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Original poster

Online dating - confusing date ?

26 replies

Datingsuckss · 02/12/2023 23:51

I posted about my first date with a guy I met from Bumble a week ago. First date I wasn’t feeling it much and he didn’t pay for drinks (we split some v cheap drinks 50-50) or check I got home ok. I wasn’t expecting to hear from him again.

But he messaged asking for another date the next day, and I explained I was not sure I was feeling a spark. He sent a long message about how he enjoyed the date and we got along and had shared values so he suggested we meet again without pressure of dating. He said the instant spark isn’t always there. He also said I had crazy hot eyes if that helped lol.

So I agreed to see him again. I thought why not - I don’t have many other options and his message was quite nice.

Saw him tonight and while I did fancy him definitely, and enjoyed being around him, he didn’t compliment me, or create any sexual energy. Again he hasn’t messaged to make sure I got home ok. He’s not giving me the signs guys normally give me when they’re hot for you.

I’m very confused ??

OP posts:
whatwouldAnnaDelveydo · 03/12/2023 00:01

Confused with what? It didn't work out. That's how OLD works, you meet people, see if it works out and keep meeting - or not.

ANightingale · 03/12/2023 00:05

You don't fancy him - end it and move on.

samestyle · 03/12/2023 00:05

Sounds like he'll date anyone whether he's into them or not, hoping you'll grow on him. It sounds very boring and flat, I don't know why you're dating a cheapskate without any basic manners, stop dating him if you don't like it.

EmmaEmerald · 03/12/2023 00:12

ANightingale · 03/12/2023 00:05

You don't fancy him - end it and move on.

OP says she does fancy him?

splitting drinks 50/50 is fine

being careful about coming on too strong - fine, I'd prefer a cautious approach.

the getting home thing - I know some women find it patronising so maybe that's one factor in not asking.

ANightingale · 03/12/2023 00:13

OP says she does fancy him?

But she has said there is no spark or sexual energy, so in reality, she doesn't.

SamW98 · 03/12/2023 00:14

I’m not sure what you mean by ‘he didn’t create any sexual energy’ if I’m honest.

Are you saying there wasn’t a spark between you? If so then it’s probably not worth going any further with this one.

SullysBabyMama · 03/12/2023 00:24

“Shared Values” = He has no manners and he thinks you are fine with those low standards. Don’t see him again and he will realise you don’t have shared values.

EtiennePalmiere · 03/12/2023 00:58

This is a lot of angst for two bumble dates so probably best to leave it.
I'm curious about the energy aspect though, it sounds like it could potentially be boundary-pushing for some women so early on.

cluckinhell0 · 03/12/2023 01:07

did you compliment him? did you create any sexual energy? maybe you just aren't that into him/he's shy/your expecting him to make every move.

Myfabby · 03/12/2023 01:38

he's playing games. not worth it.

And not paying for cheap drinks- huge ick.

Agapornis · 03/12/2023 02:24

When you texted 'not sure I was feeling a spark', were you genuinely unsure, or was it a polite way of saying no thanks? Don't date a man who can't take 'no' for an answer. You sound quite young so use it as a chance to learn how to build boundaries, trust your gut, and recognise you're worth more.

Pinkbonbon · 03/12/2023 02:35

The lack of any kind of compliment is a big off putter for me personally.

It was never really something a thought of until 3 people in a row i dated didn't compliment! And now I think I'm getting a complex haha. Though tbf the last guy redeemed things.

I think its just nice to say 'you look nice'. Or something. Hell even if it's not true you can at least find something about them to say. I try to do the same too.

It seems like such a little thing but imo it's a guys job to make you feel appreciated and if on date one they can't even be bothered with that then I figure it's not going to be a very loving relationship.

So I think youd be wise to leave it. 2 dates and not so much as a 'you look nice'. Nah.

Also I don't know if its been said but his response to your first 'no spark' text after the first date...bit pushy. Good things rarely come of men who don't like the word 'no'.

So don't be surprised if he doesn't like it this time either. But still, get out.

2 dated is long enough to know if he doesn't float your boat. No need for more.

fulawitt · 03/12/2023 07:09

I find it fine. Until you kiss you don't really know tbh. Does he meet your criteria ?

Starryskies1 · 03/12/2023 08:08

It sounds like you can’t read his body language etc. If you fancy him that’s good. But do you like who he is. Maybe he isn’t a good communicator? That obviously matters to you. What does your gut say? Maybe see him again and ask more questions.

SamW98 · 03/12/2023 09:48

Think these comments show how different people want different things from early dating so really OP only you can decide whether you think this one is worth continuing with or him and move on.

You have him another chance after telling him you didn’t feel a spark - only go on a 3rd date if it’s what YOU want. Don’t let him persuade you again if you’re not feeling it.

All2Well · 03/12/2023 09:56

He's not for you, just reply to any further message saying you did give him a second date but you aren't feeling it and wish him well.

You're expecting someone a bit more traditional and chivalrous, and it's ok to know what you don't or do want in a man. He ain't it. Any further dates wouldn't be in your best interests...only his. Why prioritise him if you're not impressed? If he really liked or valued you at this stage he'd be going out of his way to impress you.

AllisColm · 03/12/2023 10:04

I believe it's only good manners to check on each other at the end of a night. It's indicative of his overall attitude.

wited · 03/12/2023 10:06

I would t expect a text to see if I got home okay. I'm a grown adult.

wited · 03/12/2023 10:06

Wouldn't

youngones1 · 03/12/2023 10:11

He sounds like a nice guy, kind and interested in you, but probably quite beta. If there is no spark for you I would move on and it sounds like you want some more confident/alpha.

SamW98 · 03/12/2023 10:11

wited · 03/12/2023 10:06

I would t expect a text to see if I got home okay. I'm a grown adult.

Ditto. I’d probably be the one who sent a text when I got home rather than waiting for someone else.

Im also not a lover of being complimented by a relative stranger - I find it a bit cringey and like they’re following the script of what they should say. I also don’t expect a man to pay for drinks all night - I always stand my round. It’s nice if he offers but I never expect it.

But the OP has certain expectations and this man doesn’t meet them. There’s no right and wrong that’s what dates are for, to suss the other person out as a potential match. If they’re not right, we move on.

gannett · 03/12/2023 10:18

He’s not giving me the signs guys normally give me when they’re hot for you.

He sent you an entire long message using his words to indicate he's hot for you.

But you don't sound hot for him or especially compatible, so it's fine not to dae him!

mondaytosunday · 03/12/2023 11:07

I would always pay for my drinks and do not expect anyone to check up I got home - I'm not 12! I think you're asking a lot - you just met this bloke. He might say 'you look nice' but that's as far as it should go - otherwise too much too soon. I'd be happier he is taking the time to get to know me before wanting to think he's 'hot' for me. I'd think he was just wanting a hook up.
But it doesn't seem you are getting want you want so say no and move on.

toadinthebucket · 03/12/2023 11:42

Myfabby · 03/12/2023 01:38

he's playing games. not worth it.

And not paying for cheap drinks- huge ick.

Sexist nonsense. Why should the man pay?

WatieKatie · 03/12/2023 11:57

If you’re having to put two posts on a relationship forum about both dates, I’d say it’s a no.

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