didn't want to bring this up and sound ungrateful but couldn't help but notice for Xmas she bought my kids things from the charity shop and bought my nieces a play house for the garden costing £300 as she was bragging about it to me that it had two floors. Meanwhile she bought my 5 year old a Fisher price toy aimed at preschool children and my 8 year old a bob the builder toy something he had never been heard of. If that's not favouring then I don't know what is.

OP posts:
OhHowTheDogsStackUp · 03/12/2023 15:53

It would bother me enormously.

ChateauDuMont · 03/12/2023 15:59

Would there be a reason for her to dislike your children's father to the extent that she does not consider your children as being family due to her hatred of your husband?

SoftandQuiet · 03/12/2023 15:59

Had a relative like this who just loved babies/ little ones- as soon as a new one came along she got bored of the older ones. Maybe this? (But not acceptable)

Original poster
AmazingDayz · 03/12/2023 16:01

ChateauDuMont · 03/12/2023 15:59

Would there be a reason for her to dislike your children's father to the extent that she does not consider your children as being family due to her hatred of your husband?

I'm a lone parent

OP posts:
Original poster
AmazingDayz · 03/12/2023 16:01

SoftandQuiet · 03/12/2023 15:59

Had a relative like this who just loved babies/ little ones- as soon as a new one came along she got bored of the older ones. Maybe this? (But not acceptable)

Hmm actually I didn't think of that but that could make sense

OP posts:
BackAgainstWall · 03/12/2023 21:59

Your mother sounds very emotionally unintelligent and mean.

Sadly your brother being the golden boy is the reason for this.

Exactly the same happened with my MIL.

It’s extremely hurtful 💐

I hope your DC have a lovely nanny on your DH’s side.